PREGAME

And now, the only band in this stadium not sponsored by New York Taxpayer's money, the DCMB!

The Dartmouth College Marching Band would like to welcome you this afternoon to the game between Dartmouth and Cornell. You know, it seems all too often that the DCMB sometimes forgets that there are other people here in Memorial Stadium to please besides those fortunate fans who sit in the West Side bleachers. Well sports fans, we recognize you season ticket holders and realize that we just don't play enough music to your side of the field. Watch now as the DCMB forms a large rotisserie unit and gets In The Mood for those East Side Stands.

IN THE MOOD CIRCLE FORMATION

into HAWAII 5-0 START ROTATE

Thank you all for coming out to the game today, and get ready for the halftime show, Cornell. It's gonna be a great one.

Will you please rise and join the marching band in the singing of our alma mater.

CONCERT FORMATION ALMA MATER

CONCERT FORMATION STAR SPANGLED BANNER

HALFTIME

And now, the only band in the Ivy League that would rather have nothing for a mascot than a stick of Big Red chewing gum, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!!!

Last week, those crazy 92’s had their chance. But geez, a job left to ‘shmen is like a job left un done. Speaking of wondering, the Marching Band takes a pause to ask several questions, namely:

What if Dean Bonz hadn't left last year?

What if President Jim O'Freedman weren't Irish?

What if Dartmouth were located in central Oklahoma?

What if the ORL wasn't a four letter word?

What if no randoms came up for Winter Carnival?

What if Dean Shanahan's House were derecognized? Permanently?

What if "Live Free or Die" license plates weren't made by New Hampshire prison inmates?

And What if the Freshmen Bonfire had actually burned to the ground?

What if indeed. What if the college hadn't cut down all of those new trees for the bonfire and had just used those great old chemically saturated railroad ties? Sure, one or two Hanover residents complained about the problem of pollution, but who's kidding who? It seems far better to burn up old wood and kill only a few people from toxic smoke inhalation than to spend a lot of money killing a heck of a lot of trees for a bonfire that won't burn. Watch now as the DCMB forms a symbolic Acme Safe Bonfire Kit, made of flame retardant titanium beams and plays Big spender to show just what a waste all that new wood was last week.

BIG SPENDER BONFIRE

And now, it's time for the newest Game show craze, Smashtopiece Theater. This week, our two teams are the Presidential scholars, both Freshmen and retroactive, versus the Men's and Women's Basketball teams. Let's see how they do. The game is a basic shape recognition game. Answers are judged not only by their correctness, but also on how good they sound. Audience, you be the judge. The winner advances to the winner's circle, where they will get a chance to smash a real cello, donated generously from the Band. So, let's Go!

Here's the first shape - what is it?

FORM CIRCLE

And the basketball team has correctly identified the object as a basketball. So far, the Bball team has 100 points, the Presidential scholars zippo. Here's the next shape:

FORM FRYING PAN

Once again, it seems as if the basketball team is a little quicker to the buzzer, and has correctly identified this one as a frying pan. Score is now 200 to 0. Last question, worth 200 points.

What is This Shape?

FORM MICKEY MOUSE

And the presidential scholar's answer - a water molecule. Sorry, but wrong answer. Let's see what the Basketball team has… yes, that's right! This shape is both a famous Disney cartoon character and a famous president of Dartmouth College!

Watch now as the BBall team advances to the winner's circle as the Band plays that presidential favorite, "Smash to Pieces Theater."

MASTERPIECE CIRCLE

And now, for something completely different, we the DCMB, offer you, the audience, something you've all been waiting for - our third annual salute to the state of Oklahoma. Now that oil production in Oklahoma is down, Thayer Dining Hall will have to import its grease from somewhere else. Probably the Courtyard Café. Last year, we told you that the only statistic that Oklahoma led the nation in was domestic vacuum cleaner production. Well, this year that panhellenic, I mean panhandle state is also a forerunner in functional illiteracy and unemployment.

The state legislature has also authorized the construction of a new highway so that everyone can leave the state. What to do? Why, move to New Hampshire, of course. Watch now as the DCMB forms the very large state of Oklahoma and plays their state song.

OKLAHOMA PAN FORM

Thank you once again for listening to another exciting Marching Band halftime show, and please remember to have a safe weekend. We look forward to seeing you at the next home game November 4 here against the Street Tough Lions of Columbia.