PREGAME

And now, the only marching band in the Ivy League that David Letterman thought were zanier than rabid gorillas, the DCMB!

The DCMB would like to welcome you all to another beautiful fall weekend in Hanover. We would especially like to welcome our sister school in New Hampshire, the University of New Hampshire. Today, in this stadium, we will watch as two institutions of higher learning battle each other for victory on the gridiron of the real world. Decisions will be made today that will make or break men and women, such as "Should I eat another hotdog?" Fortunately, such dramatic questions only come once a week.

Today is also Legislative Day, a day in which the New Hampshire State Legislature meets at Dartmouth to discuss the pressing problems of today, such as why New Hampshire state license plates that say "Live Free Or Die" are being made by prison inmates? Hmm. Anyway, during these violent times of terrorism and ‘shmen brutality, and especially before the violent exhibition of brute strength begins, we, the DCMB would like you to watch as we form a peacefully flowing wave and play that Beach Boys Favorite, Good Vibrations.

GOOD VIBRATIONS WAVE FORMATION

HALFTIME

And now, the only marching band in the Ivy League that David Letterman didn't want to run over with a steamroller, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

Last year, in the sacred Ivy League tradition of poking fun at ourselves and our fellow schools, the DCMB said several bad things about UNH. I guess it's because we really don't know the university too well. Well, we're sorry. So, this year we sent a crack research team down to Durham. We arrived during the Fall Harvest Festival. We were awed by the hay tossing, the cow dung sculpture contest, and the UNH bakery, with its lovely selection of cowchip cookies. Yummmm.

We also went to the academic office, where we browsed through the course catalog. This term, such fun courses as Advanced Cowtipping, Tractor Science, Ethics of Pasteurization, and Cultivation and Table Manners are being taught. We also saw that the books are mostly scratch and sniff or pop-up books, making such courses as Animal Husbandry really come to life.

The Math department was really swell too. Here's a math problem. John has 12 hens, Mary has 4. If they live a mile apart, when is Raiders of the Lost Ark playing at the movie house? Answer - three o'clock, of course. The DCMB now forms a giant mystery mathematic symbol to praise institutions of higher learning.

RAIDERS SQUARE ROOT FORM

Well, ‘shmen, last week the DCMB told you that those $100 fines would go to buy two thousand revolving lights for the Campus Po. It seems we were wrong. Instead, your fines will help buy the Mary Hitchcock Hospital to tear it down, in order to make way for a growing Dartmouth community. The college does plan to save money by contracting the Dartmouth Review to destroy the hospital. Ever striving for diversity's sake, the BCD has been given a permit to occupy the hospital during its destruction. But don't worry! There will be another hospital built nearby. So sit back in your favorite stadium seat and watch as the DCMB forms a wrecking ball and tells you to RELAX.

RELAX BALL FORM

The DCMB would like to thank you for listening to our halftime show. And please remember, if you freshman are feeling oppressed because you can't go into the frats, remember this: Upperclassmen don't get to talk to Dean Bonz anymore. Gosh, what a hardship. So, watch as the DCMB forms a big padlock and plays a song for 'shmen to dream about until hell freezes over, or Winter Term.

MILLER TIME PADLOCK FORM

BAND...BAND...BAND...BAND...BAND...BAND...BAND...BAND...BAND...BAND...BAND...