PREGAME

And now, the only band in the Ivy League that never has to take a subway to their football stadium, the DCMB!

At this time, we, the DCMB would like to take this opportunity to thank the 87's of this band who have served us for four long years. They include - Drew Desky, student conductor; John Crane, student announcer, Dale Parker, Hollie Manheimer etc.

At this time We would also like to thank the Columbia marching band for making the trip up to Hanover. I'm sorry, we just heard that half of their band was unable to make the trip, as the neighbors of Columbia stripped down one of their buses and sold the parts to buy illegal drugs. Watch now from one side of the field as the DCMB forms a very ferocious lion, symbolizing the vigorous spirit of Columbia; or from the other side, see a very dead lion reflecting Columbia's fine chances of winning the Ivy League Championship.

DIE LION DIE LION FORM

Well, we the DCMB would like to wish that the battle of these two teams turns out to be of a favorable outcome, because no one likes to be losers. We hope that you have a nice day, and please remember this: No one has ever died from air pollution in Hanover.

MEN OF D CONC FORM

HALFTIME

And now, the only band in the Ivy League that thinks "Alumni Jim" is this year's Dartmouth's fundraising poster child, the DCMB!

*Well fans, we hope that you enjoyed the Columbia University's halftime salute to minimalism. You know, it's kind of funny, because here we are, at the last home game this year, and we already wrote this half of the show last Wednesday night because we knew that we would be winning by halftime. We, the DCMB do not mean to be so mean. In fact, we are even going to give a friendly tip to our metropolitan neighbors. The next time you bet in the New York Lottery, simply use the numbers from your football team's record - 0, 0, 0, 0. What could be easier? This year, Anonymous Friends of Columbia Football received extra funding. With it, they were able to buy even more paper bags to put over their heads. The DCAC has even enlarged Memorial Field for today's game so that it could accommodate the enormous Columbia marching band. Watch now, as the DCMB forms a giant null set on the field and plays a tribute to the Columbia football team's chances of winning an Ivy League game this season, Mission Impossible.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE Ø FORM

JOHN - IF WE ARE LOSING BY HALFTIME - SUBSTITUTE THIS:

*Well fans, we hope that you enjoyed the Columbia University's halftime salute to minimalism. You know, it's kind of funny, because here we are, at the last home game of the year, and we are really sad to be going. But, as a famous person once said, "Tis more valiant to leave and forsake one's pride than to stand in the face of stupidity." Of course, we know that our fine friends from Columbia know this, often running from muggers while trying to get into their dorms after classes.

And now, for something completely different, we the DCMB, offer you, the audience, something you've all been waiting for - our second annual salute to the state of Oklahoma. Now that oil production in Oklahoma is down, Thayer Dining Hall will have to import its grease from somewhere else. Probably the Courtyard Café.

Last year, we told you that the only statistic that Oklahoma led the nation in was domestic vacuum cleaner production. Well, this year that panhellenic, I mean panhandle state is also a forerunner in functional illiteracy and unemployment.

The state legislature has also authorized the construction of a new highway so that everyone can leave the state. What to do? Why, move to New Hampshire, of course. Watch now as the DCMB forms the very large state of Oklahoma and plays their state song.

OKLAHOMA PAN FORM

Well, speaking of the Po, it seems that they are very happy campers indeed. With Dean "Easy Ed" Shanahan suspending freshman Joe Gerakos for rushing the stands, the college had an extra $17,000 from Joe's unused tuition. What did they do? They went out and bought some new police cruisers for our men in green. It's simply amazing how the college can use our money for just about anything. For example, look at those artistic figures in front of the Hop? Chicken fencing and toilet paper don't cost too much. We, the DCMB, have some alternate suggestions for college spending. Why not buy Phi Delt a mop? (space here) Why not buy a month's supply of feed for Alpha Chi's mascot, Strat the sheep? (space here) Why not buy KKG this term's supply of peroxide? Why not buy ammunition for those members of Theta Delt - err, I mean R.O.T.C. (space here) Why not buy David T.'s golden retriever a diamond studded collar? Why not buy Dean Shanahan a copy of Dick's House's Condom Sense? Why not buy brick for the Berry sports complex, so that it matches all the other brick buildings on campus? Watch now as the DCMB forms a symbolic College Bill to show how your parent's hard earned money goes toward some "really worthwhile" economic policies.

BIG SPENDER BILL FORM