Dartmouth Cycling Wiki | Profiles / Triumph Of The Uterus

"Honey, it's uter-us, not uter-you" (from the simpsons)

What does this have to do with today's post? Nothing. Except it's a good lead-in to today's featured product, the spray-on condom:

"The renowned German engineering that brought the world the BMW, the Audi and the Porsche is proud to present the first ever spray on condom. The only thing funnier than the idea of a spray-on condom is the Google translation of the product page:

    Soon there is no more reason to rather make it without. The new condom comes from the spray can and adapts to each member optimally. Cap off and condom over the Penis spray: The Latexhaut (ed note: rubber house?) sits perfectly and is operational in few seconds.
    The advantages of the spray condom are obvious: it is easily and fast applicable, adapts to each Penisgrüsse and form individually and offers apart from stretcher comfort, optimal protection with the sexual intercourse. Damage by transport or sun exposure belongs then exactly the same to the past like the question of the disposal: The natural rubber product decomposes and becomes humus  (ed note: WTF??? I'll never eat hummus again).
    Still condom testers are looked for, which already gained experience in handling condoms. Prospective customers can announce themselves on this web page anonymous."

I'm a bit baffled at the term penisgrusse. 'Viele grusse' translates literally to 'many greetings'. So perhaps penisgrusse means all the potential forms of the penis. Who knows. Perhaps some native speakers can help me out.

I woke up on friday pleasantly surprised the fog had finally, to use the street lingo, "rolled out." The air was really crisp, like breathing mineral water (without, of course, the suffocation and ensuing death). Replacing the fog was a chill-- well, it was still 50 degrees, so whatever. After doing a big block of lying in bed on thursday, I was feeling quite good on friday (or maybe it was that I finally got some coffee before my ravenous father's friends took it all... those sycophants). Ended up doing 71mi, 5500ft climbing. Felt great the whole time. The best part: seeing that this one intersection had a "walk" button that was ~7ft off the ground. Turns out its for horses, not for the vertically endowed. Today is saturday, which means the normal sproul gang ride. Ended up climbing mt. diablo to the saddle, ~75mi, ~6000ft climbing. Felt really great again, was pulling the group most of the way. Highlight of the day: riding with ex-pro Gina Hall. A couple of years ago, she got ~10th place at cyclocross worlds. (full bio here: http://www.cyclingnews.com/riders/2004/interviews/?id=gina_hall04) So she's really fast. And has incredibly tattooed arms. So hot right now. After the ride, I went to Oakland Chinatown with a friend for food. Oakland Chinatown is a legit chinatown, not some tourist trap. As my friend said, "it's like Asia, but with less crappy cars." After passing a bunch of teeming street grocery stores, as well as see a drug deal go down, we ate at "golden smile" restaurant or something like that. What's nice about this place is that they print an english menu. The other nice thing (as with the rest of chinatown) is that everything is rediculously cheap.

Some housekeeping items to end: 1) Erik Zabel is just passing on some fatherly wisdom to his (junior racer) son Rick. "The most important tips that I can give him are: first, wear a helmet. Second: Have fun with what you do." If Erik Zabel had a girl, I bet his third tip would be not to do steroids. He would then show her a picture of former US track rider Tammy Thomas (see attached picture). Anyone else see the 5' oclock shadow? If you want to ask this fine lady on a date, it'll have to be a conjugal visit, as she was just sentenced to jail on perjury charges.

2) Congrats to Toby, Kevin and JEN!!! for doing so well at nationals 3) Happy 1 day early birthday to Kelly. Best seamstress ever. 4) A note to bike bloggers from the thebikegame.com: "If you write in your blog something along the lines of...."I am so trashed...i just did xyz" You are not trashed. If you can sit in front of your computer and type then you are not trashed. Put down the keyboard and go finishing trashing yourself."

wow. what a long post.

bite your teeth into the ass of life, matt