BIG BROTHER/BIG SISTER GUIDELINES

1. One on one: You should spend time with your little sibling alone. As long as that relationship remains primary the volunteer may want to include the Little Brother/Sister in group activities (like BBBS Special Events). Other sisters and brothers of the Little Brother/Sister should only be included on special occasions, not on a regular basis. Consider your relationship with your little brother/sister an important event.
2. Commitment: Being a Big Brother or Big Sister is not easy. Nor is it terribly difficult. First and foremost, it requires a strong sense of commitment. You are being asked to present the child with a stable and mature role model. This is a big responsibility and you must understand the importance you will have in the life of another person.
3. Consistency: Contact your little sibling four times a month. We ask that you try to see him/her at least three times a month and to make certain that an explanation is given if the weekly meeting (during finals or term breaks for example) is to be cancelled or held at a different time. Never break an appointment without first giving an explanation. If there are several weeks between meetings, you should keep in contact by phone or letter. We stress consistency. Promises not kept, disappointment over visits not made by a separated parent, hurt caused by casual commitments from adults--all these may be a regular part of your little sibling's life. Do not make impossible promises. Keep your appointments on time and plan activities together so that he/she can anticipate future meetings and have a feeling of responsibility. This will encourage him/her to trust you, other people, and finally himself/herself.
4. When you are away from Dartmouth: During term breaks, leave terms, or terms abroad keep in contact with your little sibling through letters, phone calls and postcards. This is very important.
5. Use money sparingly: You can't buy friendship or provide the material things that your little sibling may lack at home. Use money sparingly during activities (use your discount card!) and buy small gifts only on birthdays and very special occasions. Learning to have fun without spending a lot of money will help the child integrate his/her experiences with you with those at home.
6. Try to let your little sibling make his/her own decisions: Give advice sparingly. Share your growing experiences with him/her, but don't preach. Providing a good friendship is the best you can do to help. Help your little sibling think of alternative solutions to problems and consider the advantages and disadvantages of each before making a decision. Naturally, you hope to see you little sibling change as a result of your relationship. But remember, change takes time.
7. Self-esteem: Try to accept your little sibling for who he/she is. When he/she begins to see that you do, he/she may begin to open up and/or be modified by your attitudes and behavior. Self-esteem is very important. A positive self-concept and confidence are often lacking in a Little Sibling. Merely your good example and age will bring respect from your little sibling. He/she may talk to you as he/she could to no other adult. Listening and being patient can build a very constructive relationship between you and the child who really needs you to be a part of his/her life.
8. Limits: Don't be afraid to set limits. Limits on the amount of time you will spend together, the number of phone calls from the child that will be acceptable to you, and the behavior while he/she is with you.
9. Involvement with the family: Even though the parents of your little sibling have granted permission for you to take out their child, the arrangments may nevertheless be threatening to them. The parents' reactions will be as varied as the matches. Do try to remember, however, that your relationship with the child is the important thing. Most parents are very supportive. Be courteous and tactful when speaking with them. Inform the parents where you will be taking the child, and when you expect to return. Always ask their permission. As a rule, do not run errands or do favors for them as you may find yourself with more responsibility than you care to handle. Also, do not take sides in family disputes. Call the coordinator if you think the family needs help or encourage the parents to seek help rather than discussing the problems with you. Information and help on this subject will be offered during the 2nd BBBS orientation.
10. Parents' responsibilities: Leave to the parents the disciplining of the little brother/sister, conferring with school personnel, arranging for medical diagnosis or treatment (except in emergency situations when the child is with you). If you feel the parents are neglecting some area of need, it would be better to talk with the coordinator about the best way of handling the situation. We have encouraged the parents not to use the "treat" of a visit with you as a reward or take it away as punishment. However, they may still do this, especially as your relationship becomes important to the child. Let the coordinator know if this happens frequently. We have told the parents that it is their responsisbility to have the child ready when you come to pick him/her up.
11. Set a good example: Remember that you are under the scrutiny of the child and the family. Everything that you do is noted, analyzed and sometimes imitated.
12. Check out our new Resource Book: This book includes listings of all other Big Siblings (alphabetically and by the town of their little siblings), activities to do in your little sibling's home town (so you don't always have to come back to Dartmouth to do stuff) along with a map of the area, and a copy of these guidelines.
13. Keep your program coordinator aware of how things are going: Keep the coordinator informed of possible problem areas while there is still time to straighten things out. Especially contact the coordinator if you are thinking of terminating the relationship as this can be traumatic for the child if it is not handled properly. The coordinators are there to help. They think the job you have volunteered to do is an important one, and we want to support you in any way we can.