A cold is that no one wants to kiss a guy with a runny nose.
Cold sweats is that you have to pretend that you just got out of the shower five minutes ago regardless of the time of day.
Halitosis is that even you can't stand the stench.
Conjunctivitis is that no matter how many times you remind yourself that you won't be able to open your eyes when you wake up, you will still curse God for taking your sight every morning for a week.
Dyslexia is that dyslexia is hard to spell for people who don't have dyslexia.
Smallpox is that you live somewhere with no medicine.
Pneumonoultramicroscopicilicovolcanokoniosis is that the treatment would take one eighth as long if the doctor didn't have to keep saying pneumonoultramicroscopicilicovolcanokoniosis.
Syphilis is that no one wants to fuck a guy with a runny dick.
Lupus is that Dr. House will never treat you.
Porphyria is that no one fuckin' knows what porphyria is.
Herpes is that they make you announce it in a TV commercial.
Vampirism is that people stopped thinking it was edgy and cool after the '90s.
The Red Death is that you're in a Poe story and that only ever ends one way.
Acne is that that bitch Lindsay is so gonna call you pizza-face again on Monday unless you finally get up the courage to just sock her one in the face, but you won't do it 'cause she's friends with Ted, who you've had a crush on since, like, 5th grade.
A lazy eye is that it actually tries really hard and just has a tough time.
Both synesthesia and obsessive-compulsive disorder is that you can't stand that foods don't look the same color they taste.
A stomach flu on Sunday morning is that you won't figure out it's a stomach flu until Sunday evening.
Anorgasmia is that you don't have orgasms.