Hello, there! I'm Bear Grylls, and today I'm going to show you what it's like to survive a plane crash in the Andes. Right now, I'm stranded on top of a Chilean mountain, with no survivors from our flight but me and my cameraman. If you keep your wits about you and use some basic survival knowledge, you will be able to get out of this predicament in a jiffy.
I'll begin by looking around. I've never been to South America before. I was supposed to go straight from New Zealand to Buenos Aries in time for Carnival. My college buddies are probably dancing their asses off about now.
Do they speak Spanish or Portuguese here?
I guess I'll wander this way towards the sea. Wait, moss grows on the north side of trees, right? Or is that an urban legend? Fuck.
Well, fuck it, this feels like west.
I'm starving. I stumbled across some berries this morning. They look like blueberries, except they're a little bit redder than normal. That should be fine, right?
Never mind, reddish blueberries are not fine. Do not ever eat them.
Oh, Jesus.
You don't think Steve would make a move on Laura without me there in Buenos Aires, do you?
I don't know where the fuck I am. I'm gonna die.
Do you hear that? It sounds like a wolf. Or a bear. Do they have bears in Chile?
Oh, fuck!
Never mind, it was just the wind.
No, I'm not crying. (sniff) It's just (sniff) all these flowers around, they (quiet sob) make you tear up a little bit when you think about your family and loved ones and how you're probably never going to see them again...
It's getting dark. And cold. Oh, God, it's freezing. Why did I only wear a t-shirt on the flight?
I guess I should try to build a shelter and start a fire. I think I've still got my lighter...
Maybe I'll just smoke one of my surviving cigarettes first.
(trying to light a pile of leaves) Fuck, it's out of lighter fluid!
Christ, I'm hungry. I wonder how much meat a cameraman would...
Hey, Joe, I wonder if maybe we should do a stationary shot of me walking across the grasslands?
Yeah, just set the camera down right there.
Yeah.
(muffled thumping noises)
(camera tape stops)