Susan Shyamalan: I'm home! Sorry I'm past curfew.
M. Night Shyamalan: How was prom, sweetie?
Susan: Awful! The guy who drove us to the restaurant got us in a wreck! We spent half the night in the police station.
M. Night: He did? Why, I ought to kill that kid! What's his name?
Susan: You mean you really don't remember?
M. Night: Remember what?
Susan: You were the driver. I'm your childhood friend, not your daughter.
Matt Shyamalan: Dad, I need a new baseball glove. Can you take me to get one?
M. Night: Okay, just let me grab my car keys.
(A huge chunk of the ceiling breaks loose and falls on Matt.)
M. Night: Matt!
(The dust clears. Matt is still standing, totally unharmed.)
Matt: I orchestrated this event to demonstrate my powers.
Mary Shyamalan: Dad, my goldfish is dead!
M. Night: Oh, no! How did it happen?
Mary: I don't know! I just saw him floating upside-down when I got home from school.
M. Night: What a shame. Well, let's scoop this poor fellow up and take him out to the –
Mary: Dad?
M. Night: What, honey?
Mary: I'm dead too.
(She turns around to reveal a massive knife wound.)
M. Night: Okay, honey, I'm off to the movie set. I'll be home late.
Bhavna Shyamalan: Oh, M. Night. You're not filming a movie. You're actually part of a malevolent psychology experiment – the "actors" are using you as their test subject.
M. Night: What? But that's totally implausible.
Bhavna: Don't believe me? All you have to do is look beyond the forested limits of our town! You probably think we're in early twenty-first century America, but we're really marooned on an asteroid some three thousand years later.
M. Night: That makes no sense!
Bhavna: Doesn't it?
(She unzips a previously invisible zipper. Her face, skin and clothes fall to the floor. Beneath the disguise is another, identical M. Night Shyamalan.)
Both M. Night Shyamalans: What does it all mean??