When stabbing a bystander with utensils, the fork always goes on the left and the knife on the right.
When you set fire to a domicile, kindly refrain from singing "Burning Down the House" to its former owners.
Always address a captive by his first name. It is pointless to use his last name when you have already murdered his entire family, placed their heads on pikes, and then enjoyed a game of limbo with those pikes.
It is always a good idea to bring your children along so that they can learn the family business.
Binding your captives with black rope is not an acceptable alternative if the invitations to the sacking called for black tie.
Always remove your shoes before entering a blood-soaked house. You can wash your feet easier than your sandals.
When participating in a gang rape, wait your turn in line. Back cuts are not permissible.
Always give at least a fifteen percent tip to the town traitor who opens up the gates for you.
Freshly-killed pig is finger food. Freshly-killed civilian is not finger food.
Always send a thank-you note to the now-smoldering ruins of the city two to three days after you burn it to the ground.
In the event that the resident god or goddess of the city does not desire to vacate the premises, offer the deity a nice villa in the south of Gaul.
Refrain from slicing off a man's face, placing it over your own, and then proceeding to run around yelling, "Look at me! I'm so-and-so." To do so is gauche.
Try to make small talk with your captives when you parade them out of the city. Possible starting points may include: How were the wife and kids? How about those Romans? Nice weather we're having, huh?
When taking a break and sitting down on a heap of dead bodies, the napkin goes on the lap.
It is generally uncouth to bring your own paper bag lunch to a sacking. Food will be coerced from the population.