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Spring 2005

Jewsletter
Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Last Jewsletter of the term. Remember: study hard, party moderately, and uh, beware of the penguins.


Jews / Java
Wednesday [tomorrow] from 1 to 4 pm @ Dartmouth Bookstore
Come for coffee, good times, Ben Rosenbleet, caffeine, latte, espresso, frappuccino, and double mocha café latte with skim milk and just a little whipped cream [just a little].


Friday night services and dinner
Friday at 7 pm and 8 pm, respectively
Come for some Shabbat, some grub, and some good times.


So good luck with finals, and uh, beware of the penguins.

Shalom Aleichem
Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: David Kerem, for a successfully-run Spring term Presidency. Good job, champ!


Goy of the Week: W. Mark Felt, aka "Deep Throat," the once Number-Two man of the FBI, for giving the secret information during Watergate to Woodward and Bernstein. He just revealed his identity. Deep Throat helped Tricky Dick go down.


Joke of the Week
(Special thanks goes to Alex Stein for this joke):

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now
living in the United States, and said, "Once again,
the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I
see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark
and save two of every living thing along with a few
good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six
months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard .... but no ark.

"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where
is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have
changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing
with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler
system.

My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and
exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the
Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond
be posted for the future costs of moving power lines
and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage
for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea
would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of
it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on
cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists that I
needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!

When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an
animal rights group. They insisted that I was
confining wild animals against their will. As well,
they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and
it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a
confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human
Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed
to hire for my building crew.

Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark
building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten
years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, You're
not going to destroy the world?".

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

Jewsletter
Tuesday, May 24, 2005

So we had elections tonight, and after much debate, discussion, controversy, scandals, interviews, and blackmail, we finally arrived at the following new people in the following old positions:

President - Summer Only: Evan Michals
President - Fall/Winter: Libby Sherman
VP Membership - Summer/Fall: Danny Ellman
VP Religious Affairs - Summer Only: Open [yes, it's still up for grabs]
VP Religious Affairs - Fall/Winter: Chase Hogle
Executive VP - Fall/Winter: Victoria Fener

So this summer will be sweet.... You 07s, expect the Hillel blitzes to have more... [fill in the adjective].


Jews/Java
Tomorrow [Wednesday] from 1-4 pm at Starbucks at the Dartmouth Bookstore
Once again, join Ben Rosenbleet for one of the best chill and chat sessions you could ever have in your Dartmouth career. Really. Just ask his pet kangaroo.


Shabbat in the woods
This Friday night, overnight.
If you want to hang out in a cabin and have fun celebrating Shabbat with the one and only Jeremy Warburg, you need to RSVP by Wednesday [tomorrow] night at midnight.
It's fine if you don't stay the whole night, too. You can just come for the celebrations and then leave. Otherwise, we'll be staying overnight and enjoying a nice post-Shabbat breakfast.
Bonus points if you have a car.


Clauvdallah
7 o'clock this Saturday night, at Claudia's new house
Hang out at Claudia's newly renovated new house, and enjoy a havdallah [celebration of the closing of Shabbat] like none other. RSVP to Hillel in the next few days. Last time there was hot cider and chili, and burning furniture. Who knows what wonderful things will happen this time.


Bagel brunch this Sunday with lox. 1 pm at the Roth Center. Wake up, stumble over, and have a great breakfast. Rumor has it that lox helps break a hangover!


And of course, a big thanks to those who helped out with Hillel's Relay for Life team [or any other Relay for Life team, for that matter]. Hillel was third overall, raising over $4,100 for the American Cancer Society! Well done, cancer fighting Jews!


As the term comes to a close, there are obviously fewer events, but, as you may have realized, they are just as awesome, equally fun, and comparably enjoyable. So have a great end of the term, party responsibly, and to all, a grand and mighty l'chayim.

Shalom, l'chayim, and adios
-Evan Michals


Jew of the week: Rabbi Boraz, the birthday boy that everyone loves. It's tough to be liked by so many, but this handsome man managed to pull it off.


Goy of the Week: Jay Leno, for defending the gloved one. I bet he made a lot of money by doing that. But what the heck could he have said? "I stayed overnight with Michael Jackson, but he did nothing to *me*..." Yeah, it's because you're not 11.


Joke of the Week:
Issy drives his friend Hyman to the shops in Golders Green. As they get out of the car, Issy locks the doors in such a hurry that he forgets to remove the ignition key first.
"Oy vay," says Issy.
"Why don't we get a coat hanger to open the door," says Hyman.
"No, I don't think that'll work," replies Issy, "because passers-by will think we're breaking into the car."
"OK," suggests Hyman. We can use a penknife to cut the rubber seal around the driver's door, then I can stick in a finger and pull out the key."
"No, absolutely not." replies Issy. "Passers-by will think we're stupid for not using a coat hanger,."
"OK," says Hyman, "you'd better think of something else and quick. It's starting to rain and your sun roof's still open."

Jewsletter Tuesday, May 17, 2005

So the term is nearing its end (only 3 weeks left) and thus Hillel is running out of time to do stuff. So, with that said, we, Hillel, indeed, do welcome, you, the people, to do, stuff, as it is written, in this Jewsletter, that which you are reading, whilst in New Hampshire, and notst in California, though it be nice there, despite risk of fire, earth quake and electricity crisis, that which thou has enjoyed lack of here, be it by Hillel, that thoust haveth enjoyest thine weeks here upon the mighty banks of the Connecticut, that being said, enjoy this week, having been the week that thou hath begun thus far, indeed, yesterday.
Yeah, so, enjoy the rest of the events. And ignore the first paragraph. Also, ignore the random species of animals in between event description. My Word was acting up and adding random animals here and there. Walrus.


------ Elections ------
Next meeting, we'll be electing the following positions for the terms listed next to them. Positions listed twice mean we'll elect someone for the summer, and also elect someone for the fall/winter terms (it can be the same person). So if you want to be involved over the summer or fall, come on down to the Roth Center next week and run for something.
President - Summer Only
President - Fall/Winter
VP Membership - Summer/Fall
VP Religious Affairs - Summer Only
VP Religious Affairs - Fall/Winter

Check out the end of the Jewsletter for a description of each position.


Giant Anaconda from the Amazon


------ Shabbat Services 101: Intro to Friday Night Services at Hillel ------
Friday, May 20th at 7:00 pm @ Roth Center
Ever want to go to a Friday night Shabbat service, but not know what's going on, or intimidated by all the regulars? Come to the service designed to teach you about our Shabbat service. This term our learners service is a new format, it's more interactive, it's more accessible, and it's shorter. If you have questions, or you want to help teach any part of the service, blitz Hiram Shaish. We need people to help lead, and no experience is necessary.


Sunbathing penguin, playing hop-scotch with a martini and a piece of pie.


------ Jews and Java ------
Wednesday [tomorrow] from 1 - 4 pm @ Starbucks in Dartmouth Bookstore
Meet with fellow Jews, discuss anything, and relax with a nice cup of Starbucks Coffee. It's caffeine, without all the cost. It's coffee, without all the biscuits. It's Ben, without the cute puppy. Run by our JCSC fellow, Ben Rosenbleet.


Aardvark.


------ AQ Mass Explained ------
This Thursday at 10 PM at Aquinas House
Students at Aquinas House will hold a "Mass Explained." During the course of the evening, we will attempt to cast a light of clarification on the words and rituals of the Catholic Mass.
The Mass is the pinnacle of Catholic life and the storehouse of almost 2,000 years of religious tradition. On Thursday, we hope that you will join us as we attempt to answer some of these questions. Conversation and snacks to follow.


Platypus.
Donkey.


------ Bagel Brunch ------
Sunday 1 pm @ Roth Center
Eat some bagels, have some schmear, and chill with Jews. 1 pm at the Roth Center, Sunday. It's late enough to wake up from the night before, and early enough to call it brunch.


Gazelle. With a quail feather on its nostril.


------ Shabbat in the Woods ------
May 27-28
Wanna spend Shabbat in a cabin, hanging out with fellow Jews and enjoying nature/prayer/God/Shabbat/Jeremy Warburg? Blitz Jeremy Warburg if you want to go. We're still taking RSVPs.


A horse, jumping on a trampoline, ridden by a three-toed sloth, wearing a sombrero.


------ Claudallah - Havdallah at Claudia's House ------
May 28 at night
Come to the Hillel Mom's newly renovated house for a fun havdallah and some great food. Blitz Claudia Palmer with questions



Onward, yonder Jews, to Jews and Java, and Mass Explained, followed by the Learner's Service this Friday. Onward, indeed.

Gefilte Fish
-Evan Michals


Jew(s) of the Week: All the people on Hillel's Relay for Life team, for some great fundraising, beating Fishballoon, and leading the teams toward a victory of fighting cancer.

Goy(s) of the Week: Whoever is already camping out in front of the Nugget to see Star Wars. Those people are devoted fans, and obviously have nothing better to do. [Really, there were 2 tents set up already tonight].

Second Goy of the Week: George Lucas, for figuring out how to milk as much money from the aforementioned fans as possible, and somehow being really good at it, despite sub-par directing.

Joke of the Week:
It's 3am in the morning in Golders Green and Maurice and Golda are woken up by a loud banging on their front door. Maurice gets up and opens the door to a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain.
"Can I have a push?" says the drunk.
"No you can't," says Maurice, "it's three o'clock in the morning. Please go away, you'll wake the children."
Maurice shuts the door and goes back to bed.
"Who was that?" asks Golda.
"Just some drunk, dear, asking for a push," Maurice replies.
"So did you help him?" Golda asks.
"No I didn't. It's 3am and it's pouring with rain," replies Maurice.
Golda says, "Shame on you, Maurice. Have you already forgotten when our car broke down about six months ago in Bournemouth and those two men helped us? I think you should help the man outside."
So Maurice reluctantly does as he is told. He gets dressed, goes out into the pouring rain and calls out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" Maurice shouts.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"So where are you?" asks Maurice.
"Over here on the swing," replies the drunk



-------------------------Elected Positions--------------------------
1. President:
" To be aware of and monitor the planning and execution of events and activities involving Hillel.
" To prepare, direct, and moderate Hillel General Meetings.
" To have the final vote in committee appointments, special interest leaders, directors of fundraising and delegates to other organizations.
" To assist other officers in their endeavors as needed.
" To conduct Hillel as a body representing all Jewish students with special attention to Hillel's purpose and the diversity of Judaism at Dartmouth.
" To serve as a visible and responsible figurehead for Hillel.
" To be familiar with the details of the Hillel budget as well as the Hillel calendar of events.
" To be in constant communication with other Board members.
" To distribute the Hillel electronic newsletter.
" To sit as a voting member on the Joint Planning and Building Committee.
" To sit on the Board of the Foundation for Jewish Life at Dartmouth.
" To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
" To sit on the executive board as a non-voting member from the date of election until the beginning of the term, and again for the entire quarter after the completion of the term, if in residence.
" President is a two term position.
---------
3. Vice President of Membership:
" To direct and plan specific programs targeted at first-year students.
" To coordinate the Jewish Undergraduate Advisor (JUGA) program.
" To encourage first-year students not only to participate in Hillel events, but to be involved in the planning of said events as well.
" To participate in a wide variety of Hillel events and to serve as a vocal supporter of Hillel in the community.
" To work with the Executive Vice President to encourage less active members to collaborate on programming projects.
" To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
" To rule on the eligibility of voters present at an election.
" Vice President of Membership is a two term position.
---------
4. Vice President of Religious Affairs and Education:
" To find and schedule leaders for all Hillel services.
" To lead services if no leader can be found.
" To be responsible for the setting up of the sanctuary or appropriate venue for every Hillel service.
" To plan all student services and to be aware of all services in the Roth Center.
" To help the Rabbi ensure that Hillel remains a place where as many students as possible feel comfortable worshipping, in accordance with the organization's purpose.
" To hear and respond to the needs of all segments of the student population and to help establish building policies with regard to Shabbat, Kashrut and religious observance.
" To lead and/or organize regular study sessions and discussions if interest is present.
" To organize and promote educational presentations, lectures, and opportunities on and around the Dartmouth College campus.
" To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
" To sit as a voting member on the Religious Affairs Committee.
" Vice President of Religious Affairs and Education is a two term position.

Jewsletter
Tues. May 10, 2005

The weather is finally what it should be, and for once you actually feel warmer when you leave the library. But get those lacrosse sticks and large metal objects ready, we might get thunderstorms tomorrow. Nothing better than a nice game of lacrosse or hold-the-large-metal-rod-as-high-as-you-can on the green when it's raining and thundering. Try it, it's fun.
In ancient times, people would move in circles around the metal poles, dancing, trying to convince the storm to go away, and demonstrating their bravery by swinging the metal pole. Nowadays this ancient ritual has become a commodity in bars all across the nation. I think the ancients called it "pole dancing," but that might not translate to today's language.


***** RED WHITE AND JEW *****
Collis Commonground from 6 to 9 pm Wednesday [tomorrow]
Free Jewish food, an Ellis Island simulation, raffles for DVDs and CDs every half an hour, Chinese food, performances by Rightly Guided Thieves (6-7), DJ Vixen (7-8), Anthony Shears (8-9), and various fun games like Am I a Jew?, Jewpardy, and Toss the Kippah on the Manischewitz.
Definitely stop by, and definitely bring your friends. It'll be fun*, I guarantee it.

*Even more fun than playing hold-the-large-metal-rod-as-high-as-you-can during a thunderstorm. Really.


No Jews / Java this week.
Ben will be helping coordinate the Red White and Jew program for tomorrow evening. You'll just have to wait until next week for the free coffee. Until then, you're stuck with DDS coffee. What fun, so delicious.


"Judaism & The Messianic Question"
A Panel-led discussion featuring Rabbi Boraz, Rabbi Moshe Gray, and Prof. Ehud Benor. 7:00 pm, Thursday, May 12. Rocky 1.
This forum endeavors to not only provide a broad overview of Jewish messianism, but also the contrasting views held by two sects within the faith. 15-minute presentation times, followed by 30 minutes of Q-&-A. Drinks and light refreshments will be served.
This will be really informative, and interesting to attend. Good way to learn something before you forget other stuff this weekend.


Services/Dinner this Friday
As always, come to the Shabbat services this Friday at the Roth Center at 7 pm, followed by the *free* *catered* *fun* *delicious* *dinner* at 8pm.
Shabbat, the *Hillel* way. New, shorter, service that's more interactive.
The perfect way to give your Green Key weekend a morally-sound beginning.


Bagel Brunch
This Sunday, 1 pm. Early enough to call it brunch, late enough to wake up post-Saturday night.


Kosher Meet Market
We're looking at May 18th as the date for our human auction and speed dating program. Want to auction yourself off to the highest bidder? Want to participate? Blitz Ben Rosenbleet with questions or if you want to participate. Let us know how many people are interested. All proceeds go to charity.


Shabbat Services 101: Intro to Friday Night Services at Hillel
Friday, May 20th at 7:00 pm @ Roth Center
Want to learn how the new and improved Shabbat services are run? Are you a newcomer to Hillel's Shabbat program? Then come and find out how it works.
Also, if you want to help lead the learner's service, blitz Hiram Shaish. No experience necessary.


Golf Outing - A Golf Course That Allows Jews
Sunday, May 22nd at 2:30 pm. Meet @ Roth Center
At 2:30 pm on Sunday, May 22nd, Hillel will be having it's Golf Tournament at the Hanover Country Club. It's "first come, first slice," so RSVP to Ethan Levine by May 15th if you want to go. There are only 16 slots.
Here's the deal: There will be 4 teams of 4 (golf carts included, but I don't think they allow golf cart racing, but we could try...). It will be a scramble tournament, where the teams are made of people who are good [like Tiger Woods] and... not so good [like Rosie O'Donnell].
Here's the best part: everyone teas off, and then everyone hits their ball from the location of the team's best ball. So even if you stink at golf, you still get to have good shots, and you'll have an awesome time. No experience or equipment necessary, and you don't even have to own a polo shirt and pearl earrings.
As our Hillel President put it, "Even the [crappy] players don't have to lose."

So come play golf in probably the only tournament you can win even if you hit the ball like a walrus playing ping pong.


Shabbat in the Woods
May 27-28
Wanna spend Shabbat in a cabin, hanging out with fellow Jews and having a fun Shabbatizing night? Blitz Jeremy Warburg if you want to go. We need a head count to reserve a cabin, so RSVP by the 20th.


Claudallah - Havdallah at Claudia's House
May 28 at night
Come to the Hillel Mom's newly renovated house for a fun havdallah and some great food. You might even be able to cook, too! Blitz Claudia Palmer with questions/RSVPs.


Fiddler on the Roof
Want to watch the Broadway show in New York City at some point, either during this term, during interim, or during the summer? Blitz Hillel if you want to go. We need to gauge interest.


Well, that about wraps it up. So go grab your metal Shredder [from the Ninja Turtles] costume, and run around on the green tomorrow. What's best, even if you don't get zapped or it doesn't rain, you'll still have a fun time because you'll actually know for sure that *everyone* on the green will be looking at you. Laughing.

S to the halom, A to the leichem.
-Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: Libby Sherman and everyone else who has been working their butts off to run the Red White and Jew event. It should be a great one. Everyone should bring their friends to it.


Goy of the Week: Nancy Kerrigan, for despite being clubbed in the knee, going on to win the silver medal at the Olympics. Tonya Harding lost, because people who club knees always lose.


Joke of the Week:
Benjamin and Sarah, who were both in their 80's, invited their grandson Morris to dinner one evening. Morris was impressed by the way Benjamin preceded every request to Sarah with endearing terms - Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Sugar Plum, etc. The couple had been married over 50 years and clearly they were still very much in love. While Sarah was in the kitchen, Morris said to Benjamin, "Grandpa. I think it's wonderful that after all these years you still call grandma those loving pet names."
Benjamin hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth, Benjy," he said, "I forgot her name about 10 years ago."


Joke #2
Cyril had just retired and was having a discussion with his wife Ethel on what the future might hold for them.
"What will you do if I die before you?" Cyril asks.
After some thought, Ethel replies, "Oh, I'll probably look to share a house with three other single or widowed women. As I'm still quite active, the other three could be a little younger than me."
Then Ethel asks Cyril, "What will you do if I die first?"
Cyril replies, "Probably the same thing."

Jewsletter
05 / 03 / 05

Hey everybody! Isn't it nice how the one day the weather was supposed to be good, it ended up being kinda rainy and windy? My Bar-Mitzvah was similar; the weather report said it would be sunny, and instead we got a foot of snow. It really challenged my super-conservative Christian relatives in their 4 hour journey to see me Bar-Mitvatize. But they came. Moral of the story? Just because it's rainy and windy, doesn't mean you have to order EBA's.


:::::Yom Hashoah - Holocaust Remembrance Ceremony
This Thursday at 6:30 pm outside behind the Roth Center. There will be personal memories, poems, and readings shared by students and members of the community. If you would like to share some thoughts or help out, blitz Elana Bannerman.


:::::Wine and Cheese Reception in Honor of Fred Lerner
This Friday from 6 to 7 pm at the Roth Center, come for some wine and cheese at the Roth Center library. We'll be honoring Fred Lerner. No, he didn't invent the Learner's service, but he has completed something amazingly remarkable: he has reorganized and catalogued every single book in the library, over the past 3 or so years.
So come thank him for an amazingly incredible job well done. An RSVP to Claudia Palmer would be helpful for planning purposes.


:::::Wanna cook this Friday for the dinner?
You don't even have to cook all of it, just help out as much as you can. Blitz Hillel.


:::::Jews / Java
1-4 this Wednesday at the Dartmouth Bookstore's Starbucks. Free coffee, free caffeine, free Ben conversation.


:::::TOY Is Back!
Taste of Yisrael returns with Israeli food and music, it's quite enjoyable.
Monday at 9 pm outside of the Roth Center.


:::::Red, White, & Jew
Wednesday, May 11th, from 6 - 9 pm in Collis Commonground. Explore and celebrate 350 years of Jews in this country with games, live music, an Ellis Island experience, and more! Anthony Shears, DJ Vixen, and Rightly Guided Thieves, too!
If you want to help out in the setup or running of this event, blitz Libby Sherman.


:::::"Judaism & The Messianic Question"
A Panel-led discussion featuring Rabbi Boraz, Rabbi Moshe Gray, and Prof. Ehud Benor. 7:00-8:15 pm, Thursday, May 12. [Prospective room is Rocky 2 or Rocky 3].
This forum endeavors to not only provide a broad overview of Jewish messianism, but also the contrasting views held by two sects within the faith. 15-minute presentation times, followed by 30 minutes of Q-&-A. Drinks and light refreshments will be served.


:::::BBQ on Wheels
The roaming BBQ on wheels is back, this Saturday night around 10:30 near Rocky and on Webster Ave. Bring friends, parents, cash or dash. Proceeds go to Relay for Life.
And the meat is Kosher, too, with hot dogs and veggie burgers, so for once on campus you actual know what's in the meat you're eating!


:::::Relay for Life
Blitz Dan Belkin if you want to join the already-pioneering Hillel team, to help raise money to fight cancer. Or you could just help out with the BBQ on wheels.


:::::Kosher Meet Market - Hooking Up Jews Since 1856
We're looking at May 18th as the date for our human auction and speed dating program. Want to auction yourself off to the highest bidder? Want to participate? Blitz Ben Rosenbleet with questions or if you want to participate. Let us know how many people are interested.
All proceeds go to charity.


:::::Learner's Service - Shabbat 101
Friday, May 20th at 7 o'clock, come to the service that teaches you all about the service. Conflict with Relay for Life? No problem. There will be plenty of Jews at the Relay trained in the Jewish Arts, so either you are at Relay or at services---- both ways you can learn about Judaism.
Services are shorter, more interactive, and more energy-efficient.


::::A Country Club Jews Can Go To
At 2:30 pm on Sunday, May 22nd, Hillel will be having it's Golf Tournament at the Hanover Country Club. As Hiram says, it's "first come, first tee," so RSVP to Ethan Levine by May 15th if you want to go. There are only 16 slots.
Here's the deal: There will be 4 teams of 4 (golf carts included, Van Wilder style). It will be a scramble tournament, where the teams are made of people who are good and... not so good.
Here's the best part: everyone teas off, and then everyone hits their ball from the location of the team's best ball. So even if you stink at golf, you still get to have good shots, and you'll have an awesome time. No experience or equipment necessary.
As our Hillel President put it, "Even the [crappy] players don't have to lose."


:::::Shabbat in the Forest, Sherwood Style
Shabbat in the woods. May 27th, stay over night in one of Dartmouth's cabins for Shabbat and fun times. Or you can come for Shabbat and leave, without staying over. We're taking 20, so you need to RSVP to Jeremy Warburg.


:::::Claudallah - Havdallah at Claudia's
Saturday, May 28 at night. Come to the Hillel Mom's newly renovated house for a fun havdallah and some great food. Blitz Claudia Palmer with questions.


:::::Hebrew Teachers Needed, Experience Optional
Pay is $20/hour. Looking for Hebrew teachers and Judaic studies teachers (no
Hebrew knowledge necessary). Email saraharonson@verizon.net.


:::::Jewish Music, Jewish Audio, Get Paid
A student employee/job intern is wanted for the Dartmouth Jewish Sound Archive. Looking for someone with a genuine interest, but no experience is needed, in audio engineering, sound technology, and Jewish music. Contact Prof Lewis Glinert or Alex Hartov. Check out www.dartmouth.edu/~djsa.


So this is it, and that is that, and BBQ on Wheels plus TOY is back. Have some fun, with stuff to do, and don't forget----stay a Jew.

L'Chayim, Shalom Aleichem, Mazon,
-Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: Fred Lerner, for cataloguing and organizing the Roth Center Library. After 3 or so years, he is finally done! Good work!


Goy of the Week: The inventor of the stapler. Countless accountants have made good use of his invention. Thanks!


Joke of the Week:
[Thanks again to Alex Stein for this one. She's got some good jokes.]

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to leave Italy. There was, of course, a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with a leader of the Jewish community. If the Jewish leader won the debate, the Jews would be permitted to stay in Italy. If the Pope won, the Jews would have to leave.
The Jewish community met and picked an aged Rabbi, Moishe, to represent them in the debate. Rabbi Moishe, however, could not speak Latin and the Pope could not speak Yiddish. So it was decided that this would be a "silent" debate.
On the day of the great debate, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and chalice of wine.
Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and said, "I concede the debate. This man has bested me. The Jews can stay."
Later, the Cardinals gathered around the Pope, asking him what had happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us of our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community crowded around Rabbi Moishe, asking what happened.
"Well," said Moishe, "first he said to me, 'You Jews have three days to get out of here.'
So I said to him, 'Up yours'. Then he tells me the whole city would be cleared of Jews.
So I said to him, 'Listen here Mr. Pope, the Jews ... we stay right here!"
"And then?" asked a woman.
"Who knows?" said Rabbi Moishe. "We broke for lunch."
 

Jewsletter
Tuesday, April 26, 2005

The rain is still lingering, the air is still trying to be warm, and the sun shines the brightest when it is really windy and cold out. What fun what fun, this Dartmouth spring is. You might have noticed that your ability to digest leavened bread has gone, and will only return this Sunday, just in time for Hillel's Break the Fast Pizza and Pasta Bash.

Oh, and pasta is *not* kosher for Passover. Don't make the delicious mistake I did.


JEWISH KIDS NEED TEACHING, YOU GET MONEY
Pay is $20/hour, and you get to teach Hebrew and Judaic studies to UVJC kids. It's fun, it's entertaining, it's rewarding, and no Hebrew knowledge is necessary! Email saraharonson@verizon.net if interested.


NO JEWS / JAVA THIS WEEK
Another thing that isn't kosher for Passover is the coffee at Starbucks. Who would have thought? Anyway, we won't be running Jews and Java this week as a result. It'll be back next week.


PROFS, SERVICES, SHABBAT, OH MY
Prof Ehud Benor & Susannah Heschel, plus members of Al-Nur and AQ, will be joining us for Shabbat dinner this Friday. Come give 'em a good show, and let them know how awesome Hillel services are.


NO BAGEL BRUNCH THIS WEEK
Another thing that's not kosher for Passover----bagels! I actually knew that one, so I'm not surprised there's no bagel brunch this week. I wonder what bagel companies do for this one week a year in which they get absolutely no business...


BRING ON THE LEAVENING
Sunday May 1st, we'll have a Passover Break the Fast Pizza and Pasta Bash at 8:30 pm with plenty of pizza, pasta, and leavening to go around. Fun, with bread too!


SAVED!
Monday May 2nd, watch Saved! With AQ and Al-Nur in a joint program you won't find in a frat basement. 8:30 pm in Midmass Basement lounge. Saved!, by the way, is a great funny movie. 5 out of 6 points on the Star of David.


YOM HASHOAH
Thursday, May 5th at 6:30 pm, come to the Yom Hashoah Holocaust Memorial Service, to be held outside behind the Roth Center. Contact Elana Bannerman for more info or if you would like to participate in helping run it.


BBQ ON WHEELS IS BACK, WITH MORE TORQUE
Saturday night, May 7th, watch out for the moving barbecue on wheels, raising money for Relay for Life (cancer fighting fundraiser), with hot dogs and Veggie burgers. Wanna help? Blitz Jeremy Warburg.


Wanna join Hillel's Relay for Life team, and raise money to fight cancer? Blitz Jeremy Warburg. We need two more people to meet our recruitment goal. And nobody likes cancer.


LEAD SHABBAT?
Want to help lead the Friday night Shabbat services? No experience is necessary, and you can lead as much or as little as you want. It's an easier service, it's shorter, and there's more English. Contact Hiram if interested, and don't worry. He'll have your back through the whole thing and help you lead.

Leading a Hillel Shabbat service, "a lot easier than joining the Israeli military."

How's that for a tagline?


RED WHITE AND JEW
Help celebrate the 350th anniversary of Jews in this country. Want to help plan the celebration? Blitz Libby Sherman.
It'll be in Collis Commonground on Wednesday, May 11th from 6 to 9 pm.


CLAUDALLAH ---- HAVDALLAH AT CLAUDIA'S HOUSE
Saturday, May 28 at night. Come to the Hillel Mom's newly renovated house for a fun havdallah and some great food. Blitz Claudia Palmer with questions.
She makes a great chili. Come and find out!


So, what did we learn today? Pasta, bagels, and Starbucks are not kosher for Passover. It's easier to lead a service than join the Israeli military. Claudia makes good chili. And it is possible for a barbecue on wheels to fight cancer, one hot dog or veggie burger at a time. Good thing the BBQ is after Passover is over. Everybody likes good buns.

Peace, Shalom, Adios, and TTYL*
-Evan Michals

*I am personally not a fan of the "ttyl," but so many of you AIMers out there probably respond better to that than "Shalom Aleichem," so I try to appeal to all demographics.


Jew(s) of the Week: Rabbi and the rest of everyone who helped lead Seders last week, whether they were at the Roth Center or in your own places. Kudos to all of you, because leading a Seder is tough, but really fun. I suggest you all try it.


Goy(s) of the Week: Robert Lester, the man behind the magic of the Pavilion, for the coordination of the huge feeding frenzy we all like to call "The Big Seder" last Saturday.
Also, Claudia Palmer, for coordinating the huge Seder last week as well, in an equally-as-stressful way.

Furthermore, all the staff who cleaned, arranged, cooked, and cleaned for the Roth Center to have a truly successful first night of Passover, you guys rock. If any of you are Jewish, consider yourself a Jew of the Week. If not, then consider yourself a Goy of the Week. If you aren't sure which category you fall under, blitz Hillel or Rabbi, and we can figure things out.

Kudos to everyone.


Joke(s) of the Week:

Flight companion
Lionel is flying back to London. He boards his plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a heavy, mean-looking, giant of a man sits next to him and promptly falls asleep.
During the flight, Lionel begins to feel quite sick and wants to go to the toilet, but he's afraid to wake the giant and it would be impossible to climb over him. So Lionel has to sit there trying to decide the best course of action. Suddenly, the plane hits some air turbulence and lurches around for a few seconds. A wave of nausea overcomes Lionel and he throws up all over the giant.
Some time later, the giant awakes and sees the vomit over him.
"So," says Lionel, "are you feeling better now?"

Quick ones:
1. Moshe was talking to his friend. "I had it all, Hymie - money, a beautiful house and the love of a beautiful woman. Then pow! It was all gone."
"What happened?" asked Hymie.
"My wife found out about the beautiful woman."

2. Sharon says to Leah, "Aren't you wearing your ring on the wrong finger?"
Leah replies, "Yes - I married the wrong man."

3. Freda says to her husband, "Let's go out tonight and have some fun."
Max replies, "OK, but if you get home before me, leave the porch light on."

4. Harry said to his friend, "I married Miss right, but I just didn't know her first name was Always."

5. Moshe muttered a few words in the synagogue and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

Jewsletter
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
-----------------------------

The Green is finally green, the trees no longer look dead, and people are filling up the green like ants on an apple pie, just to take in the warmth before it leaves, because as we all know, it would be perfectly normal to have snow this weekend. Well, we will at least be having rain this weekend, so enjoy the warmth while you can, even though it doesn't come close to Southern California. At least here we don't have any earthquakes or burning bushes. And our breasts are real.

And eat as much leavened bread as you can while you still can.


Oh SEDER,
The deadline for RSVPing for the Hillel first-night-of-Passover Seder is tonight at midnight. After tonight, you are still welcome to attend the Seder, but it'll cost you 24 DBA dollars (if you make the RSVP deadline, it's only 18 DBA dollars).
* *In order to RSVP please blitz Claudia Palmer with your DBA number, which is located on your Dartmouth ID to the right of your birth date on the card, just under your Bb One number.

* The first-night Seders start on Saturday, April 23rd at 8:00pm. Please arrive at the Roth Center by 7:45pm, so we can begin on time. Pretty please.

On the first night, there will be a few different Seders happening throughout the Roth Center. The Big One is, because of its size, a basic service with both English and Hebrew, while there will be some smaller Seders of varying degrees of conservatism happening as well, such as one led by Elana Bannerman and one led by Libby Sherman. Plus, there will be a Learner's Seder run by Ariel Dowling, for those of you who want to learn about how a Seder works. Everyone is welcome to go to any one of them, but if you want to go to a small one, you should come sooner rather than later because space is limited.


ROAMING BBQ
The BBQ on Wheels, serving Hebrew National Hot Dogs + Veggie Burgers will be roaming around the area of Rocky and along Webster Ave.
Wednesday [tomorrow] night from 10:30 pm. Bring your friends, bring your prospective students. It's great food for a great cause----the Relay for Life. And since the meat is Kosher and/or not meat at all, you won't be getting cancer, while you're fighting cancer. Sweet deal, eh?
Anyone interested in helping out with BBQ on wheels should blitz Dan Belkin and Jeremy Warburg. If you want to help, show up at the Roth Center at 9:30. And, you don't need to know how to cook, you'd just need to help Dan and Jeremy wheel the beast along frat row.


CHOATESEDER
On the 2nd night of Passover (Sunday), come to Brittle lounge in the Choates (in between Little and Brown dorms) for a second night Seder you won't forget. And you won't forget it for more than just because it's a Seder in the Choates. I mean, how often does that happen? Blitz Jeremy Warburg or Dan Belkin to RSVP or if you want to help cook.


----------------
Prospie Stuff
----------------


JEWS AND THEIR FREE COFFEE, PROSPIE STYLE
Jews and Java returns this THURSDAY from 1 - 4 at the Dartmouth Bookstore. Bring your prospies, enjoy a free cup of coffee, chat with Ben Rosenbleet, and have a grand ol' Jewy time. Caffeine Free!


ROTH CENTER, PROSPIE STYLE
Thursday at 4:30 at Roth Center, come to help chat with prospective students about Jewish life at Dartmouth. It's the Roth Center open house, and we need you to help out.


ACTIVITY FAIR, PROSPIE STYLE
Friday afternoon, come help out at the activity fair for prospective Dartmouth undergrads. It's 1:30 to 3:00 at Alumni hall. Help represent Hillel to prospies. You want them to know Jews exist here.


FRIDAY NIGHT SERVICES, STYLED PROSPIE
Friday Shabbat services begin at 7, followed by the world famous* free dinner at 8. Bring your prospie, show them how Challah is really supposed to taste. Just don't go fratting afterward, because that gives them a different kind of taste... the taste left in their mouths when they lose their acceptance...

*By "world famous," I mean pretty darn good. And by "darn" I mean another word.

----------------


ALUMNISEDER
A local Dartmouth alumnus has space open at his home for his Seder. Blitz Hillel for his phone number if you want to get in contact with him: David Siegal. Not related to Steven Segal, but probably a better cook.


NO LEAVENED BAGELS, NO PROBLEM
Despite concerns raised by many, a Matzah Brunch is indeed possible, fun, delicious, and Kosher for Passover. Come this Sunday at 1 at the Roth Center for a Matzah brunch.


MOVIES WITH 3 DIFFERENT RELIGIONS
On Monday May 2nd, come watch a movie w/ Al-Nur, AQ, and Hillel in the Midmass basement. It's at 8:30 pm, and the movie is one of McCauley Culkin's and Mandy Moore's finest collaborative works ever----Saved!. It's a hilarious movie about religions. Well, mainly Christianity.


YOM HASHOAH
If you would like to sit on the Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day) service planning committee and help plan a small commemorative service to be held on either Thursday May 5 or Friday May 6, please blitz Elana Bannerman. Not a big time commitment involved--she is especially looking for people who would like to participate by either reading a short reading or poem and people with ideas or suggestions on how to make this program meaningful for their personal selves as well as the Dartmouth and Upper Valley community.


RED WHITE AND JEW
Wednesday, May 11 is the Red White and Jew festival, a celebration of American Jewry in America. It's at Collis Commonground 5-9, and will feature music, games, and social explorations into American Judaism. Oh, and food. If you want to help out, blitz Libby Sherman.


JEWISH GOLF. JOLF. or GOLWISH.
Hillel golf outing, if interested blitz Ethan Levine. May 22nd. After bagel brunch. Nuff said. Well, and you better not pop your collars while golfing. Or wear a sweater tied around your shoulders.

----------------

Man, a lot of stuff to keep track of. Good thing elephants have great memories. That's why Hillel's most recent investment is in a Dartmouth Hillel Elephant. He always remembers his Hillel events. He's like a data bank, just for Hillel. Plus, we can paint him green and ride him to football games. So the next time you forget a Hillel event, just ask the Dartmouth Hillel Elephant to fill you in. His name is gumdrop.

Shalomy my Homie(s)
Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: Lydia Gensheimer, for devoting so much time and effort into the Belarus trip and being one cool person.


Goy of the Week: Pedro. Because he's President.


Joke of the Week,
Thanks to Alex Stein for this one:

Four novice nuns were about to take their vows. Dressed in their white gowns, they came into the chapel with the Mother Superior, and were about to undergo the ceremony to marry them to Jesus, making them "brides of Christ."

Just as the ceremony was about to begin, four Hasidic Jews with yarmulkes, long sideburns and long beards came in and sat in the front row.

The Mother Superior said to them, "I am honored that you would want to share this experience with us, but do you mind if I ask you why you came?"

One of the Jews replied, "We're from the groom's family."
 

~~ KEY INFORMATION ON UPCOMING EVENTS ~~

------

* LEARNER'S SERVICE -- This Friday Night (April 15th) @ the Roth Center @ 7pm (To Be Followed By Shabbat Dinner)
A New and More Accessible Format -- Ideal Opportunity for First-Timers to come, participate, and learn!

------

*YOM HA'SHOAH (Holocaust Remembrance Day) --- Hillel is planning a Yom HaShoah program for Thursday May 5. In order to make this program personal we would like students who feel a strong connection to the Holocaust through relationships with survivors to share their thoughts and/or stories that have been passed down to them. We hope to have a number of speakers each speak for a couple of minutes. As this day is primarily about remembering those who were victims of the Holocaust we really would appreciate you sharing your stories.

If you are interested, please blitz "Elana" for more information.

-------

* DIMENSIONS Week Is Coming Up!
-April 20th -23rd
-The Dartmouth Admissions, in general, is looking for student hosts;
Sign up right now to be a host! Click on:
https://www.dartmouth.edu/apply/visiting/dhosting/
Login: hosting
Password: hosting
Questions?! Blitz 'hosting'.

Also....

-Hillel is looking for volunteers to host students particularly interested in learning about Jewish life at the College AND attending a Passover Seder
-Blitz "Jeremy Warburg" if you'd like to help Hillel reach its critical goal of meeting its hosting needs

------

*SHABBAT IN THE WOODS -- A DOC Cabin has already been rented for Friday MAY 27th -through -midday Saturday MAY 28th
-RSVP ASAP to "Jeremy Warburg" if interested in attending; Space Is Limited & Several Drivers Are Needed As Well

------

Finally...For 05s Only....
BACCALAUREATE SERVICE

With Class Day and Commencement Around the Corner, The College Chaplain is looking for a member of the Class of 2005 -- willing to share a brief 2-3 minute, meaningful prayer, reading selection, etc. -- to represent Hillel in this year's service held the afternoon of Sat. June 11th

Please Blitz the Hillel account ASAP if interested!

-----

Enjoy the rest of your week,
-The Executive Board --

Jewsletter
Tuesday, April 5, 2005

A new term is in full swing, and Hillel is still hip and Jewish, and contrary to popular belief, not from Long Island. And, despite what may be written in the Jewsletter about how awesome So Cal is and whatnot, the Jewsletter is also indeed not from California. I just really wish I could say I was from California, you know, where there are more fake chests than a Pier 1 store (thank John Leguizamo for that comparison). Then again, if I was from California, then I'd have to take crap for having the Total Junior Kindergarten Terminator Twin Cop Recall as governor. But then again, it'd be warm there.

--------

NEW POSITIONS ELECTED
House Manager - Justin Brownstone
Treasurer - Victoria Fener
Communications - Me
Community Service - Dan Belkin
Cooking Coordinators - Libby Sherman and Lydia Gensheimer
Rep to the JPBC - Elana Bannerman
SA Rep - Tatyana Liskovich
Green Key Rep - Arielle Ring
Israeli Affairs - David Rothenberg

Looks to be a solid exec board this term.


:::::::Events::::::

JEWS / JAVA
Wednesday [tomorrow] from 12 - 2:15p
Come to the Dartmouth Bookstore for some free Starbucks and a chat with none other than Ben Rosenbleet. Come and you might find out about his strange run-in with a six-foot tall bunny. Wait, never mind, don't ask him that. But he will tell you about his deep-sea explorations in the Marianas Trench and about his in-depth research of tidal pools in Madagascar.

--------

SEDER TUTORIAL
Thursday, April 7th at 6 p
Come to the Roth Center for some dinner and find out how to lead a Seder. This meeting is for all people who would like to lead a Seder this upcoming Passover, and will go over what you need to know to lead either the big Seder or a smaller one of your own.

--------

FRIDAY NIGHT SERVICE / DINNER
Friday, April 8th. Service: 7p, Dinner: 8p
A Shabbat celebration for everyone. Come, enjoy, be merry, and eat as much challah as you can, because challah is awesome, and it's fun eating awesome stuff. Especially if "awesome" means cheese pizza; but in this case it doesn't.

--------

HE'S NOT A BEASTIE BOY
Friday, April 8th at 10:30 pm at Sigma Nu
Our very own Anthony Shears will be performing this Friday at Sig Nu. For those of you who don't know, he has produced his own awesome Hip-Hop / Rap records and you'll finally be able to hear him perform live. Also, I'm willing to bet he has a better sense of beat than all of us other Jews... combined.

--------

BAGEL BRUNCH
Sunday, April 10th at 1p
Come to the Roth Center for bagels, schmear, Jews, Raz-ma-tazz, and anything else that helps beat hangovers. I mean, anything else that helps wake you up on a Sunday after fratting Saturday night. I mean, bagels taste good.

--------

LEARNER'S SERVICE: SHABBAT 101
Friday, April 15th at 7p
This term, the introduction to Friday night services will be on April 15th, and it is going to go places you never thought a learner's service could. It's a new format, it's interactive, it's more accessible, it's shorter, and it's still followed by the wonderful and free Friday night dinner.

--------

YOM HA' SHOAH
Thursday, May 5th
If you would like to sit on the Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day) service planning committee and help plan a small commemorative service to be held on either Thursday May 5 or Friday May 6, please blitz Elana Bannerman. Not a big time commitment involved--she is especially looking for people who would like to participate by either reading a short reading or poem and people with ideas or suggestions on how to make this program meaningful for their personal selves as well as the Dartmouth and Upper Valley community. As always, people who haven't yet participated in Hillel events are welcome and encouraged to help plan.

--------

AMERICAN JEWRY FESTIVAL
Wednesday, May 11th in Collis Commonground from 5 - 9p
Wanna help plan a celebration of the 350th year Jews have been in this country? Blitz Libby Sherman.

--------

PASSOVER AT HILLEL
Saturday, April 23rd
Come to the Roth Center to celebrate Passover in any of the Seders that will be going on during the first night of the holiday.
Attending a Seder will cost $18 dollars - but it's DBA, so really don't worry about it. You'd spend close to that on a dinner at food court anyway, and plus, Hillel is paying for half the meal already.
So if you and any friends want to go to a Seder at Hillel, you must RSVP to Claudia Palmer by April 19th. In your RSVP, you need to provide Claudia with your DBA number, which is located on your student ID right next to your birth date on the card, just under your Bb One number.
Hillel Seders are awesome, so definitely get your friends to go to one with you.

--------

SHABBAT IN THE WOODS
May 27-28
Wanna spend Shabbat in a cabin, hanging out with fellow Jews and enjoying God's majesty? And by "majesty" I mean nature. Blitz Jeremy Warburg if you want to go. We need a head count to reserve a cabin.

--------

GOD SQUAD SOFTBALL
Want to play with fellow God-lovers in IM softball? Blitz Jeremy Warburg.

--------

BIRTHRIGHT ISRAEL
Want to take a free and safe trip to Israel through the Birthright Israel program? It's 10 days long and leaves June 18th. Blitz Ben Rosenbleet about it, or go to Jews and Java Wednesday to talk with him about it first-hand. He has some great stories.

--------

MONEY AND LEARNING GO WELL TOGETHER
The UVJC is looking for Dartmouth students who will be on campus next year (Fall, Winter, and Spring) who would like to tutor the upcoming B'nai Mitzvah kids. Pay is great (around $25/hour) and the relationship which you develop with the kids is priceless. We will train you; you need only to be comfortable reading Hebrew. Tutors meet once a week for an hour with the kids. Interested? Email Jan Salzman at jansalz@sover.net for further info.

--------

Well, that about wraps it up. The Green is dryer, the air is warmer, and students no longer smell bad after rolling around on the Green. Enjoy this term's evens, and especially try not to miss So Cal so much, because the summer is coming, and soon it will be less like Long Island.

Shalom Aleichem
Evan Michals

--------

Jew of the Week: Stephen Spielberg, because he is the man.

Goy of the Week: The inventor of pizza, whoever he is, for making Hillel meetings tasty.

Quote of the Week: Hiram said 'bip', imitating the beep a card scanner makes. It was a very accurate imitation.

Joke of the Week:
Sadie is dying. As she lay in her bed, she says, "Shlomo, are you here?"
"Sadie, can't you see I'm standing right next to you?" replies Shlomo.
"Well that's a change," says Sadie, "I'm not used to having you at home."
"Oh now come on darling," says Shlomo, "you didn't really expect me to be out of the house when you're dying?"
"Well it wouldn't have surprised me," says Sadie.
"Please let's not argue," says Shlomo.
"OK," says Sadie, "but I want you to promise me something. How many cars have you ordered to go to the cemetery?"
"Four," replies Shlomo.
"Does that include the hearse?" asks Sadie.
"Yes," replies Shlomo, "but this is not the time to talk about it."
"Shlomo, it's my funeral, remember," says Sadie. "Four cars are too many. If people want to come, let them find their own way there. Cancel one of the cars."
"OK," says Shlomo.
"And I want you to promise me something else," says Sadie.
"Anything darling," says Shlomo.
"I want you and my mother to travel together in the same car," says Sadie.
"But darling," says Shlomo, "you know we've not spoken to one another for at least ten years."
"I know," says Sadie, "but I don't care. It's what I want. Promise me you'll do it."
"Well, OK," replies Shlomo, "I'll do it, but let me tell you now, it will ruin the day for me."

JEWSletter
Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Welcome back to Dartmouth, home of Keggy, cold air, a smelly Green, Harvard rejects, and the last pulp-like remains of a giant snow pirate ship. Ah, classes have begun, books have been bought at horribly non-competitive prices, and DBA is refilled. It's the smell of a new term; it's the smell of a new beginning, a new spring, a new mud stain, a new course load, and a new reason why we miss So Cal-because So Cal is fun, warm, and sunny. That only happens here during Jews and Java.


JEWS/JAVA
Wednesday from 1-4pm @ Dartmouth Bookstore
The Crazy Caffeinated Kid is back, and he's ready to chat, give out free Starbucks, and give your afternoon that little shimmer of light that keeps you going through classes. Meet Ben Rosenbleet at the Starbucks in the Dartmouth Bookstore, and enjoy a free cup of coffee, courtesy of Hillel. Sugar is free too.


FRIDAY NIGHT SERVICES/DINNER
Fridays this term, Shabbat services are at 7pm, followed by a FREE home-cooked dinner at 8pm, all at the beautiful Roth Center. Free food, free wine, free challah. What more could a Dartmouth Jew want? [No, we don't have kegs].


BAGEL BRUNCH
This Sunday at 1pm @ Roth Center
Enjoy some bagels, schmear, and another one of those shimmers of light that keep you going through the weekend: Jeremy Warburg. It's late enough to wake up from the night before, and early enough to call it brunch.


AMERICAN JEWS AND ISRAEL
Monday, April 4 at 6 @ Rocky 1.
"Roles, Responsibilities and Relationships of American Jews with Israel." A solid discussion with knowledgeable panelists. Light Refreshments Served; Panelists: Prof. Lewis Glinert, Prof. Meir Kohn, Prof. Ehud Benor. The moderator is none other than our very own Rabbi Edward Boraz.
Discussion? Argument? Come find out.


JEWS BEEN HERE A LONG TIME
350 or so years, to be exact. We're celebrating the 350th anniversary of Jews in America on May 11th from 5-9pm with a festival at the Collis Commonground. Wanna help out? Blitz Hillel. Was your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather the first Jew here? Come find out!


DON'T PASS OVER THIS SEDER
April 23rd is the first day of Passover this year, and so accordingly, we're celebrating our tuchus off. The Roth Center will be filled with all sorts of Seders led by different people in different rooms.
* Wanna lead your very own Passover Seder? It can be anything from a conservative Seder to a no-holds-barred chocolate Seder. All food and wine would be provided for your Seder. Blitz Hiram with where you want the Seder to be and what type you'll do.
* There will be a meeting for anyone who wants to learn how to lead a Seder on Thursday, April 7th at 6 @ The Roth Center, and dinner will be included, so talk to your friends and figure out how your Seder's gonna be. If you want to attend the meeting, RSVP to Hillel.
* Wanna help shape how this year's main Seder will look like or help lead it? Blitz Hiram to help brainstorm.


HOST SOME JEWS
Unfortunately, God scheduled Passover during dimensions weekend, so some Jewish 09s will be sticking around for the first night of Passover and will need a place to stay. If you would like to not only host a prospective student but also take them to a Seder, blitz Jeremy Warburg.
And no, this is not a way to meet future freshmen girls. Talk to Chi Gam if you're interested in that.


HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST MEAT AND CHEESE?
Do you want to help Kashrut our kitchen? It involves cleaning utensils and plates to make sure everything's Kosher. Blitz Hillel if you wanna help.


SHABBAT 101: SERVICES FOR NEWBIES
This term's learner's service is on Friday, April 15th. It's a new format, which will be much more accessible to more people. If you want to help lead as little or as much as you like, blitz Hiram.


JEALOUS OF BAR-MITZVAHS?
Never had a bar/bat mitzvah before? Jealous of your neighbor Sammy who had a Bar-Mitzvah party in the Hamptons and got a yacht for turning 13? Well, we won't take you to the Hamptons, but we might give you a yacht*, during the new beni-mitzvah program. No prior Jewish knowledge necessary. Think about this rare opportunity to stick it to Sammy, and look for more info to come. Blitz Hillel if curious.

*By "yacht" I mean "pumpkin carving." Stress the word "might."


NEW POSITIONS TO ELECT NEXT WEEK
At next week's meeting, we'll be electing a new...
Cooking Coordinator
House Manager
Treasurer
Community Service Chair
Communications Chair (well, hopefully this position won't be a new person...)
Israel Affairs Rep.
SA Rep
Green Key Rep
Rep to the Joint Planning and Building Committee (JPBC)


Wow, lot's of stuff, lots of events, lot's of Jewy fun. Hopefully the mud will dry, the Green will smell better, and one day Tom Cruise will shake Rabbi's hand.


Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals

Jew of the Week: David Kerem, el nuevo presidente, for successfully running his first meeting. Good going!

Goy of the Week: Kelley Durkin, for being quite the energetic presence at AQ, and for pledging to help coordinate events between Hillel and AQ this term. Good going!

Survey of the Week: What should we do now that Panda House is closing?

Joke of the Week:
Moshe worked in an upmarket men's clothes shop in London. One day, his boss Avrahom returned from lunch and noticed Moshe's hand was bandaged. Before he could ask what happened, Moshe told him that he had some good news to report, "I finally sold that ridiculous suit we've had in stock for such a long time."
"Do you mean that repulsive bright orange-and-blue double-breasted thing?" said Avrahom."
"That's the one!" said Moshe.
"Mazeltov," Avrahom shouted, "I really thought we'd never get rid it - it had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had. But tell me, Moshe, why is your hand bandaged?"
"Simple," Moshe replied, "as soon as I sold the suit to the gentleman, his guide dog bit me."
 

Winter 2005

((((( Jewsletter )))))
((((( Tuesday, March 01, 2005 )))))

So the last couple weeks are upon us, which means less Hillel and more finals and papers. But alas, our weekly events are still strong, our Jews will have Java, our Bagels will Brunch [with crêpes!], our Movies will be at Night, our Joseph will wear his Coat, and our Purim will be a Ball. Enjoy, fine Jewry of Hanover. Be merry, be well, and for heaven's sake, don't drink too much Manischewitz.


((((( Movie Night )))))
Come this Wednesday [tomorrow] for a showing of The Producers, a hilarious Mel Brooks film. There will be snacks, humor, good times, a donkey, traveling jesters, an elephant that plays the piano, carnies, a bearded lady with a fish tail for legs, and clowns that are actually funny.
Wait, sorry, wrong movie. There will just be snacks, humor, and good times. Sorry for the misunderstanding.


((((( Jews / Java )))))
Wednesday [tomorrow] afternoon, from 1 - 4 pm @ Starbucks in Dartmouth Bookstore. Chat with the infamous Ben Rosenbleet, and he might tell you his stories of yore, or of his safari adventures in Africa, the Yukon, and Istanbul. Just ask him. Though I warn you, he might pretend not to know what you're talking about...


((((( Bagel and Crêpe Brunch )))))
This Sunday at 1 pm @ Roth Center. Classic Seinfeld episodes, bagels, schmear, and Jews. And there will be crêpes, too, with all your favorite toppings, freshly baked by Jeremy Warburg and Co. So come for bagels and crêpes! Delicious, indeed.
"It's late enough to wake up from the night before, and early enough to call it brunch."
And what's best, the floor is clean, so if you drop your bagel on the floor, you can dust it off and still eat it. As long as it lands face-up. I know from experience. Just ask Hiram Shaish. He saw me.


((((( Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat )))))
This Saturday, March 5th at 7 pm @ Collis Commonground.
Starring the children of the Upper Valley Jewish Community, directed and choreographed by Rachel Karpf '07 & Frank Glaser '08, musical direction by Stephen Secules '07, and set and lighting design by Jeremy Warburg '08.
Tickets available at the door and donations gladly accepted; all proceeds benefit the UVJC.
Those kids are so darn cute. Come see!


((((( Purim Ball )))))
Tuesday, March 8 from 8 to 11 pm @ Hanover Inn.
DJ, dancing, costume contests, prize raffles, free hamentashen, hors d'oeuvres and an open bar [bring ID] at the Daniel Webster room of the Hanover Inn. Costumes highly encouraged. We'll crown a Queen Esther and Uncle Mordechai [forget for the moment that they were related].
It's about time that I can finally break out the pimp costume I've been saving. I've been looking for the right excuse to wear it, since a pimp in Hanover stands out like I do at Tri-Kap.


((((( Relay for Life )))))
Hillel is forming a team to raise money to fight cancer. Once you join, you try to raise money for the Hillel team, so the sooner you join, the sooner you can start raising that dough. Blitz Dan Belkin if you want to join.


((((( Darfur Discussion )))))
The William Jewett Tucker Foundation presents.....
Genocide And Gender In Darfur: A Noon Discussion
Join Human Rights Advocate Mamie Mutchler for lunch and discussion about the recent events in the Darfur region of Sudan.
Wednesday, March 2 At Noon At The Tucker Foudnation.


((((( Sex Talk )))))
The Office of Religious and Spiritual Life - Tucker Foundation presents:
A panel discussion about "Sex and Religion: What Does God Think About Sex... And What Does That Mean For You?" Featuring the top minds of the United Campus Ministry: Rabbi Moshe Gray, Chabad; Nancyrose Logan, Quaker - Society Of Friends; Erik Turnberg, Episcopal Campus Ministry; Nicole Leonard, Provision Christian Fellowship; Moderator: Kent Dahlberg, Campus Crusade.
3 P.M. Friday, March 4, Carson L02.


((((( Interested? )))))
Interested in journalism? How about Jews? Interested in Jewish journalism? Check out www.CampusJ.com


((((( Something for the relatives )))))
Do your parents and grandparents nag you about what you do on campus? Would they like to know more about Jewish life and Hillel at Dartmouth? Sign them up for the Kol Koreh, Hillel's newsletter.
If you think they'd enjoy receiving this publication (it's free!), please blitz back the Hillel account with their address(es).
Give back to the parents who have given you so much. And help spread the word about Hillel. Maybe you can get them to give us money. Send all money to Hillel, c/o Evan's pocket.


Well, that about wraps it up. While watching The Producers, having your Java, eating your Bagels, enjoying your crêpes, and watching Joseph strut his stuff, be thinking about your costumes for Purim Ball. And remember, the more you stand out, the better. Also, try to color coordinate with the hamentashen. It'll look better that way, when you have the crumbs on your clothing from spending all night next to the food in the back of the room. Oh, wait, that's just me. Never mind. I'm just kidding, I have a date. Really. I do. Yeah.
Have a great week.

Shalom Aleichem
Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Blitz Evan07 with comments or free offers.
Blitz Hillel with hamentashen recipes.


Jew of the Week: Michelle Schwartz, for putting in a great term of Presidency where lots of great events were held that drew many new faces to Hillel, and communication and coordination between various student groups on campus was made, most recently being a co-effort with Al-Nur that you guys will hear more of in the spring term.


Second Jew of the Week: Ezra (Azi) Tzfadya, for despite having a busy schedule, still putting in effort to make Dartmouth's Jewish community strong, and for keepin' it real.


Third Jew of the Week: Mrs. Israel, Sima Bakhar, who is now Mrs. World as of Friday the 25th. So for 2005, Israel has the hottest woman in the world. Woo!


Goy of the Week: Dale Correa, for coordinating with Hillel on a new project, a co-effort between us two groups for speakers and discussions, that you guys will see come to fruition in the spring term.


Survey of Last Week: The Dartmouth youth were asked which was better: teriyaki or barbecue sauce, and the results are in... Teriyaki won by a large margin, followed by barbecue sauce, and in what has become a recent tradition, ketchup got third, even though it wasn't a choice. A+.


Survey of This Week: Should Social Security be modified the way Bush wants, by allowing some of it to be put into the stock market?


First Joke of the Week:
Things your computer would do if it was Jewish:
- The cursor moves from right to left.
- Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, the PC gets a "Verklempt" error.
- Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
- Your "start" button would be replaced with a "let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button.
- "Abort, Retry, Ignore" would be replaced with "Stop it already - you're killing me. You vant I should try again? I didn't hear that!"
- When disconnecting external devices from the back of the PC, it instructs you to "Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus."
- When running "scandisk," it prompts with a "You want I should fix this?" message.
- Computer viruses can now be cured with some matzo ball chicken soup.
- If you decide not to shut down the computer in the prescribed manner, the following message appears "You should be ashamed of yourself."
- When spell-check finds an error it prompts "Is this the best you can do?"


Second Joke of the Week:
Moshe was a bragger and loved to out-do his friends whenever he could and now it was coming up to the time of his son Isaac's bar mitzvah. He gave it a lot of thought and then, after studying many brochures and maps, he hit upon a perfect, unique way to celebrate - a safari.
So Moshe went ahead with the detailed arrangements. He started off by hiring a special flight to Africa to accommodate all the invited family and friends. Then he chose a guide and his bearers. He phoned the guide long distance and told him what he wanted.
"I want my entourage to be able to hear jungle chants; I want to be able to shoot some wild animals, on film of course; I need a clearing to be found where my Rabbi can hold the service; and I want my son to be able to recite his prayers in Hebrew whilst standing on the body of an anaesthetized lion."
"OK," said the guide, "no problem."
The guests were ecstatic when they received details of the weekend and all accepted their invite. Come the day of departure, they were all flown to Africa. On arrival, the guide and bearers were waiting for them, together with 30 elephants. Off they went with the guide leading the way and directing the elephants along the narrow trails through the rain forest. But then, just 5 hours into the journey, the column of elephants came to a sudden halt and the guide shouted, "There will now be a delay of 2 hours."
Moshe was angry at this. "Why the delay?" he asked his guide.
"There's nothing I can do," said the guide, "there's another two bar mitzvah safaris ahead of us."


Third Joke of the Week:
One day, Benny the psychiatrist was coming home from work on the subway when he saw an elderly gentleman talking to himself and then laughing aloud. Every so often, the man would put up his hand, stop talking then start all over again. Benny had to find out more.
"Excuse me, I hope you don't mind me asking, but is there anything I can do to help?"
"Thank you but no. To keep me awake, I tell myself jokes when I'm traveling."
"But why do you keep raising your hand?" asked Benny.
"Oh, that's to stop me telling a joke I've heard before."

{ Jewsletter }
{ Tuesday, February 22, 2005 }


    This week started off with a bang. I'm not sure what that means, or why this week did that, but it sounds good. This week started with a bang. It banged when it started. The first thing it did was bang. Well, tonight's meeting had some bangs of its own. Like all good meetings of Jews, there was much debate and chatter over the elected officials, but we finally arrived at a democratic solution. We voted.

We elected the following new positions:
VP of Religious Programming: Hiram Shaish
Executive VP: Jeremy Warburg
President: David Kerem

    Should be a great spring term. But for now, on to the upcoming events this term...


Events::Jews/Java
    Once again, Ben Rosenbleet is at it again, distributing caffeine to Jews. Come to the Dartmouth Bookstore's Starbucks Café and enjoy a FREE cup of coffee. No cake, pies, or cookies. Only coffee. You want cookie, you pay for cookie.
    And it's from 2 - 4 tomorrow [Wednesday], starting an hour later this time, because Ben is off saving the world for a little while. Really. You should ask him about it. Ask him about his sidekick, Dan Villone. They have really good stories. Really.


No Event::Movie Night
    There will be no movie night this week, due to the performance of Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad. Come back next week for The Producers.


Event::Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad
    [Tomorrow] Wednesday, February 23rd at 7 pm @ Collis Commonground
    It's a traveling female comedy troupe that has been featured on Def Comedy Jam. They defy the stereotypes through comedy and entertainment. Really funny. Funnier than catapulting a squirrel on a trampoline.


    And right after Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad, see Hotel Rwanda at the Hop, in preparation for...


Event::Paul Rusesabagina
    Man who Inspired Hotel Rwanda Visits.... This Thursday, February 24th at 7 pm @ Alumni Hall
    He is the man who saved 1200 Rwandans during the genocide in the country, and is the inspiration for the movie Hotel Rwanda. See the movie, meet the man.


Event::Volunteer at David's House
    On Sunday, February 27, we'll be going to David's House, and cooking dinner for families of child patients at DHMC in the afternoon [2 hour time commitment]. Blitz Yardena if you want to help. It's a good thing.


Events::Bagel Brunch
    This Sunday, come to the Roth Center at 1 o'clock to watch Seinfeld episodes, eat bagels, have schmear, and be merry. Why merry, you ask? Because lox tastes good in cream cheese, which tastes good with Newman's Own Raz-ma-tazz.


Event::Purim Ball
    Tuesday, March 8 from 8 to 11 pm @ Hanover Inn
Open bar, dj, dancing, prize raffles, costume contests, free hamentashen, and more fun than a barrel of monkeys fighting with a barrel of gofers over a piece of cheese.


Fundraiser::Relay for Life
    Wanna be on the Hillel team for Relay for Life? Blitz Hillel or Daniel Belkin.


Stuff::CampusJ
    Interested in Jewish journalism? Check out www.CampusJ.com


Stuff::Win Points With Grandparents
    Do your parents and grandparents nag you about what you do on campus? Would they like to know more about Jewish life and Hillel at Dartmouth? Sign them up for the Kol Koreh, Hillel's newsletter. If you think they'd enjoy receiving this free publication, blitz back the Hillel account with their address(es).
    It's a good way to get a care package, and to let the grandmother know you're still Jewish...


    Well, another week ends, and we are another week closer to the end of the term. We've got some great events coming up [this week is a big one], so enjoy yourselves, and try not to have too much lox cream cheese. Unless of course you have some Raz-ma-tazz to wash it down with.

Shalom Aleichem
Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: Jake Anderson, for picking a fight with the ski mountain and winning. Tough guy.

Goy of the Week: Gwen Rudie, for devoting so much of her time to being a great UGA for her floor.

Survey of Last Week: When asked which pizza restaurant was better, the Jews of Dartmouth chose Ramuntos [which won by far], followed by EBA's in second, and Panda House in last place, since once again, some people can't read.

Survey of the Week: Barbecue sauce or Teriyaki sauce? This goes for any food you'd put them on. Blitz Evan07 with your responses.

Joke of the Week:
    Hyman is 25 and leads the most over-examined life you can imagine. Each day, he spends his time thinking about those he met that day, worrying about everything said to him, wondering about every look, gesture and expression made, and hoping he came across OK. Even when he goes to bed, he has to write at least two pages in his diary about his conclusions and how he will improve his actions the following day to make people like him more.
    One day, Hyman goes to Max, one of his few friends, in a very agitated state. "What's wrong?" asks Max.
    "Well," replied Hyman, "my father and I never had much of a relationship while I was growing up. He's always ignored me and he's never encouraged me to succeed. I've been trying to get him to talk to me for some time now, but without success. Then last night, out of the blue, he rings me and invites me out to dinner. I was shocked. I tried to work out - why now, why dinner, why ...."
    "But did you go?" said Max.
    "Yes, but during dinner, I said the wrong thing. It was just a slip of the tongue really and I didn't mean it the way it sounded."
    "Well, so what did you say?" asked Max.
    Hyman replies, "I meant to say, 'please pass the salt', but it came out as, 'you miserable old sod, you've ruined my life'."

******Jewsletter********
Tuesday, February 15, 2005


Well, I have to write this Jewsletter quickly, because I have tickets for the Lebanon Traveling Circus for later tonight. It's where we college students can see what local life is like, but without carnies, and with popcorn and clowns [or townies]. I'm looking forward to the internationally renowned dancing ferret. His name is Jerry, and he does a nice jig considering all his fur. Should be quite the show.

[Please accept my humblest apologies. I couldn't think of an introduction.]



>>BOWLING THIS SATURDAY?
Hillel has reserved two lanes to go bowling this Saturday from 7 to 9 pm in White River Junction. We need to get numbers for who wants to go, so if you want to go, RSVP to Hillel no later than NOON on THURSDAY. Remember, it's late enough to eat a good dinner, and early enough to enjoy your extracurricular activities.


>>JEWS / JAVA
Come to the Dartmouth bookstore from 1 to 4 pm Wednesday [tomorrow], get a free cup of Starbucks coffee, some chatting with Ben Rosenbleet, and if you so desire, a chocolate. Yes, you can even get free chocolate. Want to get a free book? Come and find out if you can.


>>MOVIE NIGHT
7 pm at the Roth Center Wednesday [tomorrow], come see Adam Sandler in his post-Happy Gilmore years. The Wedding Singer is the movie, and they'll be plenty of snacks to enjoy while watching him sing. Ever wonder how to train a sea-lion? Come and find out!*

*Probably not, unless the sea-lion trainer actually shows this time...


>>ELECTIONS NEXT WEEK
We'll be electing the President, the Vice President, and the Vice President of Religious Affairs. You wanna run? Come to the meeting. I will be....


>>RELAY FOR LIFE
Hillel is putting together a team to raise money for this year's Relay for Life. We already have people volunteering to help out, so if you want to help, blitz Hillel.


>>NICE JEWISH GIRLS GONE BAD
Wednesday, February 23rd at 7 pm @ Collis Commonground. Traveling female comedy troupe who have been featured on Def Comedy Jam. They defy the stereotypes through comedy. And they're funny. They talk about stuff you don't learn in Women and Gender Studies.


"Bark! Bark-bark! Bark!"
"What is it, Lassie?"
"Bark! Bark-bark-bark! Bark-bark!"
"What, Timmy's fallen in the well?"


>>MAN WHO INSPIRED HOTEL RWANDA VISITS
Thursday, February 24th at 7 pm @ Alumni Hall. Paul Rusesabagina will be coming to speak. He is the man who saved 1200 Rwandans during the genocide in the country, and is the inspiration for the movie Hotel Rwanda, which will be playing at the Hop the night before [at 7 and 9:15 pm]. See the movie, meet the man.


Although a classic joke, Timmy never once fell into a well. He did get trapped in a mine, trapped in a badger hole, carried off in a balloon so he had to survive in the wilderness and almost drowned, trapped in a pipe, caught in quicksand, locked in a shed with an armed robber, and many more. But never once a well. Lassie fell in a well, though.

Okay, I was bored on Google.


>>VOLUNTEER AT DAVID'S HOUSE
On Sunday, February 27, we'll be going to David's House, and cooking dinner for families of child patients at DHMC. Volunteer; it's a good thing.


>>PURIM BALL
Tuesday, March 8 from 8 to 11 pm @ Hanover Inn. Open bar, dj, dancing, costume contests, raffles, free hamentashen, and awesomeness. What more could a hungry, partying, costume-wearing Jew want?


Stay classy, San Diego.


Shalom Aleichem,
Evan 'Easy E' Michals
Blitz Evan07 with comments or humor. Blitz Hillel with questions or complaints.


Jew(s) of the Week: Margot L. Langsdorf and her friend Nina Edelman, for being best of friends throughout their college days, and occasionally devoting their time to Hillel.


Goy of the Week: Luz Lomeli, for devoting her time to get Hillel to have a Relay for Life team, for wanting to go bowling with Hillel before any of the Jews did, and for being awesome.


Survey of Last Week: Coke won, by a close margin, and third place goes to Root Beer, since one of you fine readers didn't understand what picking "Pepsi or Coke" meant...


Survey of the Week: EBA's, Ramunto's, or Domino's pizza? Blitz Evan07 with which is better.


Joke of the Week:
One night, Nathan overhears his son Benny saying his prayers. "God bless mummy and daddy and grandma. Goodbye, grandpa."
Nathan thinks this a bit strange. The next day, the grandfather dies.
About a month or two later, Nathan hears Benny saying his prayers. Once again, "God bless mummy. God bless daddy. Goodbye, grandma."
The next day the grandmother dies. Nathan gets more than a little worried about the whole situation.
Two weeks later, Nathan once again overhears Benny's prayers. "God bless mummy. Goodbye, daddy."
This nearly gives Nathan a heart attack. He doesn't say anything, but gets up early next morning to go to work to avoid the traffic. He stays out all through lunch and dinner and finally, after midnight, leaves his office. He's still alive!
When he gets home, he apologizes to his wife, Sarah. "I'm sorry, darling. I had a very bad day at the office."
"You think you had a bad day?" Sarah says, "The postman dropped dead on our doorstep this morning."

oooooo Jewsletter oooooo
Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Hey you! Yes, you, the fine member of the Dartmouth community that's currently reading the Jewsletter! In last week's episode, we were wondering if Yeti is kosher. Many people responded saying it probably is not, and after extensive research, we at the Jewsletter Exploration Workshop Station (JEWS) found out that Addax, Antelope, Bison, Cow, Deer, Gazelle, Goat, Ibex, Sheep, and questionably Giraffe are all kosher.* That's if you don't put cheese on them. Fortunate for us, gazelle don't run around with cheese on their backs, like some amphibians do. But I don't think a safari shotgun is a kosher way of killing a gazelle, unless maybe a rabbi takes the shot... Is amphibian kosher?
* Special thanks to lead researcher Jeremy Warburg. He wins a free set of lab goggles, or a poodle. We'll flip a coin for it next week. Whichever he doesn't win, we'll give to the Yeti.


JEWS / JAVA
Come to the Dartmouth Bookstore and get a free cup of Starbucks coffee, tomorrow [Wednesday] from 1 to 4 pm. What better way to relieve midterm stress than caffeine! And Jews! No Yeti. But maybe a gazelle (without cheese).


BOWLING / BROOMBALL
Want to go bowling with Hillel? Or want to be on a broomball team to compete in the Programming Board tournament on the 26th? Blitz Jeremy Warburg for either, if you want to help out. Maybe he'll let you wear his goggles, or walk his poodle.


HILLEL T-SHIRTS
They say "Dartmouth" in phonetic Hebrew, and they're awesome. I was already approached by one guy at the gym who liked the shirt. Really. You should buy one for yourself. They're really cool. Blitz Hillel if you want one. All the ladies, they love them, from the bleachers, they're screamin'.


MOVIE NIGHT
This Wednesday we're watching Life of Brian, a funny comedy about religion and friends. Free food, free fun, free Jews, cheese-free gazelle. 7 pm at the Roth Center.


SEINFELD SUNDAYS / BAGEL BRUNCH
This Sunday, since football is over, come to the Roth Center at 1 pm and eat some bagels with some schmear, and watch Seinfeld. Remember, it's late enough to wake up from the night before, and early enough to call it brunch.


TOY WILL BE BACK
On Monday, March 7th, TOY will make it's triumphant return when the weather is nice, the birds are chirping, and love is in the air. That's before mud is on the ground and smell is in the air. Even though we're getting some of that right now. Gotta love global warming.


JOSEPH AND HIS COLORED JACKET
Joseph, the guy with the Technicolor Dreamcoat, will be performed by cute little kids on March 5th. Come watch them be cute and Jewish, and it's brought to life by Dartmouth students!


VOLUNTEER FOR CANCER PATIENTS
On Sunday, February 27, we'll be going to David's House, and cooking dinner for families of child cancer patients at DHMC. It's a good thing. We won't be cooking gazelle.


PURIM BALL
Dance the night away, in costume, with a dj, and an open bar. The date has been set. Tuesday, March 8th from 8 to 11 pm at the Hanover Inn. Sorry, no kegs, but you can certainly dress as one. You could also dress as a cheese-covered gazelle, but a Yeti has a better chance of being let in.


NICE JEWISH GIRLS GONE BAD
Wednesday, February 23rd, at 7 pm at the Collis Commonground, come watch funny Jewish girls in their comedy show that has been featured on Def Comedy Jam. They're Jewish, they used to be nice, but now they're bad. And they might be single. Come find out!


HOTEL RWANDA INSPIRATION
Paul Rusesabagina is the man who saved 1200 Rwandans during the genocides in their country. See Hotel Rwanda at the Hop on February 23rd (at 9:15, so you can see Nice Jewish Girls beforehand...) then meet the man who inspired the movie on February 24th at 7 at Alumni Hall.


Well, that about wraps it up. I feel like eating ice cream. I also feel like taking a transatlantic flight to eastern Spain to throw tomatoes at people in Valencia. But neither will happen soon. Ah, well. At least we have midterms to keep us company. And at least we can put soy cheese on our gazelle meat.


Peace out
Shalomy my homey
-Evan Michals
Blitz Evan07 with comments, questions, concerns, or smoothie recipes.


Jew of the Week: Anthony Shears. He's an 06 who has released several hip hop records, and he's modest, friendly, and one of the coolest Jews I know. And he was featured in the D.


Goy of the Week: Jose Conseco, for helping people realize that drugs are the answer to a successful career.


Survey of the Week: Pepsi or Coke? Blitz Evan07 with your responses, and I'll post the percentages next week.


Joke of the Week:
#1
Jacob from Russia had just completed a training course titled, 'Improve your English' and was taking an oral exam. The examiner asked him to spell "cultivate."
Jacob spelled it correctly.
Then the examiner asked Jacob to use the word 'cultivate' in a sentence.
Jacob thought about it for a while, then replied, "Last vinter, on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for de bus but it vas too cultivate so I took an underground train home."


#2
Melvyn goes to his girlfriend's house for the first time. Sharon shows him into the living room and then excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices a colorful little vase on the mantelpiece and picks it up. As he's looking at it, Sharon walks back in.
Melvyn says, "What's this?"
Sharon says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
Melvyn is suddenly lost for words. He says, "Jeez...oooh....I..."
Sharon then says, "Yes, he's too lazy to get up off the couch and go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

Jewsletter
Tuesday, February 01, 2005

A great Jewish thinker* once said, "each man has his dreams and aspirations, and to some, all that is thought is naught but each dream. And that's okay, unless that dream is to eat bacon." Fortunate for us, Bacon-Bits are kosher, from vegetable extract. Now here's a question: Is Yeti kosher? Does anyone know if it chews its cud? Anyone?

*Evan Michals [me]

_____Hot Hebrew T-Shirts!
They say Dartmouth in phonetic Hebrew, and we have them in both green-shirt-white-text and grey-shirt-green-text. Man, they are so hot, even I can find girls wearing them.
They're $10, and proceeds go to Magen David Adom. We will be selling them tomorrow [Wednesday] in the Roth Center at 4 PM, and if you're not cool enough to get them then, we'll be selling the rest Thursday in Thayer Lobby. Get them before we sell them to non-Jews. Not that that's bad or anything....

_____Jews/Java
Coffee, free, and deeeelish. 1-4 Wednesday, at the Dartmouth bookstore. Ever heard a Jewish argument when coffee is introduced? Ever see two grizzly bears fighting over a fish? Similar, but different... in a Jewish way.

_____Movie Night
Wednesday, at 7pm, at Roth Center, watch Snatch. It's not made by Jews, it's not starring Jews, but it has some great performances by gentiles pretending to be Jews, including robbing diamonds. And it's really funny too. And Brad Pitt is hotter than ever, as always. But not Jewish. I hear his agent is, though...

_____Joint UVJC Service this Friday
Come to the Roth Center for a 5:30 wine and cheese Kiddush, followed by services and dinner co-organized by the Upper Valley Jewish Community at 6 and 7 pm, respectively. Also deeeelish. And it's one of the few joint services you won't find at a frat!

_____Superbowl Sunday
This Sunday, February 6th, come to the Roth Center at 4:30 pm to help teens of the UVJC cook humus and falafel, snacks for the game, then watch the game at 6 on the nice tv. Jews and pigskin, a solid combination. It's okay [kosher] as long as we don't eat the football.

_____Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad
Jewish female comediennes, performing at Collis Commonground at 7 on February 23rd. Funny, Jewish, and cute too.

_____Hotel Rwanda Inspiration
Paul Rusesabagina will be coming to speak the day after Hotel Rwanda is shown at the Hop. He's the man who saved 1200 Rwandans during the genocides in their country, and you can listen to him speak on Thursday, February 24th.

_____TOY is forthcoming
Keep an eye open for the next installment of the smash hookah hit, Taste of Yisrael. With food, Israeli tobacco, and fun, I bet you can't wait til we have it again. Wondering how it became a smash hit? Ask Claudia.

_____Youngens and Joseph's Multi-Color Coat
On March 5th, the young folk of the local Jewish population will be performing Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat. With music and direction by Dartmouth students! Who cares if Joseph couldn't match socks or coordinate colors?!? He used color-safe bleach.


End. Fin. Fine. Wawa.

Shalom Aleichem
-Evan Michals

Jew of the Week: Wolf Blitzer, who I recently found out was Jewish. He's got the best name for field reporting in war time, and he helped out with AIPAC at one point in his career. Wolf! Blitzer!

Goy of the Week: Rembrandt, the artist. He made a big impact on art and depiction of spatial relationships.

Survey of the Week: Is Yeti kosher? Blitz "Evan07" with your response.

Jokes of the Week:
#1
Hymie is telling his friends about his recent divorce. "Yes, it's true. Sylvie divorced me for religious reasons. She worshipped money and I didn't have any."

#2
Avrahom walks into John Lewis department store and goes straight to the perfumery department. He says to an assistant, "Today is my wife Sharon's birthday and I would like to buy her a nice bottle of French perfume.
The assistant says, "That will be a nice surprise for her."
Avrahom replies, "It sure will - she's expecting a diamond necklace."

#3
Benny was talking to his best friend Harry. "You know Harry, I can't understand why you failed in business. You had such good ideas."
"Too much advertising was the main reason for my failure," replied Harry.
"But I can't remember you spending a penny on advertising all your life," said Benny.
"You're correct there," said Harry, "but all my competitors did."

----------------------Jewsletter
Tuesday, January 25, 2005

So EBA's pasta might not be the best of foods to eat. But their mozzarella sticks were awesome, and put a little ranch on the bread sticks, and you get instant heaven. Or at least instant mouth heaven.
There are many ways to get instant mouth heaven, and not surprisingly, none involve brussel sprouts or cow dung. But many do involve ice cream, chocolate, cheese, and cider, though not necessarily mixed together. Read on for more!


Jews/Java:::::Wednesday from 1 to 4 pm
Come to the Dartmouth Bookstore for hot chocolate or coffee, FREE and Jewish. FREE CAFFEINE for midterms!


Movie Night:::::Wednesday night at 7
We're watching Keeping the Faith, eating some snacks, and being Jewish, just like Ben Stiller in Meet the Fockers. Actually, more like Ben Stiller in Keeping the Faith. Edward Norton too! Woo dog!


Shabbat 101: Learner's service:::::This Friday, January 28th at 6
If you want to learn how Friday night services work, come this Friday and learn in a relaxed atmosphere. It's fun, it's Friday, and it's cool yo. Come all ye inexperienced.


Bagel Brunch:::::This Sunday at 11 am
It's bagels, it's schmear, and it's all for you. This week it's pushed two hours ahead for the food outing departure, so come early to the Roth Center, eat some bagels, then leave for some ice cream. And what's best, you can sleep on the bus after waking up from the night before to eat some bagels! Hot dog!


Food Outing:::::12 to 6 this Sunday, January 30th
What better way to enjoy Vermont than to eat cow byproducts! We're going to eat ice cream (Ben and Jerry's), cheese (Cabot), chocolate (not made by cows), and cider (cows questionably aid in the production), all at different food factories/stores. Look in your HBs for your invitations, and RSVP to Hillel if you wanna go.


Royce Clifford::::: Tuesday, February 1
After the weekly meeting, Commander Royce Clifford of the United States Navy, who served in Iraq [Fallujah and Bagdad, for example] will be coming to speak. Should be very interesting. And she knows the Rabbi! Personally!


Joint UVJC Shabbat Service:::::Friday, February 4th
It's a joint service, but not the kind you find in frats. Come and enjoy the local Jewish youth group's cooking and a service 4 Dartmouth and Hanover students.


Hotel Rwanda Inspiration:::::February 24th
Paul Rusesabagina-the inspiration for the movie Hotel Rwanda-will be coming to Dartmouth to speak the day after the film is shown at the Hop on February 24th. He saved 1200 Rwandans during the country's genocide.


Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad:::::February 23rd
They're funny, they can sing, and their performing to break the stereotypes. Entertain your Jewish side.


Now that you know how to make pudding with rice and egg fondue, it's on to the desserts! And remember kids, stop, drop, and roll. Or eat, chew, and swallow, depending on context and whether there is an immediate threat of fire. And eat that ice cream!


Shalom Aleichem
-Evan 'Easy E' Michals


Jew of the Week: Andy Rand, for devoting so much time in the Special Olympics and being an all-around cool guy. Go Andy Go!


Goy of the Week: The stars of Break, who performed an awesome show tonight to a nearly sold-out crowd. Oh, yeah!


Survey of the Week: [Blitz Evan07 with your response]. Is EBA's pasta good, and if so, is it better than EBA's pizza? If not, did you have digestive problems with the pasta?


Joke of the Week:
A Rabbi dies and is waiting in line to enter heaven. In front of him is a guy dressed in a loud shirt, leather jacket, jeans and sunglasses.
Gabriel addresses this guy, "I need to know who you are so that I can determine whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Moishe Levy, taxi driver, of London."
Gabriel consults his list, smiles and says to the taxi driver, "OK. Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Now it's the Rabbi's turn. He stands upright and says, "I am Benjamin Himmelfarb and I had been Rabbi of Neasden for forty years."
Gabriel looks at his list and says to the Rabbi, "OK. Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Hold on a minute," says Rabbi Himmelfarb, "that man before me was a taxi driver - why did he get a silken robe and golden staff?"
"Up here, we only work by results," says Gabriel. "While you preached, people slept - but while he drove, people prayed."
 

__Jewsletter__
Tuesday, January 18, 2005


Man, this is a long Jewsletter, and I have a test tomorrow. I apologize if this intro is not that funny. In case it isn't, try to picture a squirrel water skiing, or a dog skate boarding. That should be funny. Or a walrus eating a burrito.


:::::Food Outing Trip
:On Sunday, January 30th, from 12-6 PM, we'll be chartering a bus and traveling to the Ben & Jerry's factory in Vermont, then going to the Cabot Cheese and Lake Champlain Chocolate stores, followed by the Cold Hollow Cider Mill. There will be free samples of food everywhere, and we can buy all the goodness we want. I can taste the chocolate cheese ice cream cider right now, and it is delish. Blitz an RSVP to Hillel if you want to go.


:::::Jews / Java
:The Jews will meet, the coffee will be served, and the discussion will be had. Nothing better than getting 10 Jews in a room, having a nice discussion possibly turn into an argument, then giving them coffee [caffeine].


:::::HillelWear
:The Hillel shirts that say "Dartmouth" in phonetic Hebrew are makin' a comeback! Both of the favorite classic styles are back, gray shirt with green letters and green shirt with white letters, and you can be one of the first to bring this hot fad into the mainstream popular culture that is... Hanover.


:::::Movie Night
:This week, we'll be watching either The Birdcage, starring Robin Williams, or Keeping the Faith, starring Ben Stiller and Edward Norton. 7 PM this Wednesday at the Roth Center. Food, movies, and Jews.


:::::Bagel Brunch
:It's now a weekly event! Roll out of bed after a night of fun this Sunday, and come to the Roth Center at 1 pm for some bagels, schmear, and other Jewish hangover remedies. Your Jewish mother would be proud.


:::::Tu B'Shevat Seder
:Celebrate one of the more hippie of Jewish holidays. At 6.30 PM next Monday, January 24, at the Roth Center, come for a night of food, fun, drinking, and celebration in honor of trees and other plants. It's gonna be one rockin' party, and it's celebrated with the Dartmouth Greens! And we'll be eating more than just Collis food!


:::::TOY
:Next Monday night, hookahs galore, Israeli food and more, at Panarchy at 9 PM, fun is in store.


:::::Shabbat Services 101
:Friday, January 28 at 6 PM, come to the Roth Center for Friday night services and learn how they are done. Never been to services before? Great. Bring friends, bring anyone inexperienced, and come learn how Friday night services are just the coolest. Cooler than a toad on a flagpole in winter, and toads on flagpoles can get pretty cold. Especially with wind chill. If you would like to lead Adon O'lam or any other prayer with your favorite tune, maybe even with your friends, blitz Hillel.


:::::Jewish Naval Commander
:Tuesday, February 1, after the weekly meeting, Commander Royce Clifford of the United States Navy, who served in Iraq [Fallujah and Bagdad, for example] will be coming to speak. Should be very interesting. The talk is not intended to be political, only informational.

However, I will be political. We need an exit strategy, we need jobs, we need education, we need food. And that's just students, before they graduate.
Yeah, wasn't funny. How about gofers playing waterpolo? Funny?


:::::Purim Ball
:Want to plan one of the hottest Jewish dance parties on the face of the earth? Last year's rivaled the party Abraham threw after he circumcised himself, and this year we're looking to top the kegger Moses threw once the king let his people [us] go. Well, there won't be any kegs, but there will be an open bar, dj, dancing, and hot girls [or guys, depending on what you like].
:We need people to plan it. Blitz Hillel if you'd like to help out in any aspect of the ball's creation.

Platypuses eating walnuts, struggling to break open the shells. Funny, right?


:::::Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad
:All-female comedy group coming to Dartmouth. They make fun of stereotypes, perform comedy and other entertainment, and they are like buttah.


:::::Hotel Rwanda Inspiration Visits
:February 24th, Paul Rusesabagina will be coming to speak. He is the man who saved 1200 Rwandans during the genocide in the country, and is the inspiration for the movie Hotel Rwanda, which will be playing at the Hop the night before. See the movie, meet the man. Awesome.


This Jewsletter is really long. Man, there is a lot of stuff to keep track of. Go to our website, www.dartmouth.edu/~hillel and find the calendar in the "events" section. It'll help you keep track of it all. Good luck staying warm. Peace, and vaya con Dios.

Shalom Aleichem.
Evan Easy E Michals

Jew of the Week: Jeremy Warburg for running his first meeting. Well done, chap!

Goy of the Week: My mom. She raised me well. My Dad thus filled the role of Jewish mother.

Joke of the Week:
A police officer pulls Isaac over for speeding.

Officer: May I see your driver's license please?
Isaac: I don't now have one. I had it confiscated for speeding.
Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Isaac: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Isaac: Yes - but come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Isaac: Yes. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?
Isaac: Yes.

Hearing all of this, the officer immediately calls for back up. Soon, Isaac's car is surrounded by police and to handle the tense situation, a police inspector approaches Isaac.

Inspector: Sir, can I see your license?
Isaac: Sure. Here it is. [It was valid].
Inspector: Who's car is this?
Isaac: It's mine, inspector. Here's the registration papers to prove it. [Also valid].
Inspector: Could you open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Isaac: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. [Sure enough, there wasn't].
Inspector: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Isaac: No problem. [Trunk is opened - no body].
Inspector: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Isaac: Really? I'll bet the lying scoundrel told you I was speeding as well.

The Jewsletter
Weekly Update for Dartmouth Hillel and Associates
January 11, 2005
Evan Michals

MEMORANDUM:
The following document ("Jewsletter") shall hereby forthwith refer to future endeavors pursued by the respective parties involved ("Jews"), as organized by the owner of said publication ("Hillel Associates of Dartmouth College"). Under no circumstances should Hillel, Dartmouth, or Brazilian street children be held responsible for any adverse effects from reading this Jewsletter. If you become nauseous, light-headed, or develop a rash in places covered by clothing, contact Dick's House immediately. Discontinue use.

EVENTS:

JEWS/JAVA
Every Wednesday, come to the Dartmouth Bookstore, which is really an undercover Barnes & Noble, from 1 - 4 pm, and enjoy a Hillel-sponsored cup of Starbucks. Yiiiiippppie!


WEEKLY BAGELS:
Every Sunday at the Roth Center at 1 pm, come enjoy bagels, schmear, and fellow Jewry. It was so successful last weekend that it's now weekly. Hot Dog!


MOVIE NIGHTS:
This week we will enjoy the sarcastic humor, the intelligent mockery, the manly macho-ism that is... the HEBREW HAMMER. Such a funny flick, you do not want to miss it. He's a Jewish version of Shaft, from the Chood, and he needs to save Chanukah from Santa's evil son. Come to the Roth Center at 7 Wednesday and watch it. Snacks provided. You are GUARANTEED TO LAUGH, or your money back. But if you do want the refund, we don't want the snacks you ate back.
Do you have suggestions for future movies? Blitz Jeremy Warburg.


FRIDAY NIGHT COOK:
If you would like to cook on a Friday night for the post-services dinner, blitz our new cooking co-coordinator, Victoria Fener. The menu is totally up to the cooks, they have free reign of the kitchen, Hillel takes care of the expenses for ingredients, they don't have to clean up, and many more benefits [sorry, no dental]. It's fun, it's kosher, and it's cooking. If you are a Culinary Ninja, we need you. Culinary Samurais need not apply, only ninjas.


BELARUS 2005:
The Cross Cultural Service Project to BELARUS is back, this year from June 13th- June 25th, 2005. It's open to all students. Come to the info session Wednesday, January 12th @ 7:30 PM, Carson L02. You can also check out a previous year's project at www.dartmouth.edu/~hillel/belarus2003/
Questions, concerns, queries, blitz Ethan Levine.


WINE/CHEESE FRIDAY:
This Friday, we'll be enjoying/sampling/eating/drinking wine and cheese before services! Come be a connoisseur of cheese and wine, the Jewish way! Friday before services, around 5:30 to 6 pm.


TOY IS BACK:
This coming Monday, come to the celebration of Israel, food, and hookahs that has touched so many lives of Dartmouth Jews and company, known as Taste of Yisrael ("TOY"). Location TBA, 9:00 pm.
Also, if you want to help coordinate future TOY meetings, blitz Yardena.


HOTEL RWANDA:
The man who inspired the film will be coming to speak, thanks to Hillel! Paul Rusesabagina will be here on February 24th, the day after the film's showing at the Hop.


TU B'SHEVAT:
We're going to celebrate a seder celebration to celebrate one of the good ol' Jewish celebrations of a mid-winter holiday celebration. Come to the Roth Center on Monday night, Jan 24th. We'll celebrate. Want to help out? Blitz Brian Meyers. Want to celebrate? Show up.


RABBI's SISTER:
She served in Iraq, and will be here to speak after our weekly meeting on February 1st. Really cool.


WEEKLY HAVDALLAH:
Come join Yardena at the Roth Center and celebrate, Saturday nights roughly between 5:30 and 6 pm, depending on when the sun decides to leave. It's fun, it's Jewish, and it's good for you.


BJs AND CHEESE!
We're planning a trip to the Ben & Jerry's factory in Vermont on Sunday January 30th. After that, we'll head over to the Cabot Cheese store, full of samples galore. From roughly 12 to 6 pm, mark your calendars, va a ser un suceso muy grande, for you Mexican Jews.


HOT NEW POSITIONS:
We had elections, and the enthusiasm was so incredible, the following people are extremely lucky to be able to serve such a fine institution as this Hillel, the Hillel of Dartmouth College.
Meredith Druss and Victoria Fener - Cooking Coordinators
Dan Belkin - Vice President
Elana Bannerman - JPBC
Amie Sugarman - Hop Rep
David Rothenberg - Israeli Affairs
Alisha Levine - Multifaith Council


The newsletter herewith ("Jewsletter") shall be in no way copied, redistributed, sold, misquoted, or printed, without the express permission of Donald Trump ("bad voluminous hair"). Should he disapprove of the use of this Jewsletter, the violators of the above agreement ("sarcasm") shall be fired. By him. Personally. In his board room. On national television ("bad show").
Wait, that's a dumb idea ("mistake"). Just go to the events, have some fun, and enjoy yourself with the fine Jewish company ("cool people").

Shalom Aleichem
Evan Michals


Jews of the Week: Victoria Fener, Dan Belkin, and David Rothenberg, for stepping up to the plate and rising to the challenge of their new positions with Hillel.


Goy of the Week: Jack Bauer, for once again going against protocol, defying his superiors, and doing the craziest stunts to save the world from terrorists. Ah, good ol' 24 is back on tv. Life can resume.


Quote of the Week: "Jewish stuff is cool" - Ethan Levine. Couldn't have said it better myself.


Joke of the Week:
A young Jewish mother walks her son to the school bus on his first day of kindergarten.
"Please behave, my bubaleh," she says.
"Take good care of yourself and think about your mother who is waiting for you, tataleh!"
"And come right back home on the bus, my shepseleh."
"Remember, your Mommy loves you so much, my ketzeleh!"
At the end of the school day, the bus returns. She runs to her son and hugs him.
"So what did the love of my life learn on his first day of school?" she asks.
"I learned that my name is David," the boy responded.
 

******Jewsletter
**January 4, 2005

Welcome back y'all to the circus of life and learning we affectionately call Dartmouth. It's been a long break, and nothing quite reminds us about returning to the Dartmouth winter like mud season. Woo dog, it's warm and slippery out there. The Green is brown, the air is fresh, and there are no snowmen. On with the upcoming Hillel events!

>>Elections next week!
At next week's meeting, we'll be electing the following positions:

* Executive Vice President / VP of Programming:
. To be aware of and to direct the planning of all Hillel activities.
. To operate in the capacity of President in his/her absence. In the case of prolonged absence, the Executive Vice President may choose to retain his/her position and hold new presidential elections.
. To be familiar with the details of the Hillel budget and the Hillel calendar of events.
. To keep a detailed record of programming that will be used to aid future Programming Chairs.
. To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
. Executive Vice President is a two term position.

* Cooking Coordinator:
. To schedule student cooks for all official Hillel dinners.
. To fill in as cook if no students