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Spring 2004

Jewsletter
Tuesday, May 18, 2004

The heat has finally been turned off in most dorms, just in time for the thunderstorms to roll in and make the power go out in some campus buildings. Fortunately, the stair-masters and the stationary bikes at the gym are kinetically powered. Otherwise, many of us would have been out of luck tonight at the gym while we worked on our figures, fighting rain and humid air to be able to look good in a Speedo. Yeah.


WORLD FAMOUS SPEAKER
A Jewish history museum is being built in Israel, allowing visitors to walk through a life-size shtetl (village) full of Jewish markets and buildings, to showcase ancient Jewish culture. Come speak with the woman who is planning it. Yaffa Eliach is a pioneering scholar in Holocaust studies and creator of the Tower of Life, a stunning collection of photographs at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, DC. She is the author of two books, and is currently a professor of Judaic Studies at Brooklyn College.
She'll be here Wednesday (tomorrow), at the Roth Center. There's a free dinner at 6:00 pm, but you must RSVP for the dinner to Claudia Palmer ASAP, and space is limited. The talk follows at 7:00 pm.
The talk is entitled: "There Once Was a World: Restoring the Vanished Past."


BLOODY SUNDAY
Donate blood at the Roth Center this Sunday! It's easy, painless, and a real mitzvah. The needles are clean, too! The blood mobile is coming as part of the UVJC school's own Mitzvah Mania, and if you wanna hand over some plasma, email Sarah for an appointment (saraharonson@verizon.net) or just show up at the Roth Center, starting at 9am.


UVJC WANTS YOU... TO TEACH
The UVJC School wants you... to tutor little kids in Hebrew and Judaic Studies. Short and long term appointments available for Sundays or Tuesdays. $20/hour! Email Sarah at uvjcschool@valley.net for more info.


MORE TEACHING
Congregation Shir Shalom in Woodstock is looking for Religious School teachers, Hebrew and other studies, for next year. The kids are a barrel of fun. Really. If you are interested, blitz Freya Sachs ASAP.


KEEPING KOSHER THIS SUMMER?
Anyone interested in Kosher food during the Summer term (when the Pavilion is closed) should contact Robert Lester or Josh Gajer by blitz to make food arrangements. Yeah.


So, that wraps up another week, with but a few weeks left of the term. 07s, can you believe your freshmen year is almost over? 04s, can you believe your college experience is almost over? 05s, can you believe you'll be seniors soon? 06s, can you believe you are stuck somewhere in the middle with no significant milestones for a little while?
Have a nice day.


Shalom Aleichem
-Easy E
Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: Rabbi Edward S Boraz, for putting much effort and energy into making Hillel a strong organization and arranging for more notable guest speakers than anyone could have wished for.

Goy of the Week: Ralph Nader, for continuing to be one of the most ignorant, self-righteous politicians ever. I mean, really, if he is so against Bush, and only partially against Kerry, and knows he isn't going to win, why doesn't he drop out and give Kerry a chance of winning instead of stealing Kerry votes and giving Bush the win, since to him a Kerry's better than a Bush? He's not thinking realistically.

Joke of the Week:
Benjy goes to see his doctor because he isn't feeling too well. After examining him, the doctor takes some blood samples from Benjy and asks him to come back the following week for the results.
When Benjy returns, his doctor tells him, "I have some good news and some bad news for you, Benjy. What do you want to hear first?"
Benjy replies, "Let me have the good news first."
"OK," says the doctor, "they're going to name the disease after you."

<<Jewsletter
<<Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Hungry?

FREE (kosher and hallal!) FOOD
This Thursday, May 13, there will be a BBQ at the Roth Center with Al-Nur at 4pm. Come for fun, food, and festivities. And the food is free. (and the pavillion will be closed for dinner, so if you want kosher meat, this be it, baby)

MORE FREE FOOD... AND PRAYER
Services this week will be, as usual, Friday at 7pm, followed by a free, home-cooked dinner at 8. Not only is there free food, but you get a chance to pray as a group too, also for free.

EVEN MORE FREE FOOD... AND A WORLD-FAMOUS SPEAKER
Next Wednesday, May 19th, Yaffe Eliach will be speaking at the Roth Center. There will be a free dinner provided at 6:00 pm, followed by her lecture at 7:00.
Yaffe is from the University of Tel Aviv, has written a book we have in our library entitled "There Once Was World: A 900 year chronicle of the Shtetl of Eishyshok," and yes, she knows a lot about shtetl. Big shtetl speaker, and free food. What more could a college Jew want?


HOT NEW POSITIONS... AFTER WE ATE FREE FOOD
We just had another round of elections, and elected new and old members to the Hillel board. Everyone won by more than one vote, so don't worry:
For the summer term:
Prez: Aaron Sallen
Exec VP: Alex Gelman
Religion VP: [open for election at beginning of summer term]
Membership Summer/Fall: Libby Sherman
Green Key 06: Aaron Sallen

...and for next fall:
Fall/Winter Prez: Alex Gelman
Exec VP: Michelle Schwartz
Religion VP: Brian Meyers
Membership Summer/Fall: Libby Sherman


So, hopefully you'll bring your appetite to all the events we've got lined up. There's even an ice cream social coming up next week. Gotta love the free food.

Shalom Aleichem
-Evan "Easy E"Michals


Jews of the Week: Jessica Hodin and Michelle Schwartz, for going way out of their way to plan a huge Boston trip, and executing it flawlessly to give 17 (or 16, depending on who you ask) an awesome time last Sunday.
Honorable Mention: Chase Hogle, for getting down and dirty during Sunday's softball game, and successfully "passing" a pop-fly to Kwabena [see below].

Goy of the Week: Kwabena Badu-Nkansah, who, in the softball game against Harvard Hillel, intercepted a catch from his own teammate, Chase Hogle, to get the out.

Joke of the Week:
Sadie takes her 16-year-old daughter to see Doctor Myers. The doctor says, "Okay, what's the problem?"
Sadie says, "It's my daughter, Sarah. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Sarah a good examination, then turns to Sadie and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Sarah is pregnant - about 4 months would be my guess."
Sadie says, "Pregnant? She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Sarah?"
"No mother. I've never even kissed a man."
Doctor Myers walked over to the window and just stared out of it. 5 minutes pass and finally Sadie says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
Doctor Myers replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I certainly don't want to miss it."

Jewsletter ----- 4 May 2004

First year parents just left, and soon alums will abound during Green Key. Until then, we've got some events to get through. 


AVIVAH ZORNBERG TALKS ABOUT ISAAC
Isaac: Blindness and Blessing? Dr. Avivah Zornberg, a world-renowned biblical scholar, will be here Thursday at 7:00 pm (at the Roth Center) to discuss Isaac. She holds a Ph.D. in English Literature from Cambridge University, has taught Torah classes in Jerusalem, and has lectured in the United States, Canada, and Great Britain. The author of two books, she also appeared on Bill Moyers' PBS program, "Genesis: A Living Conversation." Quite the guest speaker!
Again, that's THURSDAY, MAY 6TH - 7:00 PM - ROTH CENTER - World Famous Biblical Scholar. Be there.


LEARNER'S SERVICE
Do you have friends who have never been to our Friday night service? Are you nervous about going to services because you don't know how it works? Then this is the service for you, your friends, and those people you vaguely know and wonder whether to say hi to! Come to the Roth Center this Friday for a 7:00 service that'll teach you everything about the Shabbat services!
Bring your Jews, your non Jews, your undecideds, and anyone you meet while playing hackey-sack in town!


BOSTON TRIPPIN'
Exploring the city, shopping, eating at Faneuil hall, playing Harvard Hillel in softball and BBQing with them later... sound like a dream? No, it's this Sunday, and it's all FREE! We'll take a chartered bus to Boston Sunday morning at 9:45 am, and get back around 10:30 that night. It is imperative that you RSVP to Michelle Schwartz by noon tomorrow (Wednesday).
Again, for the FREE trip to Boston, RSVP ASAP to Michelle Schwartz by noon Wednesday.


ELECTIONS 
Tired of elections on campus? We aren't! Next Tuesday's meeting will include elections for the Hillel board positions during the summer term at Hillel. You wanna run? You wanna vote? You wanna free dinner? Come to next week's meeting. 

And we promise there won't be any chalk on the ground, any cookies baked, any posters completely covering the walls, any fliers handed out, and any time-intensive websites including videos and flash games. But you can check out the Hillel website should you want to keep up with... Hillel... check it at www.dartmouth.edu/~hillel. There. I said it. A plug for the site I designed. Any suggestions?

That wraps up another week. Kill Bill 2 is a good movie. Chicken tastes good with a salad dressing marinade. Denzel Washington is a good actor, but not many liked Man on Fire. And Avivah Zornberg is a WORLD FAMOUS BIBLICAL SCHOLAR, so go to her talk on Thursday!

Shalom Aleichem
-Evan "Easy E" Michals


Jew of the Week: David Bluthenthal, who was Rookie of the Year in Israel. Extra point for those of you who know what sport he plays.

Goy of the Week: From the NY Times quote of the day on Sunday:
"We need to be honest with ourselves: Our candidate is not one who's good with a 30-second sound bite. He is very thoughtful and it takes him a while to say things."
- REP. HAROLD FORD Jr. of Tennessee, co-chairman of John Kerry's campaign.

Joke of the Week:
Shlomo and Ruth were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their long lasting and happy marriage was the talk of the Edgware community. So it was no surprise when a Jewish Chronicle reporter came to see Shlomo to ask him the secret of their successful marriage. 
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained Shlomo. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon on mules. We hadn't gone very far when Ruth's mule stumbled. She looked at the mule and quietly said 'That's once.' 
"We had only proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more Ruth looked him in the eyes and quietly said, 'That's twice.' 
"We hadn't gone more than a half-mile more when the mule stumbled a third time. This time, Ruth promptly removed a revolver from her rucksack and shot the mule dead. 
"I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when Ruth looked at me and quietly said, 'That's once'."

->Jewsletter<-
->Tuesday, April 27, 2004<-

Ah... The midterms have come to remind us of the dark side of life, the worm in the apple, the needle in the haystack, the rotten egg in the dozen, the diamond in the rough... wait a minute.... Yeah, so about the following week... Some good stuff coming up. Food, fun, and Torah, fo' shizzle.


INDEPENDENCE DAY, SANS WILL SMITH
Yesterda, Tuesday, was Yom Haatzmaut- Israeli Independence Day. Naturally, we're celebrating it today... due to scheduling conflicts... Hey. Israel changed it at the last minute too... Come to Collis 101 today (Wednesday) April 28th, from 7pm -8:30pm for some falafel and shwarma, as well as some other Israeli foods and music. A representative from AIPAC will be there too! 
...And we promise this Independence Day won't have giant alien spaceships destroying the Whitehouse thereby prompting the president to give a heart warming cheesy speech before flying off into the sunset in a fighter jet to destroy the spaceship before mankind is eliminated, all while Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum pilot an alien craft from Area 51 to the mother ship in outer space to detonate and outrun a nuclear explosion. No fireworks either.


TEACHING WOODSTOCK
Congregation Shir Shalom in Woodstock is looking for Religious School teachers to teach Hebrew and other studies for next year. The kids are a lot of fun to work with. Really. If you or anyone you know is interested, blitz Freya Sachs ASAP.


THE AKEDAH UNCENSORED
Dr. Aviva Zornberg is coming to discuss the Akedah---Abraham's sacrificial Isaac story. Dr. Zornberg will be at the Roth Center on Thursday May 6th at 7:00pm as part of the Great Speakers Series, and it will be quite the examination of the classic Torah tale. Bring your friends, Jewish or not. If you or anyone you know would like to come, then come. Blitz Rabbi with questions.


LEARNING THE SERVICE
A week from this Friday, making the date be Friday May 7th, learners can come to our service to learn the service. In other words, anyone who wants to find out what our Friday night services are all about should come. Bring your Jewish friends who never come to service, or bring your non-Jewish friends who never come to service. We also need volunteers to help lead the service; if you or anyone you know would like to volunteer, blitz Michelle Schwartz.


TREMBLING NEXT TUESDAY
Next Tuesday's weekly Hillel meeting will include a screening of the critically acclaimed film "Trembling Before God," about Orthodox Jews' views of homosexuality. Good food, good flick, good times. So be at the Roth Center next Tuesday at 6. Yeah.


BOSTON TEA PARTY, WITHOUT THE TEA, BUT WITH BBQ
Want to take a bus to Boston, where you will enjoy a Faneuil Hall lunch, shop, explore the city, play Harvard Hillel in softball, and barbecue with them after the game? Sounds awesome, don't it? Watch out for invites in your Hinman Boxes soon... If you or anyone you know wants to go, Blitz Michelle Schwartz to RSVP ASAP.
And the Hall where we will eat is Faneuil Hall, not Thaniel Hall, not Fanueil Hall. I know there has been much confusion in the past over this, but thanks to those who hail to "peck it," (as in peck: v. intr: "To criticize repeatedly; carp.") the misconfusion was deincorrected. Kudos if you understand the meaning of the previous sentence.

...Right. Onward forthwith to another week. And onward forthwith we go.


Shalom Aleichem

Easy E
Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: The guy who invented the bagel, who we honored Sunday with a great bagel brunch. "Legend has it that in 1683 in Vienna, Austria, a local Jewish baker wanted to thank the king of Poland for protecting his countrymen from Turkish invaders. He made a special hard roll in the shape of a riding stirrup-Bugel in German - commemorating the king's favorite pastime and giving the bagel its distinct shape." Read more bagel history at http://www.kitchenproject.com/history/bagels/bagels.htm

Goy of the Week: Dawn Brown of Barneys, who made the NY Times quote of the day today for noticing the horrible trend in overpriced jeans: "I'm the kind of person who wore a pair of jeans to death and then got a new pair. You can't think like that anymore."

Joke of the Week:
Abe came home one day and found his wife Esther in tears. 
"Darling, what's the matter?" 
"Oh Abe," cried Esther, "Doctor Cohen says I have tuberculosis." 
"What! A big healthy woman like you has tuberculosis? Ridiculous," said Abe, "I'll call Doctor Cohen and get this sorted out right now." 
So Abe called his doctor. "Doctor, Esther says you told her she has tuberculosis." 
The doctor said something to Abe and with that, Abe began laughing. 
"So what's so funny about my having such a dreadful disease?" asked Esther. 
"Esther, Doctor Cohen didn't say 'tuberculosis', he said 'too big a tochus'"

::::::::::Jewsletter:::::::
::::::April 20, 2004::::

So begins another week. So begins a round of midterms. So begins a new Jewsletter. So begins good, warm weather. So begins great speakers, great trips, and sweet events. So begins every sentence thus far with "so begins".

(TAL)MUD WRESTLING
Wednesdays, members of the Upper Valley Jewish Community meet in the Rabbi's office to discuss Talmud at 12:00 pm. They wrestle with Jewish perspectives on leadership. Come learn and discuss.

FROM THE HOLY LAND TO NEW HAMPSHIRE
Wednesday night, April 21st, at 6:30, there will be a dinner with Israeli students from Israel. Three Israeli students will be present, making the total number of Israeli students three. They will talk about Israel, schooling, military service, and answer your questions. The visit is sponsored by the Manchester Federation. Dinner will be provided from Semolina's, and the even will take place in the Faculty Lounge of the HOP. RSVP to Claudia Palmer so we can order food.

VOT'S THAT YOU SAY?
Yiddish class. Thursday. Roth Center. 4:30. Get your tuchis over to the Roth Center and learn one of the world's more refined languages.

PROSPECTIVE SERVICE
April 23rd, Friday Night, at 7 pm, prospective Dartmouth students will be at a service designed just for them! Come show your support for Dartmouth to the newbies. And a good turnout would be just super to give the newbies a good impression of the big D. 

DINNER AND A SPEAKER
During/after dinner Friday night (circa 8:00 pm), Dr. Guinter Kahn is coming to speak about the role of Nazi Doctors during the Holocaust. Why did they do what they did? What did they do? Should be a great talk. And there's food.

Dinner, by the way, will be top-notch Friday night. A definite culinary success is in the works....

DON'T YANK MY SOX, WITH BAGELS
Sunday, 1 pm at the Roth Center, there will be a bagel brunch while the showdown between the Red Sox and the Yankees (*cough* evil empire *cough*) will be shown. Should be an awesome event. What better way to honor Sandy Koufax than to have some bagels with some schmear and watch the Sox and Yankees butt heads? Not that he played for either team. Not that he necessarily liked schmear. He would still be proud if you showed up for this one.
Besides, 1 pm is late enough for you to recover from all the ping pong and card games Saturday night, but early enough to still have time for ping pong Sunday afternoon. 

FROSH, BOSTON, AND SOFTBALL. WHOOP.
On Sunday, May 9th, at 9:45 in the morning, a group of stoic individuals will set forth on a journey toward the little city of Boston in order to explore, learn, and kill Harvard Hillel in softball.... We'll return to campus at 10:30 pm. Itinerary for the trip includes Thaniel Hall, lunch, shopping and exploring, going to Harvard, playing a softball game, and wrapping up with a barbecue with Harvard Hillel. Then we return to the D well-fed, well-exercised, and psyched after our softball win. To win, we'll have to grab life by the ball..... Yeah, great trip. Blitz Michelle D. Schwartz to RSVP, to ask questions, or just to chat about life, liberty, and the pursuit of schmear for your bagels.

Some great events, some great finals, some great schmear, some great speakers, some great trips, some great Yiddish, and some great uses of the words "some great".

Shalom Aleichem

Easy E
Evan Michals

Jew of the Week: Academy Award Winning Documentary Director Aviva Slesin for speaking at the Roth Center about her film "Secret Lives." Excellent learning experience, and a good observance of Yom Hashoah.

Goy of the Week: A-rod, for admitting defeat in the NY Times quote of the day today:
"Is that what it was, O for 16? It felt like 0 for 50." - ALEX RODRIGUEZ, after a lost weekend in Boston. 
He was actually 1 for 17, but whatever. Step one is admitting you're an evil empire. Step two is fixing the problem...

Honorable Mention Goy: Tracy Morgan, for using more vulgar jokes and bad words than I had ever thought was possible in a performance. Really. He didn't make one joke that wasn't rated R.... Still funny, though.


Joke of the Week: Bee Inconspicuous
Two bees ran into each other. The first bee asked the other how things were going. 
"Really bad," said the second bee. "The weather has been really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I can't make any honey." 
"No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fruit." 
"Thanks for the tip," said the second bee, and he flew away. 
A few hours later, the two bees ran into each other again. The first bee asked, "How'd it go?"
"Great!" said the second bee. "It was everything you said it would be." 
"Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee. 
"That's my yarmulke," said the second bee. "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."

Jewsletter
April 13, 2004

Ah, we can eat leavened bread once more... After all the Matzo balls, gefilte fish, and Manischewitz, it's time to sit back, take a deep breath, and read this week's Jewsletter!

ONE WEEK, TWO SERVICES!
This Friday there will be two services at 7 pm at the Roth Center: a Reform service in the library, and a Conservative service in the sanctuary.

WE NEED A COOK THIS FRIDAY
If you would like to cook the awesome Friday night meal this Friday, blitz Hillel. It's a lot of fun, and you pick what we eat!

YOU WANT YOU SHOULD SPEAK YIDDISH?
Yiddish class this Thursday 4:30. Open to all students, Jewish or not. We vant you should bring friends.

ROY CARLIN STOPPED BY
He talked to us about his successful litigation of a class action lawsuit for Holocaust survivors. It was grand.

THIS SUNDAY, HOLOCAUST REMEMBRANCE SERVICE AND FILM
Sunday, at the Roth Center, there will be a Yom Hashoah (Holocaust Remembrance) Service at 6:30 p.m. After the service, "Secret Lives," a documentary film about children who hid during World War II, will be shown at 8:00 p.m. The director of the film, Aviva Slesin (who won an Academy Award for a previous film), will be there to talk with everyone. All should go to this event.

FIGHTING CANCER ONE RELAY AT A TIME
Hillel is putting together a Relay for Life team to participate in Dartmouth's Relay at the end of May. If you want to be on the team, blitz Hillel or Joshua Gajer.

SOFTBALL, BUT WE PLAY HARDBALL
We are currently putting together a softball team to kick Harvard's butt. Blitz Hillel if you want to be on the team. And if you don't want to play, we could use a good manager.

BOSTON TRIPPING
Freshmen planning a trip? You betcha. May 9th, we'll be taking an awesome trip to Boston. I hear they have good food there, and their baseball team isn't that bad. If you want to start getting more attention than you do now, wear a Yankees cap on the trip. Everyone will look at you.

...And it looks like that's it for this week. We have some awesome events coming up, and y'all should attend them, y'hear? Peace out.

Shalom Aleichem

Easy E
Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: Josh Gajer, for taking the reins with the Relay for Life and being so dedicated to working at the Pavilion. Awesome dude.

Goys of the Week: Donald Trump, the producers of The Apprentice, and the most recently fired contestant, Jessie Conners. They all are fighting over getting legal trademarks for the phrase "You're Fired" (both with and without exclamation marks) and "The Apprentice," for use in clothing lines, household products, and a book. Each wants a slice of the reality TV pie to sell stuff. Go America.

Joke of the Week: 
Moishe went to shul regularly but one Sabbath forgot his tallit and had to borrow one from the "visitors' spares". It was an expensive looking tallit and he was certainly not embarrassed to wear it. At the end of the service, he didn't really want to hand back this excellent tallit and without thinking, stuffed it down his trousers. 
As he was walking past the bimah on his way out, the Rabbi stopped him and whispered, "Moishe, I saw you put the shul tallit down your trousers. I don't want to know why you did this, but may I suggest you remove it from your trousers now and give it to me." 
Moishe was so deeply embarrassed that as he was bending over trying to pull the tallit out of his trouser leg, where it had slipped, he accidentally let out a loud flatulence. The Rabbi, shocked, said, "Moishe, you took the shofar as well?"

Jewsletter
March 30, 2004

Dartmouth has welcomed us back with the soft songs of the songbirds, the cloudless skies, the fifty degree weather that relative to the winter feels nearly Californian, and of course, the mud-soaked green that on hot days smells really funky. What better way to celebrate in the freshness of spring than to... elect members of the board at Hillel!


HOT NEW POSITIONS
Treasurer: Brian Meyers 07
Community Service Chair: Josh Gajer 06
House Manager: Jake Anderson 07
Representative to SA: Arielle Ring 07
Israel Affairs: Dan Knecht 05
Cooking Coordinators: Mike Rosenzweig 06, Shannah Feldman 05
Representative to the JPBC: Elana Bannerman 05
...and in case the writing style sounded different, you were wrong. Again, 
Communications Chair: Evan Michals 07


KNITTING IS FOR EVERYONE
Are you interested in knitting? If not, you should be. Since Elana's knitting skills are in high demand, we need to know exactly who is interested in getting together with fellow Jews and knitting various items. There is no specific time or date set, so if you are interested in knitting, blitz Elana Bannerman and RSVP with what meeting times would work for you. 


2 RABBIS, ONE ROTH CENTER...
Rabbi Michael Cohen from the Arava Institute is speaking about environmental concerns and Israel, including possible trips to the environmental institute in the Negev. He will be here (at the Roth Center) Wednesday night at 6pm, and dinner will be served. RSVP to Claudia by noon Wednesday if you would like to attend. 
Critics are calling the dinner, "free and delicious!!!" - Rabbi Boraz


THE SEDER HATH COMETH
Passover is much more than remembering the Angel of Death, or the plagues, or even the parting of the sea... It's also about finding the afikomen, and getting a silver dollar from daddy. Oh, how it was shiny, that silver dollar. I just had to be sure I found the afikomen before my dog did. Because then no one got the silver dollar.
If you wanna attend the Seder at Hillel, RSVP to Claudia Palmer. It will take place at 7pm on Monday so show up at 6:30 for a good seat. All are welcome. Really. All. Welcome.


THE SEDER THAT HATH COMETH HATH COMETH AGAIN
There will be a Seder on Tuesday as well, run by the UVJC (the Jews of the upper valley area). RSVP to Rebecca Bliss if thou desirest to attend. Students are welcome.


The puddles are evaporating, the mud is beginning to harden, and the first Jewsletter of the new term has come to a close. There's now more of a threat of global terrorism, our government is being heavily criticized by itself, the concept of marriage is being rewritten, and many states fear droughts due to lack of snow. What a great term this will be. At least it's warm, and if you don't have Spanish at 7:45 in the morning, kudos to you.

Shalom Aleichem

Evan "Easy E" Michals


Jew of the Week: Rachel Bender, for an excellently run first meeting, like she was meant to run Hillel meetings or something.

Goy of the Week: Richard Clarke, former counterterrorism chief of the white house, for having the guts to say, "Your government failed you. Those entrusted with protecting you failed you. And I failed you." It made the NY Times quote of the day on March 25th. He's causing quite the stir, keeping Bush04 on his toes.

Random Factoid of the Week: There exists a prison, called Otisville, made to accommodate Orthodox Jews' specific needs. Some Orthodox Jews in the past had made legal arguments that their First Amendment rights were violated because their religious lifestyle was hindered by prison. So a prison was built for them in New York. They don't get athletics or vocational training, but the kitchen is Kosher, they have weekly Shabbat observances, and annually during Passover, the Jewish convicts go to Otisville (via airplane) to have a Seder. Ironic anyone?

Joke of the Week:
Rabbi Bloom caught two of his rabbinical students gambling and drinking on Sabbath. The next day, Rabbi Bloom called them into his office and asked them what was going on. They immediately confessed to having given in to weakness and agreed that they deserved some form of punishment for their sin. 
Rabbi Bloom thought a lot about this and then came up with the answer. He bought two bags of dried peas from the delicatessen and told them, "Put these in your shoes and walk on them for a week to remind yourselves how hard life can be when you turn away from God." 
A few days later, the two students met each other in the street. One had a pronounced limp and had dark circles under his eyes; he looked very tired and weary. But the other student was the same as he had been before. 
"Hey," said the first. "How is it that you are walking so easily? Why didn't you do as the Rabbi asked and put the peas in your shoes?" 
"I did," said the other. "But I boiled them first."

Winter 2004

||JewsLetter||
||March 2, 2004||

Coming up, we have a week full of Purim, the last few days of classes, and enough Hamentashen to take down a rampaging pack of elephants... and feed them too... If you want in on some of the Hamentashing action, make sure to read on before the rampaging elephants do... And the jokes of the week are good too.

PURIM IS SATURDAY, MONDAY QUOTED AS BEING DISAPPOINTED
    This year, Purim is Saturday night, March 6. We have compiled the following top secret list of Hamentashing activities. Only tell your friends, but make sure to tell all of them. This message will self destruct in... however long it takes you to read it... or until the blitz server crashes, which happens more than you think. Really.
Activities:
    FREE HAMENTASHEN: Come pick up free hamentashen this Friday in Collis from 11-2. Get there before the ravenous elephants do.
    UVJC MEGILLAH: Come to the UVJC sponsored megillah reading, Saturday night from 6:30 - 7:30 pm. Blitz Elana Bannerman for more information.
    HAMENTASHING AND BAKING: Bake hamentashen on Sunday afternoon March 7th at the Roth Center. Volunteers can show up to help make dough at around 12 pm on Sunday, and afterward you can stay to bake the hamentashen at around 2 or 3. Of course, you can also show up at 2 or 3 and just help bake. Blitz Elana Bannerman for more info and to RSVP. Send her hamentashen haiku's you've written.
    PURIM BALL: The highly-anticipated event! This year's Purim ball will be Tuesday, March 9, from 8 to 11 pm, in the Daniel Webster Room of the Hanover Inn. It's semi-formal and costumes are encouraged. The best costume wins a prize! And no, the prize won't be a car, a pet elephant, hamentashen, lobster, a complete set of wrenches with accompanying manual, a blender, an authentic Samurai sword with practice wood block, or a free trip to Liechtenstein. That will narrow it down for you. Blitz comments, questions, or guesses of what the prize is to Michelle Schwartz.


And yes, you get to eat some of the hamentashen.


CINEMATIC CHRIST
    Mel made the movie, Hillel and others went to see it, and now Dr. Christian Wiese, a visiting professor on Jewish and Christian relations, will bring his class to the Roth Center tomorrow night at 5:30 p.m. to engage in a discussion/dinner with Hillel students about the film. If you have seen the film and would like to participate in this fascinating discussion, please blitz Claudia or Rabbi tomorrow by 2:00 p.m. so food orders can be made.
Was the film anti-Semitic? Was it not? Is it interesting that the movie's star, Jim Caviezel, has the SAME INITIALS as the big JC himself, Jesus Christ?


Sadly, there will be no knitting circle this week. But you can still work by yourself, it just won't be as fun. But the circle will be back in the near future, so don't worry too hard. 

    As the term comes to a close, we are reminded of the numerous days in the past when we could have done the assignments that we have to do now. Procrastination, although very liberating, is one of the leading causes of sleep-deprivation, stress, body odor, being late to class, and indigestion. Fortunately, to combat the ill-effects of procrastination, modern science has invented napping, deodorant, and coffee. And many procrastinators pray too. Sure, God probably won't help you and wants you to learn from your mistakes, but it makes you feel better.
    Good luck on your finals, your papers, your labs, and keeping your DBA above zero. I have already failed the latter, and I fear failing the others. If it is any consolation, you can eat a lot of hamentashen and have a great time this week instead of working. Yay procrastination. Just have the coffee ready.

Shalom Aleichem

Easy E
Evan Michals


Jew of the week: Aaron Sallen, for showing us all how to toss one's caesar salad on the floor. And he's an active member of Hillel and a guy worth knowing. One of an elite secret society of red-headed Jews.


Goy of the Week: Bob Dole, who made the NY Times quote of the day today for saying, "I'm not in the game, but I'm in the bleachers." He's now a political analyst on television. Go Bob.


Third Joke of the Week:
It was a terrible evening in Golders Green. The wind was blowing hard, it was snowing and it was very, very cold. The streets were almost deserted and 'Bagels Bakery' was just about to shut when Sidney entered. He looked absolutely frozen. He was wearing two jumpers, a thick scarf and an even thicker coat. His umbrella had blown inside out and he looked thoroughly miserable. 
As he unbuttoned his coat, he said to the baker, "Two bagels, please." 
The baker looked surprised. "Only two? Don't you want anything else?" 
"No. I only want two," Sidney replied. "One for Esther and one for me." 
"Is Esther your wife?" asked the baker. 
"Don't ask silly questions," replied Sidney, "Of course she is. Do you think my mother would send me out on a night like this?"


Second Joke of the Week:
When Louis was younger, he just hated going to Jewish weddings. All of his uncles and aunts used to come up to him, poke him in the ribs, giggle, and say to him, "You're next, Louis." 
But they stopped doing that after Louis started doing the same thing to them at funerals.


First Joke of the Week:
Who are the five most constipated men in the Old Testament? 
1) Cain, because he wasn't Abel. 
2) Moses, because he went up onto the mountain and took two tablets. 
3) King David, because he sat on the throne for forty years. 
4) Solomon, because neither heaven nor Earth could move him. 
5) Noah, because he was at sea for forty days and forty nights and all he passed was water.

<< JewsLetter
<< Tuesday February 24, 2004

Tonight we had an excellent presentation on Zionism by Meir Kohn, the famous economics professor who served in the Israeli military. Guest lecture, a great turnout, and fun was had by all. On to the future events, including PURIM! And yes, you get to eat some of the hamentashen.


MEL GIBSON LOOKS TO JESUS FOR INSPIRATION
Mel Gibson's new movie "The Passion of the Christ" aims to be controversial, graphic, and surely will make Jesus a household name. Hillel will be purchasing a bunch of tickets for the Monday night showing (6:30pm) at the Nugget. After the viewing, we will discuss the movie and enjoy light refreshments. All expenses paid by Hillel. If you want to see the movie with the group on Monday, blitz Claudia Palmer NO LATER than FRIDAY. We need to know how many tickets to buy. 
[Film not intended for minors, so don't bring your little brother.]


EXPLAINING THE MASS
Aquinas House will be having Mass explained at AQ this Thursday the 26 at 10pm, with food afterwards. Curious about Mass? Similar to our learner's service, come learn about Aquinas' Mass. They really enjoyed Shabbat explained so they want to return the favor.


FRIDAY'S COOKING
Elana needs help cooking dinner this Friday night for the wonderful, world-renowned Hillel Friday night dinner. Not a huge time commitment. Blitz Elana Bannerman if you want to help. You can also blitz her recipes, poetry, and family knitting secrets your mother taught you.


PURIM COMING, ESTHER NERVOUS, HAMAN UNHAPPY
This year, Purim is Sunday March 6. There will be 2 events to celebrate this festive Jewish holiday, in addition to the Purim Ball. 
Friday March 5: We are ordering ready-made hamentashen to be given away at a table in Collis. Volunteers are needed to set up the table at 10:45am and man the table from 11-2 pm (in shifts). Please blitz Elana Bannerman if you can volunteer during any time slots. And yes, you get to eat some of the hamentashen.
Sunday March 7th: We are going to be baking hamentashen to be taken home by whoever cooks them. However, we need to make the dough beforehand because it needs to sit for about an hour before being used. Therefore, we are looking for volunteers to help make dough at around 12 pm on Sunday March 7, and afterward you can stay to bake the hamentashen at around 2 or 3. Of course, you can also show up at 2 or 3 and just help bake. Blitz Elana Bannerman if interested. And yes, you get to eat some of the hamentashen.
And of course if you can't volunteer to help out, please feel free to participate! And yes, you get to eat some of the hamentashen.
Blitz Elana Bannerman fo' mo' info.


PURIM BALL
Invitations coming soon. Check your Hinman Boxes everyday until you get the invitation. You won't regret it. Plus you'll get a chance to talk with the friendly mail staff. They're real nice.


So another week goes by, and already Arnold is setting his sights on the White House. He said in an interview on Meet the Press that he supports an amendment being proposed that allows immigrants who have been citizens for 20 years to become President. He became a citizen of the U.S. in 1983. Although denying that he's thinking about being President, we can see through his TRUE LIES. The last thing we need is a natural resources PREDATOR and the winner of a TOTAL RECALL election to be President.
And yes, you get to eat some of the hamentashen.


Shalom Aleichem

-Easy E
Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: Meir Kohn, for voluntarily giving a successful talk during our meeting tonight. Well done, and much appreciated.

Goy of the Week: Rod Paige, Secretary of Education, who made the NY Times quote of the day today by saying, "As one who grew up on the receiving end of insensitive remarks, I should have chosen my words better." This was after he said he considered the National Education Association to be a terrorist organization. He only meant it as a joke.

Joke of the Week:
Rabbi Landau has always been secretly sad that he's never been able to eat pork. So one day, he flies to a remote tropical island and books into a hotel. "No one will find me here," he said to himself. On the first evening, he goes to the best restaurant and orders the 'roast pork special'. While he's waiting, he hears someone call his name. Rabbi Landau looks up and sees one of his congregants walking towards his table. What unbelievably bad luck - the same time to visit the same restaurant on the same island! 
Just at that moment, the waiter puts on his table a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth and says, "Your special, sir." Rabbi Landau looks up sheepishly at his congregant and says, "Would you believe it - you order an apple in this restaurant and look how they serve it!"



And yes, you get to eat some of the hamentashen.

<< JEWSletter
<< Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Ahh, the fresh, brisk cold air reminds us all of who we truly are... longing to be in So Cal.... Well, as predicted, we didn't have any recall elections like Caleefornya, but we did have a successful election without all the primary hassle that Dean seems to not think means anything.


HOT NEW POSITIONS
The following positions were freshly elected.
President: Rachel Bender
Executive Vice President/Programming Chair: Arielle Ring
Vice President Of Religious Affairs And Education: Michelle Schwartz


THIS GUY IS TOUGH. NOW HE TELLS US ABOUT ISRAEL.
Sean Mann '05 will be presenting "A Human Context of the Israeli/Palestinian Conflict: Slideshow of Jerusalem and the Nablus District" at the Collis Commonground Wednesday, February 18th, at 7pm. Pizza will be provided, sponsored by Dartmouth Hillel. Sean will be sharing, in pictures and words, his recent experience of in Israel and the West Bank, including 3 months living and studying Hebrew in Jerusalem and living for the month of November in the Nablus District. 


WHAT'S COOKIN'? WELL, IT'S NOT BACON.
We are looking into expanding the Roth Center kitchen's kashrut (kosher) policy into a guide or pamphlet for using the kitchen properly and keeping it kosher. If you are interested in helping with this task and being on a committee, blitz Elana Bannerman. You can also blitz her great kosher recipes your mother gave you.


JOINT DISCUSSION [the legal kind]
Please join us for a joint discussion with AQ, the Catholic student group on campus, this Thursday, Feb 19 at 6 pm (downstairs in the AQ study room). We will discuss how our two faiths understand the idea of "Messiah" and how those beliefs affect the way we live our lives. Rabbi Boraz and Father Brendan will be on hand to provide spiritual insight. Dinner is provided, and please rsvp to "iao".


SHOMER BUILDING
At tonight's meeting we voted into effect the policy that had been previously blitzed out regarding the Roth Center's Shomer Shabat policy. Yay democracy.


BALLS FOR PURIM [sorry, just one]
In March, come all ye faithful to danceth the night away in a celebratory fashion aimed at eating hamentashen and hitting on Esther... Oh, wait, the king wouldn't like that, would he? Nevermind. Expect to see invitations in your Hinman Boxes soon, that's if the Hillel Communications Chair finally starts doing his job... wait a minute...


Another week closer to the end. The end of what, you might ask? You decide. All that matters is that we have a wonderful event-filled week up ahead of us, and that midterms are over, or just beginning, and we are in for a week of upper 30s degree weather and the occasional flurries. 

Shalom Aleichem

Easy E
Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: George Steinbrenner, for pushing the Yankees budget and buying A-Rod. It just makes me sick that they happen to beat the Red Sox for the bid for A-Rod.

Goy of the Week: Alex Rodriguez, for taking Steinbrenner's money and now playing for the Yankees. Another dark year cometh.

Honorable Mention Goy of the Week: Ben Affleck, for saying the following in an interview: "You know, George Steinbrenner is the center of evil in the universe. There's no question about that." Affleck continued: "Eventually, they might be able to just buy everybody. Why not?"

Joke of the Week:
Mrs Goldstein was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog looked up at her and said, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." Mrs Goldstein immediately freed the frog. 

The frog thanked her and said "I'm sorry but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes -- that whatever you wish for yourself, Mr Goldstein will get ten times more or better!" 
Mrs Goldstein replied, "That's OK - I'm happy to accept your condition. For my first wish, I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world." The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make Mr Goldstein the most handsome man in the world, women will flock to him like bees to honey." 
Mrs Goldstein replied, "It's not a problem, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me. 

So, "KAZAM" -- Mrs Goldstein is the most beautiful woman in the world! 
For her second wish, Mrs Goldstein asked to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make Mr Goldstein the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." Mrs Goldstein said, "It's not a problem, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." 

So, "KAZAM"- Mrs Goldstein is the richest woman in the world! 
The frog then inquired about her third wish to which Mrs Goldstein answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack." 

<< JEWSletter >>
<< Feb 10, 2004 >>

What a wonderful week, what a wonderfuller weekend! Mitzvah Mania (thanks to all those who are volunteering), Meir Shlomo, and Winter Carnival! What better way to start this Jewsletter than with a real serious topic. Seriously.

FINALS STUDYING AT THE ROTH CENTER?
We are currently discussing a policy the Roth Center should adopt regarding the observation of the "no-work" aspect of Shabat. The question is not whether the Roth Center will be kept Shomer Shabat almost all Saturdays (it will), the matter of debate if the one Saturday each term that falls during reading period. Many students find that the Roth Center is a great place to study for finals (and we have encouraged students to study here with snacks etc.). The proposed idea was, for ONLY the Saturday during finals, to allow both writing, computers, or other electronics in both the Koreman Library, and Lappin Lounge. The rest of the first floor would still be kept Shomer Shabat. I would like to have this policy voted on next Tuesday, so if you have any comments before then, blitz the Hillel account. Let us know your opinion.

MEIR SHLOMO? THURSDAY.
The Consulate General of Israel, Meir Shlomo, is coming to campus! He wants to get a feel for what students on campus think about the current state of Israel and answer any questions that students might have. Way Cool.
Come to the sanctuary room of the Roth Center from 3-4 pm this Thursday.

PURIM BAUL [sorry... BALL]
In March, come have an awesome time at the Hanover Inn and dance. Dance. Dance... Rumor has it Esther herself will be there... And she might need a date... Just kidding. The Queen never needs a date. More info follows, later.

DISCUSSING WITH THOSE FROM AQ
Discussion. Important religious things. With those from AQ. Thursday, 19th, at 6pm. Learn some things from the non-Jews. Yay.

SEAN MANN IS THE MAN... TO TALK ABOUT HIS ISRAEL EXPERIENCE
Sean Mann will be presenting all about his experiences in Israel. Wednesday, February 18 at 7:00 pm, at the Collis common ground. The slideshow/presentation will focus especially on Sean's experience living in the Palestinian city of Nablus, volunteering as an English teacher in Balata and Askar refugee camps. There will also be food there, and we know you know how much we know you like food... Kosher food too. Mmmmm. Yummy. Yummy in your tummy.

A CLEANER ELECTION THAN CALI. REALLY.
Upset about the elections in Caleefornya? Want to see candidates with REAL muscles? Want to be the candidate people want to see with REAL muscles?
The following positions are up for election next week. Come, vote, run for stuff, and have a grande olde tyme.
Positions:

1. PRESIDENT:
. To be aware of and monitor the planning and execution of events and activities involving Hillel.
. To prepare, direct, and moderate Hillel General Meetings.
. To have the final vote in committee appointments, special interest leaders, directors of fundraising and delegates to other organizations.
. To assist other officers in their endeavors as needed.
. To conduct Hillel as a body representing all Jewish students with special attention to Hillel's purpose and the diversity of Judaism at Dartmouth.
. To serve as a visible and responsible figurehead for Hillel.
. To be familiar with the details of the Hillel budget as well as the Hillel calendar of events.
. To be in constant communication with other Board members.
. To distribute the Hillel electronic newsletter.
. To sit as a voting member on the Joint Planning and Building Committee.
. To sit on the Board of the Foundation for Jewish Life at Dartmouth.
. To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
. President is a two term position.

2. EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT/PROGRAMMING CHAIR:
. To be aware of and to direct the planning of all Hillel activities.
. To operate in the capacity of President in his/her absence. In the case of prolonged absence, the Executive Vice President may choose to retain his/her position and hold new presidential elections.
. To be familiar with the details of the Hillel budget and the Hillel calendar of events.
. To keep a detailed record of programming that will be used to aid future Programming Chairs.
. To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
. Executive Vice President is a two term position.

3. VICE PRESIDENT OF RELIGIOUS AFFAIRS AND EDUCATION: 
. To find and schedule leaders for all Hillel services.
. To lead services if no leader can be found.
. To be responsible for the setting up of the sanctuary or appropriate venue for every Hillel service.
. To plan all student services and to be aware of all services in the Roth Center.
. To help the Rabbi ensure that Hillel remains a place where as many students as possible feel comfortable worshipping, in accordance with the organization's purpose.
. To hear and respond to the needs of all segments of the student population and to help establish building policies with regard to Shabbat, Kashrut and religious observance.
. To lead and/or organize regular study sessions and discussions if interest is present.
. To organize and promote educational presentations, lectures, and opportunities on and around the Dartmouth College campus.
. To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
. To sit as a voting member on the Religious Affairs Committee.
. Vice President of Religious Affairs and Education is a two term position.

AND POSSIBLY, should the current Membership VP win another position
4. VICE PRESIDENT OF MEMBERSHIP:
. To direct and plan specific programs targeted at first-year students.
. To coordinate the Jewish Undergraduate Advisor (JUGA) program.
. To encourage first-year students not only to participate in Hillel events, but to be involved in the planning of said events as well.
. To participate in a wide variety of Hillel events and to serve as a vocal supporter of Hillel in the community.
. To work with the Executive Vice President to encourage less active members to collaborate on programming projects.
. To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
. To rule on the eligibility of voters present at an election.
. Vice President of Membership is a two term position.


Well, that about wraps it up for this week's Jewsletter. Have a safe, healthy, fun, enjoyable, grande olde tyme at the Winter Carnival, with a 30% chance of snow and warm (20-30 degree) weather this weekend.

Shalom Aleichem

Easy E
Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: Elana Bannerman, for offering rides to unfortunate River-dwellers.

Goy of the Week: Howard Dean, for making the NY Times quote of the day today: "Over the last three or four days we have had enormous pressure from the people who raised us all the money not to drop out."

Joke of the Week:
Back in the cowboy days, the westbound wagon train was lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days. And then they saw an old Jew sitting beneath a tree. 
The leader rushed to him and said, "We're lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead where we can get food?" 
"Vell," the old Jew said, "I vouldn't go up dat hill und down de other side. Somevun told me you'll run into a big bacon tree." 
"A bacon tree?" asked the wagon train leader. 
"Yah, ah bacon tree. Trust me. For nuttin vud I lie." 
The leader goes back and tells his people that if nothing else, they might be able to find food on the other side of the next ridge. 
"So why did he say not to go there?" some pioneers asked. 
"Oh, you know those Jews-they don't eat bacon." 
So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack and massacre everyone except the leader, who manages to escape back to the old Jew, who's enjoying a "glassel tea." 
The near-dead man starts shouting. "You old fool! You sent us to our deaths! 
We followed your instructions, but there was no bacon tree. Just hundreds of Indians, who killed everyone." 
The old Jew holds up his hand and says "Oy, vait a minute." 
He then gets out an English-Yiddish dictionary, and begins thumbing through it. "Gevalt, I made myself ah big mistake." 
"It vuz not a bacon tree. It vuz a ham bush!"

[ Jewsletter ]
[ 2/3/2004 ]

Come one come all! See the most amazing show on earth! Fellow Jews, doing... stuff! It's not an illusion! Hillel has stuff going on, and you're gonna hear all about it. ...Starting now.

LEARNING THE SERVICE
This Friday is our more-than-annual Learner's Service at 6:30 pm. Come one, come all! Bring your friends. Interested in learning more about Friday night Shabbat services? Come learn all there is to learn about the service, followed by an awesome dinner at 7:30. Both the experienced and inexperienced Shabbateer are welcome.

HAVDALLAH; CLAUDIA; SNOWSHOES; FOOD
This Saturday, there will be a havdallah at Claudia's house. We'll meet there at 5:30 pm, and rides will be provided for those who can't walk there. RSVP to Claudia Palmer so we know how many people are going, and if you need a ride or can give one. After dinner, we'll be snowshoeing through the backwoods of Claudia's house, in search of mythical beasts and creatures of yore.
Keep in mind, it is subject to the weather. Keep your eye on your blitz as Saturday approaches, as the event is subject to change if bad weather comes our way.

RON GREEN, SID FINKELSTEIN, AT THE GREEN, KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
Professor and PhD Ron Green will be speaking at the Roth Center Monday, February 9, on the Jewish perspective of bioethics. The talk will involve... a talk... and a discussion, including a free lunch. Really cool stuff. Bring friends.
Sid Finkelstein will be speaking about when corporate executives fail, including Enron and the Red Sox. He'll be speaking Wednesday, February 11th. Part of the Great Speakers series. Bring friends to this one too. 

MITZVAH MANIA
The week of Mitzvah Mania is coming! February 16-19 is a week of doing good deeds, because God likes that. This Sunday, there will be a bagel brunch kickoff at Collis 101, from 12:30 to 2:00pm. Come eat some free bagels with some schmear, sign up to volunteer, and after you finish volunteering, you'll get a FREE T-Shirt!!! Blitz Arielle Ring for more information. Ask her what her favorite schmear is.

BALL OF PURIM
After your classes end in March, come dress up for an awesome time at the Hanover Inn and dance the night (and your classes) away. It'll be an awesome time... you can bet your Hamentashen on it! More info follows, in the future, a number of days from now.

THE AQ DISCUSSION
Wanna discuss important religious things with those from AQ? The previous date set at the 12th is no longer in effect. Now the discussion has been moved to Thursday the 19th at 6pm. Learn some things from some awesome non-Jews.

BOOK OF CLUBS, I MEAN CLUB OF BOOKS
Alan Dershowitz book club. Pick up a free copy of his book on Israel and then next Wednesday discuss it. What more could a literate Jew want?

SEAN MANN TOOK ON ISRAEL, NOW HE TELLS US ALL ABOUT IT
Sean Mann will be presenting all about his experiences in Israel. February 18, head to the Collis commonground to hear all about his uniquely extraordinary experience.
Sean Mann will be sharing, in pictures and words, his experience of the past four months in Israel, including 3 months living in Jerusalem and living for the month of November in the West Bank.
The slideshow/presentation will focus especially on Sean's experience living in the Palestinian city of Nablus, volunteering as an English teacher in Balata and Askar refugee camps. This is an area under military closure, and there is very limited travel in or out of the Nablus District, as well as the West Bank.
The entire region, including the areas where Sean lived, studied and volunteered, is in a complex period of conflict. Jerusalem, and especially Nablus, are at times difficult and often disturbing places to be.
Sounds awesome, doesn't it? There will also be food there, and we're putting some gelt down to make this event special. Extra special.

SUCH A KNITTING TIME
Once again, Knitting! 8:30 Thursday night, at Collis (either in the Commonground or the tv room). Learn to knit, and have a great time yarnin'. You might be so surprised at what you make, you'll knit yourself. Blitz Elana Bannerman if you give a knit.

Have a wonderful week, a brilliant weekend, and if exams and work are getting you down, just remember: waiting to do something tomorrow instead of getting it done today can give you more insight into solving your problems.

Shalom Aleichem

Easy E
Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: Tom Bradystein, for helping the Pats win the super bowl. Adam Vinatieriberg gets second place Jew of the Week for that game-winning kick for the second time.

Goy of the Week: Claudia Palmer, for giving the biggest knit at last week's knittin', and being, well, one of the coolest people EVER. And for making many of us believe she is Jewish for a long time, until she revealed her true identity.

Joke of the Week:
Maurice had worked most of his life helping his community and he was therefore thrilled one morning to hear that his unselfish work had been recognized by the Queen, no less. She had decided to bestow on Maurice a knighthood. 
But his elation soon turned to dismay when he realized that his ceremony would take place on the first night of Pesach. "What on earth should I do", thought Maurice, "should I attend ceder night with my loving family or should I accept one of the highest honors in the land? His family soon talked him into going to the Palace. "The award is too special to turn down and you would always live to regret it", they told him. 
His next worry was what to say to the Queen. He just couldn't think of anything that would be of interest to her. He just hoped that he would come up with something on the day. 
Come the special day. There was Maurice, on his knees, being knighted, with the Queen touching his shoulders with her sword and Maurice shaking with excitement. All of a sudden, he burst out with "Ma Nishtona haleila hazeh". 
The Queen looked at Prince Philip with a surprised expression on her face and said to him "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"

JEWSletter
1/27/2004

Once upon a time, there was a brave man. He sat on a stump of a dead sycamore, and pondered what he should say to his newly married wife. He reminisced about his battles won, his long journeys taken, and the many servants he had freed in the name of liberty. Then he remembered what joy he had from reading a newsletter. Nay-A Jewsletter. And so he set forth on his final quest. A quest to write a Jewsletter. This is his quest.

FRIDAY, friday, FRIDAY WITH THE SUBTLETIES!!!
This Friday, Friday, Friday, the Subtleties will be adding a delightful atmosphere to the already hip dinner at the Roth Center! Services at 6:30, dinner at 7:30, and a Subtleties performance while you dine starting at 8! What more could a Jew do on Friday, Friday, Friday night?

PAT-DOWN
What better way to celebrate America's advertisement pass-time than to be at the Roth Center watching the super bowl with fellow Jews (and non-Jews)? The party starts February 1, at 5:30 pm, and goes until the Pats win. Bring your friends.

PAVILION HAS FOOD; NO ONE TO SERVE IT
The Pavilion needs people to work on Tuesdays and Thursdays for dinner (between 6 and 8). Pay is 7.50 an hour, but during peak dinner hours like the one's needed, pay sky-rockets to $8.50 an hour. If you can work, PLEASE blitz Melissa Lynch. But Wait! There's more! If you order now, we'll even say that no previous job experience of any kind is necessary! A 14.59 value, absolutely free!

RON GREEN AT THE BIG GREEN
February 9th, Ron Green will be speaking about bioethics and Judaism. It is the first of many excellent speakers lined up to... speak. Bring all your friends and be ready to learn some stuff and exercise the old noggin. Stay tuned for more information on this.

SID FINKELSTEIN AT THE BIG GREEN
Sid Finkelstein is speaking at Tuck on February 11, and we are cosponsoring the event. As stated previously, bring all your friends, and be ready to use the thinking organ.

TENTATIVELY CLAUDIA
A tentative date on February 7 has been set for Claudia to take Hillel by storm and host a feast fit for kings, followed by snowshoeing and Havdallah fit for lords and barons, at her house.

YIDDISH? VOT DID YOU SAY?
Interested in Yiddish class? Ruth Siegel, a community member, is offering to schlep over to the Roth Center to teach us all the ancient art of Yiddish. Blitz Hillel if you are interested.

YOU GOTTA BE KNITTIN' ME
Knitting! 8:30 Thursday night, at Collis (either in the Commonground or the tv room). No knittin' experience necessary, we will provide knittin' yarn and knittin' needles, and if you give a knit you can blitz Elana for more info.

BELARUS-ED
Belarus 2004!!! Interested in participating in the Cross Cultural Service Project to Belarus? We help fix up graveyards that have been neglected and weathered over the years. It's from June 7th- June 18th, 2004, and it's open to all students, including students from all backgrounds. If you are interested, come to one of the Info Sessions held in Carson L01 to learn more about the project and how to apply (bring friends too):
-Thursday, January 29th @ 7:30 PM, 
-Monday, February 2nd @ 8:00 PM
-Tuesday, February 3rd @ 7:30 PM
It's one sweet trip! Check out last year's project at 
www.dartmouth.edu/~hillel/belarus2003/ 
If you have any questions or concerns, please blitz Alex Gelman and/or Ethan Levine.


Ah, our brave hero sighs a big sigh of relief, knowing his quest for a Jewsletter is over. He only has three more things to ponder, before he may return to his loving wife of one week: why this Jewsletter had no reference to quests despite its opening and closing, why it is bad when you can't feel the pain of frostbite, and why oh why has John Kerry won two states in a row?

Stay warm, thanks for voting, and of course, 
Shalom Aleichem

Easy E
Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: Ethan Levine, for helping new students feel welcome at Hillel and striking up a comforting conversation where there wasn't one.

Goy of the Week: Howard Dean, for (even after his pro-wrestling battle cry) losing to John Kerry AGAIN. Really. What is going on? And Where is Clark?

Joke of the Week:
One day, Bernie was trying to pull out of a parking place but to his horror, he hit the bumper of the car parked in front of him. To make matters worse, the incident was witnessed by a handful of people waiting for a bus. 
So Bernie got out of his car, inspected the damage carefully, took out a pen and a piece of paper and wrote a note, which he then left under the wiper blade of the other car. 
This is what the note said: "Hello, I have just hit your car and there are some people here watching me. They think I am writing this note to leave you my name, phone number and car registration number. But I am not."

JEWSletter
January 20, 2004

With the outside temperature reaching near tropical levels, it seems appropriate to litter the following Jewsletter with titles of Arnold Schwarzenegger movies (it's a So Cal thing).

NICE CHAIR
First and foremost, the former Communications Chair might have been TERMINATED, so we elected a new Communications Chair at tonight's meeting. From now on, Evan Michals '07 will be writing the Jewsletter, managing the Hillel web site, and work on Hillel invitations and publications/community outreach (like invitations to dances, etc). ...Wait a minute.... So what changed?

MOLDING YOUNG MINDS
The local Hanover Jewish youth group will be at the Roth Center Wednesday, [tomorrow] from 6 to 7 pm to ask questions about being Jewish at college. Dinner will be provided, so come to the Roth center tomorrow afternoon to answer the questions that the JUNIORs have. Topics for discussion will include if any sacrifices had to be made now that we college students left home [and no, not sacrifices as in a goat].

PATS ON THE BACK
What better way to watch New England redeem itself (by being the PREDATOR instead of the prey) than with your fellow Jews and anyone else who wants to enjoy pleasant company, kosher hors d'oeuvres, and a rockin' party. This Super Bowl party at the Roth Center is open to one and all, and bringing friends is encouraged. If you don't have friends, you can make some! It's win - win (unless the Pats lose, but since they are so much like COMMANDOs, they won't).
Party starts February 1, at 5:30 pm, and goes until dawn [or whenever the Super Bowl ends, whichever comes first].

THE FATE OF THE COUNTRY LIES IN YOUR HANDS
This week, we will be registering to vote in Hanover as one big group. Help elect whoever you think will be a good president, so that we never see an END OF DAYS. But when you vote, make sure you know each candidate's TRUE LIES. We will meet in the Mid-Mass lounge on Wednesday at 2 pm, Thursday at 1 pm, and Friday at 2 pm, and will JINGLE ALL THE WAY (or walk) together to Hanover town hall to register. Feel free to meet any one of those days, or all three if you really enjoy visiting the Hanover town hall. And no, if you don't vote, BATMAN & ROBIN will not save our country for you.

THE FATE OF THE HILLEL LIES IN YOUR HANDS
Next week we will discuss the 'future' of Hillel. If you have any ideas for programs or events that you would like Hillel to take part in, bring your ideas and a hungry stomach to next week's meeting, Tuesday at 6 pm at the Roth Center (that's THE 6TH DAY from tomorrow).
You alone have the power to direct your future... or at least part of Hillel's future. We'll have a pencil and an ERASER ready to write down everyone's suggestions.

BELARUS-ED
Belarus 2004!!! Interested in participating in the Cross Cultural Service Project to Belarus? We help fix up graveyards that were COLLATERAL DAMAGE from neglect and weathering over the years. It's from June 9th- June 20th, 2004, and it's open to all students, including students from all backgrounds, even TWINS. If you are interested, come to one of the Info Sessions held in Carson L01 to learn more about the project and how to apply (bring friends too):
-Thursday, January 29th @ 7:30 PM, 
-Monday, February 2nd @ 8:00 PM
-Tuesday, February 3rd @ 7:30 PM
It's one sweet trip! Check out last year's project at 
www.dartmouth.edu/~hillel/belarus2003/ 
If you have any questions or concerns, please blitz Alex Gelman and/or Ethan Levine, who is right now learning to be a KINDERGARDEN COP.

HUNGRY FOR WORK?
There are some holes in the schedule this term at the Pavilion, and we could use a few people from Hillel, if anyone is interested, to take on a couple hours (or even just one). Pay is 7.50 an hour (8.50 during peak dinner hours, which might be from 6-8) and no previous job experience of any kind is necessary. Working at the Pavilion is so exciting, you'll feel like the LAST ACTION HERO. You can blitz Melissa Lynch, our fantastic Pavilion Coordinator, if you're even remotely interested.

GLASS RESURRECTED
And remember, soon the Student Assembly architect will uncover the stained glass in Rollins Chapel, and we will get an opportunity to see who the images are of, whether they be of Jesus, Apostles, Moses, Abraham, or CONAN THE BARBARIAN.


Arnold's had quite the movie career, and now that he is governor of Caleefornya, they might need to have another TOTAL RECALL election. But at least New Hampshire's government is... strong. Enjoy the 30% chance of snow Thursday and Friday.


Shalom Aleichem

Easy E
Evan Michals

Jew of the Week: Arielle Ring, for being an active volunteer to help those in need.

Goy of the Week: John Kerry, for somehow winning Iowa. No really, how'd he do it?

Joke of the Week:
Moshe was eating in a Chinese restaurant and was chatting to his Chinese waiter. 
Moshe commented upon what a wise people the Chinese were. 
"Yes," replied the waiter, "we're wise because our culture is 4,000 years old. But Jewish people are also very wise, are they not?" 
Moshe replied, "Yes, we are. Our culture is 5,000 years old." 
The waiter was surprised to hear this. "That can't be true," he replied, "where did your people eat for a thousand years?"

JEWSletter
Wednesday, January 14, 2004

To make the Jewsletter seem more like a publication of journalistic worth, now each description has a catchy headline, to GRAB your ATTENTION and keep you READING more!!!!!!

WINDOWS RESURRECTED
First and foremost, some light has been shed on the stained glass issue...
First of all, the images are not as the last week's Jewsletter described. [We have found the author of last week's Jewsletter, and as a result of his incorrect hypotheses, he has been sacked.] There are five windows at the front of the chapel, each roughly 2 by 3 ft, and they are to the side and out of view from where us Jews sit and pray. They are, of course, in view of where non-Jews sit and pray. They are not larger than life, as was stated last week. [The previous author has just been sacked again.]
As it stands, a resolution has been passed by the Student Assembly to hire an architect to uncover the windows and estimate the feasibility of restoring them. When they are uncovered, everyone will be able to see them (including museum people, Jews, Muslims, and townies) and we can then discuss whether to keep them uncovered or move them to a museum, depending on the subject of the imagery. They very well might not be images of Jesus resurrected, as was previously hypothesized. [Due to the previous hypothesizing that the images were giant, offensive, and of Jesus resurrected, the previous author of the Jewsletter has been sacked once more.]

SUPERB
OWL PARTY
Sunday February 1, at 5:30, we'll party until the game is over, and food and snacks will be provided for watching the best advertisements America has to offer. Come have fun watching the Pats win, eating kosher snacks (no cocktail weenies), and learn how to make different words out of the word "superbowl."
[Actually, it has come to the editor's attention (via spell check) that "superbowl" is not one word, but two: "super bowl." The new Jewsletter author has just been sacked.]

WE BE KNITTIN'
Do you enjoy knitting hats, scarves, and gloves? Do you enjoy donating them to the less fortunate? If you answered no to both, you aren't as cool a playa as you thought. No experience necessary. Probably Fridays from 5:30- 6:30; blitz Elana R. Bannerman if interested. 

BELARUS, LARUS, LARUS...
Belarus 2004!!! Interested in participating in the Cross Cultural Service Project to BELARUS? 'Twill be from June 7th- June 18th, 2004. It's open to all students, including Gentiles, and in fact students from all backgrounds are encouraged to apply! If you are interested, come to one of the Info Sessions held in Carson L01 to learn more about the project and how to apply: 
-Thursday, January 29th @ 7:30 PM, 
-Monday, February 2nd @ 8:00 PM
-Tuesday, February 3rd @ 7:30 PM
It's one sweet trip! Check out last year's project at 
www.dartmouth.edu/~hillel/belarus2003/ 
If you have ANY QUESTIONS or CONCERNS, please blitz Alex GELMAN and/or Ethan LEVINE

ELECTION COMES, MUST VOTE
Just a friendly reminder... Register to vote either here in Hanover or apply for an absentee ballot from your home state for the upcoming primaries. And no, don't be that republican that secretly registers as a democrat just to vote for the worst democratic candidate because you want Busch to win. [Mis-spelling the President's name is grounds for a sacking.] [The editor has just been sacked for misspelling "misspelling".]
If you want some Jewish company when registering to vote, we are going to meet in the lounge of Mid Mass on next Wednesday at 2, Thursday at 1 and Friday at 2 [next week, not this week]. The whole registration process should take at most 30-45 min. We'll first go to ORL, then to town hall.
Here's another friendly reminder... IF YOU REGISTER TO VOTE HERE IN HANOVER, THEY EXPECT YOU TO GET A NEW HAMPSHIRE DRIVER'S LICENSE WITHIN 60 DAYS OF REGISTERING. Really. It happened to me. Don't trust them. Now I have to go to Hanover Town Hall, rescind my registration, which I can't do anyway, sign a form saying I won't vote here, travel back home to re-register there, apply for an absentee ballot, and then...
[The previous author has just been sacked, for improperly sacking the first author, and for going on and on about a small quibble.]

The sun will be poking its shy little head out this week, to add some heat to our wonderfully warm winter! This week's weather, courtesy of weather.com:
Wed: Mostly Sunny -2 / -16 with wind chill
Thu: Partly Cloudy, windy -2 / -16
Fri: Partly Cloudy, windy 8 / -11
Sat: Few Snow Showers 15 / 11
Sun: Snow 23 / -2

Have a joyous day.

Shalom Aleichem

-Easy E
Evan Michals


Jew of the Week: Ben Zimmerman, for being an avid member of Hillel and trying his hardest to figure out what position to have in the stained glass debate.

Goy of the Week: General Wesley Clark, for flippin' flap jacks in Sig Ep and layin' the smack down on W. Ill, just ill.

Joke of the Week:
Moshe's mother, Hette, once gave him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time Moshe visited his mother, he made sure he was wearing one of them. As he entered her house, instead of the expected smile, Hette said, "What's the matter, Moshe? You didn't like the other one?"


Additional Joke (Because it is so cold out):

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an
exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking
that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman
noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly toward him.

Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman
said to him, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to
do, no matter how naughty, for $100 on one condition.'

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.

The young woman replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in
just three words.'

The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from
his pocket & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the
young woman's hand.

He looked deeply into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, 'Paint my
house.'

<< JEWSletter >>
<< 1 / 06 / 04 >>

The air has warmed, the sky has cleared, and winter has shown its pretty little face. It looks to be a promising winter term, with the following board positions refilled with fresh Jews:

Representative to the Joint Planning and Building Committee - Elana Bannerman
Cooking Coordinator - Mike and Dan
Liaison to the Student Assembly - Evan "Easy E" Michals
Vice President of Membership - Aaron Sallen

Sadly, Rachel Shlensky has resigned from her position with Hillel, citing personal reasons.

Do you like large stain-glass pictures of Jesus? Stay tuned for an explanation...

Next Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, we need people to have a minion to help a guest say Kaddish. Sure, some of the times are early, but it's a mitzvah. God loves mitzvahs. He also loves Jews. So you'll get some double bonus points for being Jewish AND helping out a community member. It's double or nothing, though. You need to help to be eligible for the bonus pious points. The times are: Mon 1/12 6:30pm, Tues 1/13 8:00am and 6:30pm, and Thurs 1/14 at 8:00am.

Do you enjoy a larger-than-life picture of Jesus resurrected directly in front of your line of vision when you try to pray on Rosh Hashanah? More, after this...

The Hillel apartments will be available during the spring and summer terms. There are spots for four guys and four girls (two in the spring) to move into Hillel's two four-person apartments. No freshmen. You'll just have to deal. Blitz Hillel, and tell your friends who might be away this term and back in the spring. If we don't fill them, we might lose them.

Do you like 19th century glass? What if it's Jesus glass? Details, after this...

Intramural hockey. It's pucking awesome. And you get to play it with other Jews, against non-Jews. Have some built up aggression against the Gentile? Take it out on the ice.

A group on campus has brought to the Student Assembly a request to restore stained glass pictures of Jesus in Rollins Chapel, which has been a non-religious building used for many purposes, including our High Holiday services. The glass was supposedly made by a world-famous stained-glass artist in the early 1800's. They would like to restore it, have the images in full view in the chapel, and have some newfangled electronic device to cover the images with frosted glass when Jews enter the chapel. They did not specify what would happen when the chapel was not in use, such as when prospective students visit campus and see a well-lit Jesus rising from the dead. We discussed this at tonight's meeting, and came to a consensus that we agree with the restoration for art history reasons, but would like the images/glass moved to, say, a museum, where religious art is tolerated, so that Jesus can't watch us while we do Rosh Hashanah not believing in him. If you have any opinion on the matter, feel free to blitz Jesse Brush, Hillel, or Rabbi.

The local Hanover Jewish youth group will be at the Roth Center a week from Wednesday to ask questions about being Jewish, college, being Jewish at college, and the best way to cope with a giant non-denominational Christmas tree in the middle of the green. And the tree doesn't even have our star on the top. So show up to answer the youngen's questions.

We now begin a new term, with a fresh layer of slush on the ground, new/old faces, and a crisp, refreshing cold air to remind us how much we miss So Cal.

Shalom Alechem,

Easy E
Evan Michals

and loosely making his presence felt
J Home Skillet
Justin Brownstone

Jew of the Week: The Hebrew Hammer, for touching the lives of all of us Jews and saving Hanukah from Santa's evil son, Damien.

Goy of the Week: The Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, for taking his one month old baby for a walk inside the pen of a giant crocodile (allowing the baby to crawl on the ground), during one of his zoo's shows. Don't worry. They baby is fine, because beforehand he held the baby in one hand and a dead chicken in the other, and he fed the crocodile the chicken, so he would be full and wouldn't eat the baby. The baby was fine, also, because the crocodile was Jewish, and baby isn't kosher.


Joke of the week:
Morris, the Samurai. 
There once was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief Samurai. So he put up posters throughout the land saying he was searching for a new chief Samurai. But after 2 months, only 3 Samurai applied for the job, a Japanese guy, a Chinese guy, and Morris. So he interviewed all three. 
The emperor first asked the Japanese guy to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Japanese guy opened a little silver box and out flew a little fly. Whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in two pieces. The emperor was impressed. 
The emperor then asked the Chinese guy to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. The Chinese guy opened a small pearl box and out flew a smaller fly. Whoosh, whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead in four pieces. The emperor was very impressed. 
Then the emperor asked Morris to demonstrate why he should be his chief Samurai. Morris opened a small gold box and out flew a wasp. Whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whooooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh went Morris's sword, but the wasp was still alive and buzzing around the emperor. 
The emperor was very disappointed and asked Morris, "After all your sword play, why is the wasp not dead?" 
Morris replied, "A circumcision is never intended to kill."

Fall 2003

~Before we start~

This Saturday night:
A special Havdalah at Claudia's house. We will do a (very) short hike, then have Havdallah at sunset. A homecooked dinner, and sitting around the campfire after. Everyone is invited, but we need to know how many are coming to arrange rides. If you are interested in coming, blitz Claudia Palmer. Also let her know if you can drive, and if you can, how many.

Sunday night:
Pre-Thanksgiving dinner at the Rabbi's house
Hosted by Rabbi and his wife Shari, on Sunday, November 23rd from 5:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. There will be lots of good food. Please RSVP to Claudia Palmer either through blitz or at 6-0410 by Thursday. Rides will be provided.

Now for the fun...
* * * * * * * * * * *
Jewsletter: November 18, 2003

-Chanukah Ball: Dec 2nd. Invitations will be in your HB soon, unless you're going to the another holiday ball, in which case you'll find coal.

-Interested in policy? Israel? Israeli policy? Interested in Campaigns, training, institutes? Interested in blitzing Ilya F.? AIPAC Campaign Training Institute will teach you all you need to know about Israel. Blitz Ilya F. for fore details.

-Community Service: Wheelock Terrace 3-4:30, Dec. 4th. Come sing songs, light menorah and help residents of the retirement community share in the celebration of Chanukah. Blitz Rachel Bender to come.

-Later that day: Ice Cream Social. Bring your new friends from the retirement home. Details to follow soon.

-Spitzer Public Policy Forum in Washington, D.C. February 22-24. Learn about major public policy issues from successful Jewish professionals. Specialized tracks are available for environment and journalism. And environment and journalism. That's not a typo. That's not a typo. Blitz the Hillel account starting next week for more details. Grants for travel are available!

-Interested in helping to create a Great Speakers Series to bring guest lecturers to the Roth Center? Blitz Rabbi Boraz.

-Want to share your Jewish experience with high school Jews at the UVJC. It's a mitzvah. Not an opportunity to find a date for the Chanukah ball. Blitz Hillel for more info.

Jew of the Week: Brian Meyers. Did a fantastic job leading his part of the Learner's service. And he's a really cool guy.

Goy of the Week: The Glove. Gary Payton is leading the Lakers to their next Championship.

Signed,
J-Home-Skillet
Blitz Brownstone
And
Easy E Dont Come For Free
Blitz Evan Michals

Joke of the Week:
Moshe was taking to his psychiatrist. "I had a weird dream recently," he says. "I saw my mother but then I noticed she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and couldn't get back to sleep. I just stayed there thinking about it until 7am. I got up, made myself a slice of toast and some coffee and came straight here. Can you please help me explain the meaning of my dream?" 
The psychiatrist kept silent for some time, then said, "One slice of toast and coffee? Do you call that a breakfast?"

*****JEWSLETTER 11/11/03*****

- The Afro-Semitic Experience. This Thursday, November 13, 2003. 8pm in Collis Commongrouund. Enjoy a free (and really good) Jazz concert.

- Havdalah at Claudia Palmer's house on the evening of Saturday November 22nd. Blitz Claudia or Hillel if you are interested in attending, or can help drive. Enjoy a short hike, followed by Havdalah at sunset. We'll then walk back to Claudia's house where we'll enjoy a home-cooked delicious meal, and sit around the campfire and roast marshmallows. 

- Interested in helping with or participating in next week's hunger banquet? A very educational and worthwile event. Blitz Arielle Ring.

- This Sunday is our Bagel Brunch! Enjoy bagels, schmear, etc. and tell weekend stories. Sunday the 16th, 1:00pm, in the lounge. We can all recover from Saturday night together... Some of you I know will have to set your alarms to get to the Roth Center by 1. I am one of those.

- For a great study break on Dec. 4th - come to our Ice Cream Social. It will be held in Collis 101 (Time to be determined later). Free Ben and Jerry's!

- On Monday the 17th, join us for a bible study with AQ, at AQ. Dinner will be provided. Blitz Haley Peckett if you are interested in coming. Or if you still don't have a date for the Chanukah ball. Time's running out...

- During sometime in the afternoon on Dec. 4, we would like a few students to go over to Wheelock Terrace (retirement home) and do a mini Chanukah candle lighting and explanation there. If you are interested, blitz Rachel Bender.

- Come help out with the Roth Center's Library. Blitz Hillel if you would be interested in helping out for a short while on Tuesday afternoons. And you'll get to work with Fred Lerner, a great man. And get to do a mitzvah too...

- This Friday is our Fall term Shabbat Learner's Service. Services are at 6:30pm, followed by dinner at 7:30pm dinner. Come join us for a special service explaining the many rituals of Shabbat and the Shabbat service. Bring a friend (or more than one) - the service is open to anyone interested in learning about Shabbat.


Have a great week!
And enjoy the beautiful snow
David


Jew of week: Brian Taylor. Spends way too much time as CEO/COO of fall fantasy pong, but what a guy! And a truly superb water polo player.

Goy of week: Neo. No fourth matrix. Revolutions = bad. See the movie if you don't believe me.


Joke of Week:
Girls Interrupted - Women's section of shul are told to be quiet during davening. 
Seder House Rules - Zeda explains the law on Pesach. 
Angela's Kashas - Woman tells all her secret recipes. 
Supernova - Rocket scientists discover powerful strain of lox. 
Dredel Will Rock - Toy comes alive during Purim. 
Sleepy Halah - It's Friday and dad fills up on bread then dozes off. 
Goys Don't Cry - Rabbi explains why only Jews celebrate Tisha B'Av. 
Goy Story 2 - Issy divorces shiksa, then marries another. 
Mun on the Moon - Astronauts find hamentashen filling on the moon

*******Jewsletter for Oct. 28, 2003*******

If you've seen the latest issue of Reform Judaism you'd know that the comic book industry was invented by Jews. Characters like Superman and Batman are as much the products of Jewish love as you or I.

- Afro Semitic experience: An amazing experience at Collis Commonground the evening of Nov. 13th, that combines the soulful jazz and lyrical genius of the Jewish and African American cultures. If I had to pick a superhero that combined both our cultures it would have to be David Blumenthal, a Jewish, African American USC basketball player who I think may now be playing in Israel. 

- ISRAEL & THE MEDIA - Jews and the media, what a surprise. On Friday, Oct. 31, meet Neil Lazarus for discussion after services (during Shabbat dinner). Blitz Ilya Feoktistov for more info. 

- Tomorrow's Rosh Chodesh event has been cancelled. Sorry.

- Hebrew language table. No joke. 12:30pm tomorrow, Wed. in the Pavilion. Come speak some Hebrew.

- Bowling. Next Thursday, November 6th, for JUGAs and JUGEEs. I mean 'WITH' JUGAs and JUGEEs. That and the 25 pound composite balls were a problem at the last bowling event. Blitz Haley Peckett if you're interested.

- Michael Lerner, the Editor of Tikun magazine is coming to speak. 7:30pm in Brace Commons. There is room for 6-8 students to attend a free vegetarian dinner discussion preceding the lecture, at 5:30. It's an East Wheelock event you don't have to apply for in order to attend. Just blitz Rachel Bender to RSVP for the dinner.

- Learner's service either the 14th or 21st of November. We'll teach Jews unfamiliar with the service and non-Jews all about our Friday night service. Several people will help to lead the different parts of the service. Everyone is welcome to attend. If you're interested in helping to lead, blitz Rachel Bender.

- The Jewish Studies Program presents a conference on Nazi Berlin, Jewish Urbanity: Culture, Religion, Architecture, and Politics. It will be Thursday, October 30 - Friday, October 31, 2003. The purpose of the conference is to explore ways that Weimar cultural life in Berlin affected the role of the city during the Third Reich. For a detailed schedule of the different talks, check out the Jewish Life Bulletin.



Jew of the Week: Debbie Sperling. Besides being on Dartmouth's #1 world ranked sailing team, she reads the Jewsletter from time to time.

Goy of the Week: Candice Hong. Debbie's roommate good friend to the Jews.

Signed,
Justin Brownstone
and
Evan Michals



Joke of the week:

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. 
Morris, the old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932- the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. 
So I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. 
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated the sum of $1.60..... 
Then my wife's uncle Bernie died and left us two million dollars."

*******JEWSLETTER 10/21/03*******

This week's Jewsletter has been brought to you by Red Bull.
Red Bull: Probably not kosher, but it sure gives you the energy you need to have a rockin' time at the Hanukkah Ball!

Remember to stay tuned 'til the end of the Jewsletter for the Jew of the Week, the Goy of the Week, and the Joke of the Week.


This Friday, services will be at 6:00 pm to allow time to go to the homecoming bonfire. 
However, after this Friday, Friday night services will be at 6:30 pm, with the dinner following at 7:30 pm, until spring.

And don't touch the bonfire.

ALSO THIS FRIDAY! At 4:30 at the Roth Center, talk to the Jewish alums of Dartmouth who have returned to take a look at the Roth Center. It's a good way to make connections with rich people... I mean, Jewish people.

COMING THIS FALL!!
Starting THIS THURSDAY Oct. 23, 12:30pm at the Roth Center (every other week), there will be talks about Israeli History and the "Straight Facts", even though it's one of the most convoluted histories in history. Professor Lewis Glinert (Jewish Studies Dept) will talk about the 20th century Israeli history and the Arab-Israeli conflict. Soda, snacks, discussion, and settlement building. What more could a Jew want? Blitz Chi-Rach fo' mo' info.

Starting Thursday, October 30th, there will be a hebrew language table at the Pavilion at 12:30. Learn some Hebrew, eat some kosher grub. Or, if you're like me, eat some grub and struggle to understand what anyone is saying. If you feel lost in the conversation, eat some more. You'll feel better. Really.

WOMEN ONLY! Rosh Chodesh (tea time and challah making) on Wednesday, October 29 at Rachel's apartment at 8:15pm. Rosh Chodesh means Head of the Month, and consequently there will be a Rosh Chodesh meeting once every month. This will be a great opportunity to get to know other Jewish women on campus. Blitz Chi-Rach fo' mo' info.

November 4th, Michael Lerner, editor of the (liberal) Tikun magazine, will be speaking at 7:30 pm in Brace Commons. There will be a free vegetarian dinner beforehand at 5:30 in East Wheelock. After his speech, there will be a question and answer session. And he promises not to answer your questions with a question.
Hillel has about 10 spots reserved for dinner, so if you would like to go, blitz David Freeman to reserve your spot. You can also blitz David if you're feeling lonely. 

On November 13th, the Afro-Semitic Experience is coming. It is a jazz band composed of both Jews and African-Americans, who play traditional music of both cultures (not Jay-Z and the Beastie Boys). They teach about the similar histories and experiences of the two cultures (we both haven't had the best of luck over the centuries).

The Hanukkah/Chanukah/Hanukah ball! December 2nd! Food! Fun! Dancing! Fun and Dancing! (Yes, the two words can go together with the right mindset). We need help setting up decorations, making invitations, food, and of course, we need a DJ (more than just a guy with a bunch of mp3s on his laptop). Blitz Hillel if you would like to help. Blitz Justin Brownstone if you need a hot male date not looking for commitment.

And remember your Red Bull.


Sincerely,

Easy E Doesn't Come for Free [Evan Michals]

and making his spirit felt

J Home Skillet [Justin Brownstone]


Jew of the Week: Anna Zelinsky for coming to the meeting.

Goy of the Week: The Chinese astronaut for admitting that he can't see the Great Wall of China from space (they're going to have to rethink their tourism advertising campaigns).



Joke of the week:
Hymie and Benny are two beggars sitting on a park bench in Ireland. Hymie is holding a large cross and Benny a large Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at Benny and drop money in Hymie's hat. Soon Hymie's hat is full whilst Benny's hat is empty. 
A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to Benny and says, "Don't you realize that this is a Christian country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David." 
Benny turns to Hymie and says: "Hymie, look who's trying to teach us Marketing."

Wait!
Bonus joke this week. Special thanks to Claudia Palmer for this one...

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger said, "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die....So he took the first pack and left the plane. The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the former president of the United States, I am also the most ambitious woman in the world and I am a New York Senator and a potential future president." She just took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane. The third passenger, George W. Bush, said: "I'm President of the United States of America, I have a great responsibility being the leader of a superpower nation. And above all I'm the cleverest President in American history, so America's people won't let me die." So he put on the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane. The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, The Lubavitcher, Rebbe, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left; as a Catholic I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute. The Rebbe, "It's OK, there's a parachute left for you. America's cleverest President has taken my Tallis."

Jewsletter: Oct. 14, 2003

A lot of political candidates running for the Democratic nomination. And so, this Jewsletter officially declares its desire to seek the nomination of the Democratic Party, in light of its superiority to the other candidates, for the office of President of the United States.

The Jewsletter stands for . . . 

. . . what other candidates call social justice, but what Jews call mitzvot:
Volunteer tomorrow for Student Fighting Hunger. It's what the other candidates call not eating, what we call Yom Kippur. Show up tomorrow at the Roth Center kitchen from 6:30-9. Hang out with Arielle Ring. Blitz her in advance to let her know you're coming.

. . . the youth of America --
C'mon, 07s, according to Jewish law you should have been old enough to die for your country, vote, and drink alcohol since you were 13. Instead you come to Dartmouth and you're probably only taking care of one of those privileges. Thanks for voting. Anyways:
It's about time you planned the traditional first year event. It can be whatever you want. Blitz Hillel if you wan to be involved in the organization of the event.

. . . a commitment to jelly donuts:
Chanukah ball. Blitz Libby Sherman if you wan to help.

This Jewsletter will get it's vacation out of the way BEFORE serving as President. Unlike Bush, who has spent more time vacationing at his Crawford Ranch than in the White House. . . . I wish that were a joke. --
This Saturday, Hillel retreat at Moosilauke. Open to all students. Our plan is to have a relaxing vacation from the work that is starting to pile up. Enjoy a good meal, great company, and some not so Kosher, but oh so fun activities. Bring your friends, they're welcome. The retreat is free, and we provide the ride there and back. Just make sure you blitz David Freeman in advance.
Reminisce about your DOC trip. Blitz Hillel.

And in other news . . .
NOV, 6-9, 2003 KESHER in MINNEAPOLIS, MN! www.keshernet.com 
Blitz Chi-Rach for more info!
KESHER Convention 2003 is here again, this time at the UAHC Biennial! This November, undergraduate college students, ages 18-22, will gather for four days to learn, expand their leadership knowledge and experience, worship, sing and network with peers across North America interested in Reform Jewish life. The KESHER Convention provides a platform for college students to demonstrate their vision and agenda to the leadership of the Reform movement. This experience is unique in that students have the opportunity to attend programs with the UAHC delegate community as well as attend their own workshops and social action programs. 

Dialogue about issues that count:
Discussion with Professor Glinert
Israel Series: The Straight Facts -- Arab / Israeli Conflict & Israeli history
starting Thursday, October 23, 12:30pm @ the Roth Center


Jew of the Week: Ethan Levine. Congratulations on being voted to the Dartmouth Hillel Board of Directors.

Goy of the Week: John Edwards: Inspired the Jewsletter theme and gave a pretty good talk at the Top of the Hop.

Yours,
J Home Skillet
blitz Justin Brownstone

and making his spirit felt

Easy E Don't Come for Free
blitz Evan Michals



Joke of the Week:

An elderly Jewish lady took her young grandson to the beach. A huge wave crashed on to the beach and washed her grandson out of sight. The grandmother looked about, then she looked to where her young grandson had been only moments before. She looked to the heavens and called out to G-d: "Why lord, why? Why did you take my beautiful grandson who had his whole life before him, yet leave me, a pitiful old woman at the end of her life? Oh lord, would that you had taken me instead of my grandson!" Moments later, seemingly in response to her petition to the heavens, a second wave crashed ashore. Then, as its waters retreated back to the ocean, the grandmother saw her grandson -- wet, but looking fine despite being washed into the ocean and back ashore. The elderly lady looked up to the heavens and cried, "He had a hat!"

*******JEWSLETTER 10/7/03*******

What's slower than a speeding bullet, and able to hit tall buildings at a single bound? This "Airplane" edition of the Jewsletter!

J-Home-Skillet: We have a problem, can anyone write this Jewsletter?
Easy E: Oh no! What is it?
J: It's a newsletter about Jewish events on campus that more people should read because it's incredibly entertaining. But that's not important right now.

Oct. 10th Service: In honor of the new Michael Steinberg '61 Rabbinic Endowment, please come to this special Shabbat service, which will be attended by President James Wright, Provost Barry Scherr, Tucker Dean Stuart Lord, the majority of the Hillel Board of Directors, and Steve Roth (Roth Center donor). 
J: THE Steve Roth? Surely you can't be serious?
E: I am, and don't call me Shirley.

Sunday 12th, Organic farm event including the building of a Sukkah. Blitz Rachel Bender if interested. Out there in the fields, makes me wonder...
Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with and iron boot! Of course you don't, no one does, it never happens, it's a dumb question, skip it.

Oct. 18th: All first year retreat at Moosilauke. Blitz Libby Sherman if interested. Come enjoy s'mores and hot chocolate. You know I take my hot chocolate like my men... hot and strong. That's not true - I'm lactose intolerant.

Rosh Chodesh: Blitz Rachel Shlensky if you want to attend an all female tea social. You must be female to attend.

Hey, do you like Gladiator movies?
Tomorrow, Wednesday: 7pm movie "Arab and Jews: Return to the Promised Land" at Loew Auditorium in the Hop. Discussion to follow with David Shipler, director of the film.

Essay contest for a free trip to Israel! Relates to your Jewish experiences on campus. Blitz Rachel Slensky if interested.
J: Nervous about going to Israel?
E: Yes.
J: First time?
E: No - I've been nervous lots of times.

*******

Jew of the Week: Theo Epstein. Manager of the Boston Red Sox, who are on their way to face the Yankees in the ALCS.

Goy of the Week: Kerry Wood. Cubs pitcher who brought his game against the Braves. I can't say enough good things about the Cubs ending a 95 year playoff series win drought.

Recommendation of the week: See "Airplane" the movie if you haven't already, and forgive me for using a lot of the good lines.

Joke of the Week:
A rabbi was walking home from the Temple and saw one of his good friends, a pious and learned man who could usually beat the rabbi in an argument.

The rabbi started walking faster so that he could catch up to his friend, when he was horrified to see his friend go into a Chinese restaurant (not a kosher one).

Standing at the door, he observed his friend talking to a waiter and gesturing at a menu. A short time later, the waiter reappeared carrying a platter full of spare ribs, shrimp in lobster sauce, crab rangoon, and other treif (non-kosher food) that the rabbi could not bear to think about.

As his friend picked up the chopsticks and began to eat this food, the rabbi burst into the restaurant and reproached his friend, for he could take it no longer.

"Morris, what is this you are doing? I saw you come into this restaurant, order this filth and now you are eating it in violation of everything we are taught about the dietary laws, and with an apparent enjoyment that does not befit your pious reputation!"

Morris replied, "Rabbi, did you see me enter this restaurant?" The rabbi nods yes.

"Did you see me order this meal?" Again he nods yes.

"Did you see the waiter bring me this food?" Again he nods yes.

"And did you see me eat it?" Nods yes.

"Then, rabbi, I don't see the problem here. The entire thing was done under rabbinical supervision!"

Signed,
J Home Skillet, aka Justin Brownstone
and
Easy E Doesn't Come For Free, aka Evan Michals

Blitz "Brownstone" with comments

*******Jewsletter for Sept. 30th, 2003*******

Unfortunately Gary Coleman and Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't show up -- mainly because our president, david would have voted for them (Jewish and Republican, is he lying about one of these things?) However, there were still plenty of shenanigans to make this a Cali themed Jewsletter...

The sun was shining and Kobe Bryant was innocent when elections began. And when the dust settled we had the following new positions: 

1. House Manager: Ezra Tzfadya '07 -- We hope his political views are as real as his breasts (It's now a So. Cal themed Jewsletter).

2. Treasurer: Michelle Schwartz '07 -- We hope her political views are as real as Azi breasts. You thought I was going to be inappropriate, didn't you?

3. Communications Chair: Justin Brownstone '06-- Actually from Southern California.

4. Community Service Chair: Arielle Ring '07-- Wore a UCLA shirt tonight. Go Bruins!

5. Cooking: Lydia Gensheimer '06 and Mike Rosenzweig '06 -- Somebody tell Dan (See last year Jewsletters for rumors about Dan and Lydia's marriage and child). DISCLAIMER: The Jewsletter accepts no responsibility for rumors started about Dan and Lydia's relationship.

6. SA Rep: Gabriel Marcus -- Meredith wanted him in every position. In twister. Seriously, we play twister at Exec board meetings. You should come. And by "you" I mean Azi Tzfadya.

7. Joint Planning and Building Community Rep: Jesse Brush '06 -- Good luck improving the Roth Center. Oh, I hope we're getting that giant diamond solar disk from "Die Another Day" to light up Hanover in the Winter.

8. Israel Affairs Coordinator: Tovah Moss '06 -- Israel's politics are more mixed up then Edward Scissor-hands at an origami party -- and California's politics.


* * * * *
YOM KIPPUR SCHEDULE:

Erev Yom Kippur
- Pre-fast Dinner for Yom Kippur October 5th, 4:30 p.m. - Roth Center
- Kol Nidre Service: Sunday, October 5th 6:00 p.m. - Rollins Chapel (Try to get to this one early, it will be standing room only!)

Yom Kippur Morning (2 LOCATIONS), October 6th:
- Conservative Service: 8:30 a.m. - Rollins Chapel
- Reform Service: 10:00 a.m. - Hanover Inn

Yom Kippur Afternoon
- Nature Walk- easy and beautiful (meet at the Roth Center at 2:00 p.m., should go till 3)
- Study Session with Professor Ehud Benor, 3:00 p.m. - Roth Center
- Yom Kippur Mincha & Neilah Service, 5:00 p.m. - Rollins Chapel
- Break the Fast 7:00 p.m. at Roth Center

PLEASE RSVP TO CLAUDIA PALMER IF YOU PLAN ON ATTENDING EITHER OF THE TWO MEALS AT THE ROTH CENTER. WE NEED TO MAKE SURE WE ORDER ENOUGH FOOD...

* * * * *

If you want to work on an Afro-Semitic experience which involves cool music blitz Libby Sherman to help. This will be a better Afro-Semitic experience than the one that involved me playing basketball. (Look, before you blitz me, I know that's stereotypical. But, in my defense it's a true story).

**07's or JUGAS, if you have not already blitzed that you were interested in attending the white water rafting trip this Thursday afternoon, blitz Haley Peckett ASAP. Should be much better than the Los Angeles River. Made of concrete, people have been known to skateboard in it. True.

**And this one is only for '07s- if you are interested in attending the freshmen-only retreat to Moosilauke Lodge on Saturday the 18th till Sunday the 19th, blitz Haley too.


Signed,
J Home Skillet (blitz Brownstone)
and introducing
"Easy E Doesn't Come for Free"
Evan Michals '07

Jew of the Week:
Hiram: for an excellent reading of the Torah during Rosh Hashanah. Bravo.

Goy of the Week:
Quenton Cassidy for saying: "You have to try to understand: I have no moves left."

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
- Jack Handey

*******JEWSLETTER 9/23/03*******

First Jewsletter of the term for Tuesday, September 23rd, year 2003:
(Don't forget to read all the way through for Jew of the Week, Goy of the Week, and Joke of the Week)

The Usual Suspects showed up, as well as some new faces, to hear about some interesting opportunities:

-White Water River Rafting trip with JUGAs and JUGEES. If you fall into one of these categories and are interested in attending, blitz Haley Peckett. If you fall into the river Haley knows CPR. Hint hint young '07 guys...

-If you are interested in guest lecturing at the College of Lifelong Learning on Oct. 20 for an hour or so between 5:30 to 9pm (transportation will be provided). Blitz hillel. This is opposed to lifelong learning at college, which happens all the time.

- Those of you interested in working at the Pavilion, there are plenty of openings. Don't worry about training, you will be taught all. You can be a cashier or help serve in the kitchen. And the best part is that you get one of those really cool green DDS shirts. So no more excuses for working topless. We're looking at you, Libby Sherman. Blitz Robert Lester if you are interested (In the Pavilion, not Libby).

-There will be a Freshmen Retreat for freshmen on Oct. 18th. Upperclassmen, remember to bring your hockey masks and rubber gloves. I'm kidding though, because this is really only for freshmen to meet other freshmen Jews and have good times. Blitz Hillel if you are interested.

- On Yom Kippur if you're interested in a Nature Walk from 2-3, meet at the Roth Center. They'll be no need to draw straws if you get lost because you can't eat anything anyways!

- There will be apple picking with Rachel this Thursday -- Don't do it. I'm kidding. It will be great! Blitz hillel if you're interested.

NEXT WEEK, ELECTIONS!!!
---It's like my home state of Cali, anyone is welcome to run. Even 07s! In fact, you're encouraged to come out and make a difference. Make it your Hillel. And go Arnold!

EXECUTIVE BOARD POSITIONS
1. House Manager:
. To act as the student scheduling contact for the Roth Center, and to coordinate usage of the Roth Center with the UVJC.
. To purchase house supplies as needed, including food, beverage, and paper goods; the responsibility of purchasing food may be delegated following discussion in a General Meeting.
. To monitor upkeep of the Roth Center, including making sure that the kitchen is clean and that the building is in order.
. To sit, as a voting member, on the Joint Planning and Building Committee.
. To ensure that appliances, lights, computers, etc. in the Roth Center are fully functional.
. To work with the Vice President of Religious Affairs to ensure that the policies of the Roth Center are in accordance with religious observance.
. To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
. House Manager is a two term position.
2. Treasurer:
. To be intimately familiar with the details of Hillel's financial structure and accounts. Doing so will generally entail meeting with the Hillel accountant, the Rabbi and others who are generally familiar with this knowledge.
. To report at the end of each term to the Executive Board on Hillel's expenditures that term and its available resources for future terms.
. To aid the Hillel Administrative Assistant in the distribution of Local Purchase Orders (LPOs) as needed for approved Hillel purchases.
. To order or otherwise provide food and beverages for Hillel General Meetings.
. To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
. Treasurer is a two term position.
3. Communications Coordinator:
. To record, distribute, and post (as necessary) the minutes for each Hillel General Meeting and meeting of the Hillel Executive Board.
. To create the Hillel electronic newsletter to be distributed by the President. This responsibility may be delegated to a Newsletter Editor provided that the Communications Coordinator remains responsible for its completion and content.
. To be responsible for publicizing all Hillel events via electronic and printed media (fliers, blitzmail, Wazzupdate, etc).
. To be aware of all Hillel activities for the purpose of publicizing and communicating them to Hillel members and/or the entire Dartmouth campus as appropriate.
. To maintain the Hillel bulletin board in the Roth Center.
. To document and photograph Hillel events of all natures.
. To ensure that the Hillel website is up-to-date; this responsibility may be delegated provided that the Secretary remains responsible for its completion and content.
. To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
. Communications Coordinator is a two term position.
4. Community Service Coordinator:
. To raise awareness of Hillel's presence within the greater community.
. To organize events and ongoing projects to serve the needs of others within the greater community.
. To strongly encourage Hillel students to participate in community service activities.
. To serve as the Hillel representative to the Dean's Advisory Council of the Tucker Foundation.
. To attend Hillel General Meetings and meetings of the Hillel Executive Board.
Community Service Coordinator is a two term position.

OTHER POSITIONS
1. Cooking Coordinator:
. To schedule student cooks for all official Hillel dinners.
. To fill in as cook if no students are available.
. To coordinate the purchase of food, both by students on a weekly basis and by the Hillel administrative assistant.
. To work with the Vice President of Religious Affairs and the House Manager to ensure that the policies of the Roth Center are in accordance with religious observance.
. The Executive Board may allow two people to be Co-Cooking Coordinators and share the aforementioned responsibilities.
. Cooking Coordinator is a one term position.
2. Representative to the Joint Planning and Building Committee
. To sit, as a voting member, on the Joint Planning and Building Committee.
. To work with the President and House Manager to ensure that Hillel's interests are represented at said meetings.
. Representative to the Joint Planning and Building Committee is a one term position.
3. Liaison to the Student Assembly:
. To attend all meetings of the Student Assembly (SA) and to function as a normal member of the Assembly.
. To serve as a voice on the Student Assembly for the views of Hillel and vice versa.
. To attend Hillel general meetings and to report to Hillel members on the current events, positions and endeavors of the Student Assembly.
. Liaison to the Student Assembly is a one term position.
4. Israel Affairs Coordinator
. To serve as the Hillel liaison to DIPAC (Dartmouth Israel Public Awareness Committee).
. To serve as the Hillel liaison to the UVJC Israel Committee.
. To coordinate all Hillel activity involving AIPAC, including student conferences and other opportunities.
. Israel Affairs Coordinator is a two term position.

-Intramural Sports: Blitz Justin Brownstone and tell him whether you want to play soccer, football, or both. It's the God Squad! We play with Catholics and we play for blood. I mean for fun.

-Another Chanukah Ball! A chance to dress up, bring a date, and dance the Hora like your parents never did. Blitz Elisabeth Sherman to help organize.

-High Holidays schedule: 

1. Selichot Service: September 20, 9:00 p.m. - Roth Center
2. Erev Rosh Hashanah Service, September 26, 7:00 p.m. - Rollins Chapel
3. Rosh Hashanah Morning Service (2 LOCATIONS), September 27th:
a. Conservative Service: 8:30 a.m. - Rollins Chapel
b. Reform Service: 10:00 a.m. - Hanover Inn
4. Rosh Hashanah Service 2nd day, September 28th - Roth Center
5. Kol Nidre Service: Sunday, October 5th 6:00 p.m. - Rollins Chapel <-- Try to get to this one early, it will be standing room only!
6. Yom Kippur Morning (2 LOCATIONS), October 6th:
a. Conservative Service: 8:30 a.m. - Rollins Chapel
b. Reform Service: 10:00 a.m. - Hanover Inn
7. Yom Kippur Afternoon
a. Study Session with Professor Ehud Benor, 3:00 p.m. - Roth Center
b. Yom Kippur Mincha & Neilah ServiceService, 5:00 p.m. - Rollins Chapel
c. Break the Fast 7:00 p.m. at Roth Center

8. HIGH HOLY DAY MEALS: PLEASE RSVP (blitz Claudia Palmer or call 6-0410 if you have not done so). There is NO CHARGE.
a. Erev Rosh Hashanah, Friday Night September 26th at 5:00 p.m. - Roth Center
b. Pre-fast Dinner for Yom Kippur October 5th, 4:30 p.m. - Roth 
c. Breaking the Yom Kippur Fast October 5th, Following services. - Roth Center


Jew of the Week: Evan Michals '07 for keeping it real and letting us know that he's interested in Korean Martial arts with "circular movements".

Goy of the Week: Mark Hurlbert. Colorado D.A. in the Kobe Bryant case, happens to be a Dartmouth class of '91. Ask your teachers about him.

Joke of the Week: A priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. Bartender says, "is this some kind of joke?"

Quote of the Week: "Keaton used to say he didn't believe in God but he was afraid of him. Well, I believe in God, Agent Kujan, and the only thing I'm afraid of is Keyser Soze." It's kind of Yom Kippur book of life themed. Just trying to get you in the mood to ask for forgiveness.

Signed,
J-Home-Skillet or Justin Brownstone
p.s. blitz me with comments, questions, concerns, and proof of Kobe's innocence.

Dartmouth Hillel
November 14, 2006