Pregame:

And now, the only band in the Ivy League that’s being fined $1 million a day for including a song with every formation, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

Lehigh University was recently graced by two prominent visitors: Miss America and a motivational speaker with the JobDrive program. Miss America gave a speech about her mission saying, "It’d be great if we could have world peace, ‘cause that means there wouldn’t be any more fighting or wars or stuff. Go, Peace! Yay!"

The JobDrive program also visited campus. JobDrive is a touring van that brings advice on how to find a job after graduation to colleges everywhere. We’re not sure about Lehigh students, but the DCMB would be very cautious about taking advice from a motivational speaker who lives in a van down by the river.

Please watch now as the band cheers the team's 5 and 0 record by playing Hawaii 5-0.

Please rise as student conductor Angelollipop Schiebout leads us in the Dartmouth College Alma Mater and remain standing as guest conductor Karen "Yes, I’m still here" Wenner conducts the national anthem.

Halftime:

And now, the only band in the Ivy League that wonders when the prom at Lee High is, the Dartmouth College Marching Band!

It’s corporate recruiting season again, and seniors are busy writing cover letters, donning suits, and trying to explain why they want to go into I-banking without using the phrase "lots of money." The most crucial step, however, is writing one’s résumé. It can be tricky turning "hooked up at Chi Gam" into "excellent interpersonal skills."

As an aid to seniors, the DCMB offers the top ten things you can’t put on your résumé:

10. You’re nine for ten and just waiting for the erection… of the graduation platform.

9. You’re the pong tournament champion.

8. You had a lazy summer with the Student Assembly.

7. You were caught for internal possession.

6. You have the campus’ largest… collection of DDS silverware.

5. You’ve been Parkhursted more terms than you’ve been on. Just say, "I’m a non-traditional student."

4. You crashed Blitz on a Thursday night.

3. You interviewed for Playboy.

2. You’re responsible for the Safety and Security car wreck behind Leverone.

And the number one thing you can’t put on your résumé:

1. You wrote for the D.

Watch now as the band forms a Safety and Security van and plays Mission: Impossible.

This fall the entire Dartmouth campus is celebrating 25 years of coeducation by listening to speeches by alumnae, honoring women at Dartmouth, and by hooking up. The best-attended event has been a tribute to Meryl Streep, who remembered being an exchange student here in 1970, when the school was all-male and tuition was $1500. She said she was relieved to walk into Food Court this year and see a group of guys with long hair. It’s news to us – the DCMB didn’t know there were guys with long hair.

Watch now as the band honors Meryl Streep by forming two film reels and plays, "The Streeper."

The D ran an interesting article last week about the history of pong. Unfortunately, they were only able to interview living alumni and missed most of pong’s early days.

Pong has been played for as long as beer has been around. The Egyptians had a version of the game, played with mummified eggs. It’s a little-know fact that the Egyptian for "Valley of the Kings" translates into "Webster Avenue."

The ancient Greeks played pong with plastic cups in smelly basements. No, wait – those are the modern Greeks.

Caesar was known to be an avid pong player: "I came, I saw, I conquered" was actually a reference to the All Roman Pong Tournament, which he won. Rumors that he threatened to feed anybody who beat him to the lions have not been proven.

Pong continued as the devotional activity of choice in many monasteries throughout the Middle Ages, and the Crusaders were forced to turn back from Jerusalem when they lost a key pong match. Pong flourished in the Renaissance; Michaelangelo’s statue "David" was actually the loser in a strip pong game.

Pong first arrived at Dartmouth at the same time Eleazer Wheelock did. Eleazer played with pine cones and bark, and since then handle-less paddles have been Dartmouth tradition. It was of pong that Daniel Webster said, "They are small paddles, but there are those who love them." Dartmouth’s favorite alumnus Dr. Seuss played pong, and the Lorax was fond of Tree.

President Hopkins often went downtown on wintry mornings to play pong with Hanover residents. Today's creative loners have been know to shove the table against the wall and play with themselves. Watch now as the band forms a game of pong and plays "The Beer Barrel Polka."